The Second Life books and stories free download online pdf in English

The Second Life

Second Life

Siddhartha, nick name Sid, wants to become a woman. That too when he is in 50s, it hardly matters he looks like a man in 40s. Well-built body, average height and handsome baby shaped face fitted proportionately in slim figure, Sid catches attention wherever he goes. He is married to a beautiful lady, Kanu. She owns a beauty parlor.

Sid is a government servant. He has taken voluntary retirement from the service. They have one girl child who is married to a bank manager, and she works as clerk in a government department. Sid is about to become grandfather. Despite it, he desires to become woman.

It is strange time. Rather every age seems to be strange to a person living in earlier generation. Every time and space finds succeeding and preceding one as strange. Men want to become woman, copying women in their fashion, hairstyle, and other social habits. Women are trying to be more like men.

The anachronistic view may bracket it as degeneration but it indicates underlying unity of gender divides. From hindsight the Ardhnariashawar (half women and men) is mankind future goal and god. It might be also seen as free choice and urge to empower oneself with multiplicity of beings and sexuality. The LGBTQI is its de facto tender even if it has not become de jure or legal tender.

If you ask a woman, what she wishes to be re-born. If option is given, as woman or men, she would say man, exception notwithstanding. In the most cases if you ask a man about his choice about next birth, he would say he wants to be reborn as man again. But Sid is exception. He wants to become woman even in this life. He does not want to wait for next birth.

This gap between most of women preferring to be men and men wanting to be men, given the chance of next birth, has something to do with gender gap and disparity between two sexes. Men having more freedom and option and choices than woman may have factored this. This might explain the skewed ratio between these two sexes as to preference for other sex.

Sid is not at ease with this desire to become woman. He wants to discuss it with someone. But there are a lot of inhibitions before he opens his heart to other. He is not sure whether it is normal or abnormal. If he discusses with it, other might think something wrong with him. First he thinks he will discuss with his wife. But later on he changes his mind. His wife has sort of abandoned him. She says: you are free to do anything. I give you complete freedom.

He takes it with a pinch of salt. He is not impressed with her largesse. Even then he has doubted it despite thinking it may be due to menopause. Later on it comes to notice that this opening of her heart has emanated from her taking lover discreetly. Otherwise, she has sucked him dry metaphorically. She has deprived him of everything that matters in life: friendship, social relationship and social contact. She destroys his sexuality by adopting minimalist approach. Whenever her body demands would up its ante, she would come. Otherwise she would shun him.

Even then doubt arises in her mind that this rationing of sex may lead Sid falling into other women lap. She knows his libido is very high. Instead of daily dose, he gets only weekly. Then there might be short circuiting. She cuts the social line, clogging the social urge and finishing all social relationships. When they were in their prime of youth and virility, she has subjected to strict rationing of sex. This was nothing but sort of cruelty, knowing his high libido.

Sid tries to channelize his unfulfilled sexuality to some sort of altruistic activity. He has partnered with Anu, his longtime friend, for bringing out some sort of changes in the society. His wife, Kanu smells rat even there. She puts virtual stop on this activity. She declares Anu as Sid’s beloved and forbid to have any sort of relations. Sid is not allowed to talk to her, even on phone.

Sid still remembers Anu has come like fresh air in his jaded life. The loveless marriage and possessive wife, Kanu, has made his life hell. He used to feel suffocated at home. If he would go outside even if for fresh air, she would get suspicious. When he would return, she would raise many questions and doubt. Doubt after doubt, question after question: Endless doubts and unending series of question. He is fed up and sick of it. He is repenting his decision to wed her. He wants to take divorce but considering his baby future, he decides to bear this entire ghetto like suffocating situations.

Then Anu returns from abroad. She has gone to the States. There she falls in love with French American. But their marriage lasts only for two years. After break up, she comes to India and proposes Sid for marriage. She wants to leave everything for him: Her Indian husband, French baby and all comforts. But Sid could not muster courage to leave Kanu and the baby.

