Husband and wife are two unique individuals owning different personalities, who decide to unite for lifetime and become one, when tied in the knot of marriage! They become life-partners and together share their pleasures and pains in life.
The couple begins their new journey with lot of aspirations, having ample of consideration and appreciation for each other. They nurture their married life with love and care, and in no time get attached to each other, like with no one else. They face the rough ride together, they get over the ups and downs in life with the support of each other.
So what happens then?
How does such a loving relationship run into a problem?
What could be the reasons behind the marital problems?
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan provides a scientific explanation for the core reasons behind most marital problems:
From attachment, arise expectations.
And when expectations are not met, we tend to become insistent in matters related to our spouse.
This leads to clashes between the two and both end up forming opinions for each other.
The opinions get stronger and firmer with every new clash and slowly the feeling to separate could creep in.
Thus, our expectations, our insistence, and our opinions are the 3 main possible reasons behind most marital problems. And these reasons can be eliminated, provided we have a clear determination to do so.
Here are 5 essential solutions that can greatly enhance the success of any married couple in their journey together:
Learning to Adjust
Communicating with openness and honesty
Try to weld, not wedge
Cleaning the clash asap
If our mind is separating from our partner…
In today’s article, we shall discuss with first 2 solutions, which are in the form of simple understanding that needs to be applied, in order to help dissolve the current as well as potential marital problems.
Learning to adjust:
If one person is pulling the rope in the north direction and the other in the south direction, can harmony exist between the two? Certainly not!
So whoever wants harmony in the relationship, what should (s)he do?
Let it loose and let go in the direction in which your spouse is trying to pull. You can maintain your inner intent and effort that ‘it would be good if we move north.’ But thereafter, if you see things going south, accept it and adjust. We want to learn to adjust in a manner whereby the pulls, the accusations, the harsh opinions for each other, etc find no scope at all in our marital relationship. That is what is called a harmonious relationship.
And if such a harmonious relationship is what we aspire, we should make a firm resolve that ‘I want to adjust to my partner in a manner that he / she never feels hurt by me.’
Developing the awareness:
In every instance, if we try to remain aware that ‘If iam doing so and so, would it create any difficulty for my spouse?
Or
Then, our home will become a heaven.
Having consideration for each other’s problems goes a long way in building a healthy relationship. But it is we who must make the first move. With such awareness, understanding will reside and compassion will preside in all our behavior. There will be no fights, no quarrels, no anger, and no accusations. Instead, we will see the willingness in both the parties to put each other’s needs before the individual wants.
Communicating with openness and honesty
Your spouse is your best friend! Whenever a clash happens, the simple solution is:
Sit with your spouse face to face for a few minutes and discuss the matter with an open mind.
Converse with your partner directly, with clarity and no ambiguity.
If there is some behavior of your partner that you did not like, ask your partner ‘what happened? Please help me understand the matter, and you too understand where I am coming from.’ This way, you will get the right perspective of things.
Explain your viewpoint to your better-half such that he / she understands it properly, ‘Look, my viewpoint on the matter is this. Can you explain to me your viewpoint?’
Thereafter, listen to your partner’s viewpoint, very patiently and attentively. This is an important step as you will get to know a lot of information that you were not aware of.
And now, try to analyze the A to Z positives of your partner’s viewpoint.
Doing so, we are able to understand the situation rightly, and can amicably solve the clash.
We will continue to discuss this topic in the next part, stay tuned…