As a compromise, they decide to remain friends. But even this is not acceptable to Kanu. She does not want Sid to have any sort of relations with Anu. The breaking point comes when Anu has invited Sid and Kanu on birthday party of her baby girl. She has thrown a birthday bash in five star hotels. Sid with his charm and attractiveness becomes the center of attention. She requests Sid to dance with her but he refuses fearing his wife jealousy. Anu dances solo for him. Even this enrages Kanu so much that a big fight ensues when they reach home.

It proves to be end of affairs with Anu. Same thing happens with Roma, Ridhi, Sidhi, Savita and professional colleagues and peer groups. Kanu becomes so obsessive that she puts a stop to all sort of social relationships.

Sid decides to discuss his desire to become woman with Anu. He believes that she would certainly encourage his desire to change his gender. She is in love with her gender and loves herself for it. The first woman he ever met who loves her gender.

Sid rings her up one day. She is surprised: ‘It’s you! After such a long time …. Everything fine?’

‘Yeah.. I want to discuss something with you’

‘Me…’

‘Can we meet…’

‘Can’t we discuss on phone… is it so secret’

‘Nothing like that..it’s a personal matter I want to discuss with you’.

‘Oh I see.‘

Sid is very happy. She has agreed to meet him. She still cares for him or may love as he does perhaps. Their love has been strange and queer, remain unrequited, never going beyond initials of kissing and hugging. She is not his ex as she has not been his love nor he hers. Their relationship remains permanent frozen in no man’s land of first crush and unconsummated love.

Once he has kissed her passionately in the lift while he was going to drop her to car parking lot. But she has repulsed it saying she does not approve such thing. Yet her whole body quivers with passion baying for love making. Sid has noticed it at once then and there. Her body has been vibrating with love: O baby love me. I ‘am all yours.

Anu whole body, her being is vibrating with love and sex. Yet her posture is that of superficial objection and protest. When Sid shakes hands with her, her body starts swinging with muffled urge to be loved. She stretches so passionately as if she would just fall in his arms.

What a contrast! Her full sized breasts get hardened; her nipples seems to be bursting forth from her tee. Her banana stemmed thighs is twitching with excitement. He could discern clearly her mount of Venice asking for a mount. Sid wants to sooth it down. But for Anu! She is in rebellion with herself. Her body is craving for him. But her mind, her soul, self, her real being is steeped in tradition and morality. He could not but pity her and not less self-pity!

The relationship that has developed between Sid and Anu becomes unintended victim of their deceptive self-rebellion. This is perfect example of bad faith in love, sex and rebellion. She is used to love him but not accepting it. She would spurn him and then she would scorn herself. She would be dying to meet him. She would flirt with him.

From very start their love has been founded on lies and subterfuge. Its love and love nothing else but both have been loath to accept it. They would call it friendship. They would be always passing through gully of hot and cold. When she is hot, Sid would pour cold water. When Anu would be cold, he would try to be hot.

First Cut: Hot Anu comes in hot dress. Macro skirt and transparent tops. He is stunned. She smiles.

‘Let us go for date’, she proposes.

He disposes: ‘Date… with me?

‘Yeah baby’

‘And your bf..’

‘You are my bf’

‘For time being…. till he returns or had fight..

‘You are a big asshole’

He pours cold water on hot pan. The mount of Venice is sleeping volcano. Fire beneath ash, smoke and air droplets. But woke Sid fails to see it.

Second Cut: Volcano, lava and hot juices oozing. Anu is fresh from having arrived from US. She has come along with her husband who happens to be her boyfriend as well. When boyfriend becomes husband, things cool down. When husband becomes boyfriend, things move on smoothly. It is not always so, but more often than not with conditions applying.

She comes like whirlwind, sweeping his off the foot. She is on extra-marital date. She is out to propose him today. She has dressed to kill and later on to undress. Sid starts sweating profusely. Both are hot and heading to a water resort in the suburb.

They check in a room floating on water. It is microcosm of Dal Lake of Kashmir. Water, water everywhere water. Anu and Sid feeling watery as well. She starts undressing. Sid gets surprised. She is in hurry. She is naked.

‘Do you like anal..my hubby does not like’, she poses ramming her well-shaped whitish bums against his swelling cock between his thighs under the water. They are in swimming pool. Sid goes just mad with passion. He takes out his swelled cock and enter it. But he is unable to do so. She is being hysteric: yeah baby push it push it yeah oh.

‘It won’t go let us go to room, Sid proposes and she seconds it.

In motel room, she first licks his cock very artistically. With slow rhythmic motion and then fast. When it swells to extent that it might burst forth any moment, she sits over it putting it on his cock. ‘ oh babay you are great I love for it… how long I have been dying for it… now got.. thanks…

Then she asks for straight. Sid is more willing to oblige. Then she drops bombshell. “ I am leaving my hubby for you and you would be leaving your wife for me…. Sid gets dumbstruck after having been moonstruck. His cock gets limp even she was revving it up in her mouth.

‘ o baby.. say yes… I have given up everything you say yes..

‘ I cannot do…’

‘Get lost..’

She leaves the water resort in huff. Without saying anything: Her face is red and getting crimson red. It is the end of affair. Sid tries to call her, but she hangs up without responding. Then she blocks his number. Finally she blocks him out of her life.

Anu agrees to meet Sid when he requests her opinion on some personal matter. He has not expected that she would respond positively. But she has done. Sid gets overwhelmed by this generosity. He starts reliving the time spent with her.

Her memories flood his consciousness. Slowly but steadily he enters in her being: What she must be doing, what feelings she might be undergoing. Her nipples might be getting tighter. Her breast thirsting forward and getting harder in anticipation of getting pressed and squeezed like melon..the warmth of his tongue on her breast setting her on fire.

Her whole body feeling the vibrating warmth of his hand..her every outlet of love and sex must be oozing with love juice..her tongue might be feeling the taste of chocolate candy, his tongue on her breast and licking all over the body.. her thighs, her valleys and mount of Venice craving for getting mounted… that mount must be fantasizing about taking whole world into hers.

Strange thoughts and feelings start crowding his consciousness and being. Sid starts perceiving psychosomatic changes within his self. His nipples start getting harder. He feels like what Anu might be feeling. A womanly sensation and excitements hit him. He feels as if a woman self has entered his body. He feels his chest imagining as if it were breast, tastes the semen oozing from his erected cock and feels what she might have been feeling. He fingers his bum trying to partake the feeling of penetration.

The very remembrance of Anu and impersonating her feelings have made Sid feel like a woman. His hope of becoming woman gets reinforced. If one thinks and remember anyone constantly, he or she would become like those being thought over. It is law of nature applying in nature as well as in nurture. There is one insect, Bhringi that kidnaps other insect and keeps it shut in its abode. The kidnapped insect becomes like Bhringi by constantly remembering it in fear and anxiety.

While changing clothes, he looks at his body from a woman’s point of view. And he feels the same womanly feelings and sensation. He feels as if Anu is changing her garments. He fondles and plays with her body as if some other being is feeling it. Anu has invited him at her home in a posh colony where she along with family has been living as tenant.

When he knocks at her door, he finds her alone. She welcomes him with warm hug and informs that all family members have gone to attend a party. She has stayed back feigning illness. ‘Oh baby you are great’, Sid but could not help himself from liking her. After all they have been loving each other even if not accepting overtly.

Now they are meeting after separation of many years. Their passion knows no bound and they start hugging and kissing repeatedly. Both get excited. Sid put his tongue into her mouth and start undressing her. Anu responds back in frenzy, unzipping his trousers and taking out his cock. She starts sucking it madly. Sid put his tongue on her hairy mound partaking her oozing juices.

Then his hardness starts melting into her softness. She becomes hard soaking his hardness. And both melts into each other becoming one. She goes to bathroom. There comes a break in passionate love making. Then starts the second round. She slumps on her knees and starts eating his cock like candy to make it hard. After his cocks get back its hardness, she starts rubbing it over nipples. Then she put it between the curves of her two hardened breast. And then ………

After they are through their lovemaking, they go for a sleep in each other’s arms. When Sid wakes up, he finds her asleep. He starts patting her naked back, then her flat tummy, plays with her belly button for a while. Then licks her thighs and kiss her mount of Venice oozing with his juice. She wakes up, goes to bathroom. He sees her swinging bums with marvel.

She comes back with two tumblers of coffee. Handing him one, she says: ‘ You wanted to discuss some matter…

‘Yes, Sid fumbles for a moment, its like that I want to become woman.. want to change my gender …’

‘what… but why’? She gets carried away by this revelation.

‘I’m fed up of my gender. By becoming woman, I think I would do justice to my gender’.

‘How… after enjoying the male gender, you want to enjoy female as well..great’, she comments with mischief in her eyes.

‘You may say so but I did not enjoy the male gender and I want to compensate it by changing gender..’, Sid replies back with confidence.

‘Then go ahead…since you want to become woman. Go ahead… but I know why do you want to switch over to other sex?

‘Why..?’

‘You want to enjoy both sexes, then she laughs and says…. Joking .. I know you are very sexy. You got ocean of passion and tons of energy … you want to be loved as your wife has been over jealous and over possessive to the extent to be abnormal and cold too. She has been starving you of love and sex… you want to compensate….’

‘I did not know you have become a psychologist babe, Sid says putting his tongue deep into her mouth. She starts lolling his tongue with hers.

‘Don’t play victim, Anu says taking hold of his resurgent dick . You are brute and selfish. Very smart of you after enjoying being man … you want to enjoy being woman.’

She takes his hardened stuff in mouth and starts tonguing it. Then she plays with it. When it gets desperate to enter her once again, she obliges.

‘You brute, she moans. Sid is unable to decide she is addressing him or his cock deep into her.

‘After penetrating you want to be penetrated. Having cake and eaten it too. Gender change is ruse. You want to enjoy both worlds. Go ahead.’

Sid leaves Anu house in evening. She knows she has lost him. He would become woman. She is unable to understand as to why she is feeling cheated. It is his life and every life matters. Not only hers but his also. At least she could have lesbian relations with him after he becomes woman. Then she realizes that this cheating feeling has more to do with her husband Mohan than to Sid. It is Mohan that is to be blamed leaving me high and dry. He never tries to satiate me, she laments.

She should not blame Sid. It is his life and if he wants to become woman, let it be. She would find another man. There is no dearth of man. At least, for a woman like her. She observes her face, cups her breast in mirror and looks into her other vitals and figure. When her husband could not have any problem, why should she have?

She still remembers: Many times when she could not have orgasm and it has been rule rather than exception due to her husband premature ejaculation. He would go limp and tepid. When she was about to climax and ask him to do it with his fingers. He used to be reluctant even in that.

Even if he would agree to the fingering, he would do it reluctantly and rather halfheartedly. One night he was doing very tepidly. Even his finger was not having hardness she desperately needs to have orgasm. ’Oh baby, put your finger…’

‘I have put..’

‘But not feeling, she moans.

Her husband puts two, three, four and ……

‘Great baby….oh… ah..habanera do it fast…more ..more finger …insert more fingers…

He withdraws his lady like soft fingers abruptly: ‘I have put all five fingers, should Insert whole hand or both hand’. She misses her coming orgasm. She would have to seek didlo or some live toys to cool her down.

Her friends suggest she should go for all body massage and sex. Some says take the services of gigolo. Other suggests she should go for one night stand or find some steady lover. Both are risky in time of pandemic and AIDS. Loosing ones lover or beloved is easy but getting lover or going for one night stand or virtual whoring is fraught with risk. It is just scary.

Anu decides for full body massage and sex afterward. But she could not get satisfaction. Sex without love is just a mechanical activity which saps one energy and feel like cheated by none but by oneself. Then she goes for same sex massage and sex . It gives same feeling of disgust and repentance.

Then she wonders if boys are boys, why girls are not girls or cannot be also being like boy. This strange syllogism used to haunt her ever since her childhood. She often used to wonder ever since age of 10, as to why she does not have dick like boys. She has been suffering from castration complex. Why the girls are denied that boys are having it. When she asked her grandma, she put in her mind strange theory and fiction: God did this as primordial woman made a sin. Hence she is denied what boys have. But her Maa says it is because boys could be born.

But Anu has felt anger and melancholy at the same time. She does not accept this denial considering it as injustice done by nature. And this injustice must be rectified by having it by any means. She develops fascination for the male organ she is denied. Rather she courts obsession for it leading her to unknown and unchartered ways of life. She gets exposed to variegated exposure.

Anu is in her twelfth year. She is more or less adult or a voluptuous teenager with big breast swinging hips and narrow waistline. One day she meets Batra uncle, their family friend.

“Oh Anu… you have become big girl…, he hugs her tightly. She tries to feel his crotch. Some hardness pinches her crotches. She wants to see it , feel it.

‘Uncle! Won’t you give me candy, she throws the dice.

‘Sure but you will have to come to my home as it is in fridge, Batra uncle gives matching response.

She happily agrees. She goes to his place. He is widower. Anu has been friendly with him from childhood. He used to kiss her and make her sit on his lap. She used to enjoy the hardness between his legs. She used to slide and swing over it. This pulsating hardness used to give her strange pleasure.

But she has never seen it. She desperately wants to see it that nature has deprived her. But why candy has been taken away from her she could not find any just reason. For some sin! But what sin? Sin of being woman? Nonsense. But for getting it back she would do more sinning. But she has not seen it. She desperately wants to see it. She has noticed bulges in her father’s crotch, but could only imagine its shape and color. She desperately wants to see it and hold it.

Would uncle oblige, she has been wondering. But where uncle has gone, he is not seen around. Then bathroom of uncle creaks open. He comes in bathrobe. When she looks at him, his robe falls. And Anu gets the glimpse of bulging candy as if uncle has pumped to show her. The reddish tips jutting out form brown cylinder fascinates her.

Ever since then her obsession with cock becomes compulsion. She holds it and uncle obliges with breaking her virginity. Since then she has been riding it with madness.

Now she wants to own it. She wants to make up this deprivation by changing her gender. Yes she wants to be male with sugar daddy…..

The castration and reverse castration complex is endemic among girls and boys. But as they grow into their mature years, they get adjusted to their respective sexes. In Anu it lingers on as she does not accept the reality. But the fear of castration keeps men very sensitive about their sensuous organs. But woman nourishes the hypothetical loss of hypothetical male sex organ. And it helps her in getting sexual satisfaction to her expectation and capability.

There comes a break in the story. Not that Anu is pure fantasy or the Uncle is unreal. Or Sid has got second thought on his decision to change his gender. The break in the story has nothing to do with plot or story line and characterization. Sid and Anu still want to change their respective gender and sex. Everything has been going well. Then the writer enters the scene. Instead of telling story, he becomes a story himself.

The subplot of this new story is that the writer falls headlong in love with characters of Sid and Anu. Their characters prove to be too fascinating to go further. The storyteller becomes story himself. Like a ghost they enter the being of writer and possess him. The writer becomes characters of his own story.

The marked line between writer and characters gets blurred overlapping each other. The very tenuous and sensitive boundary between writer and characters get snapped. He falls in sort of love with his character of Sid and Anu. There comes breakdown in storyline. The writer could no longer write the story that he has been commissioned by his publisher.

As Sid -the main character of story wants to become woman changing his gender, writer also wants to become woman. He gets enamor of his character like Narcissus falling in love with his own face. But writer wants become woman without changing his gender. He starts imagining himself as woman. Not a simple woman with womanly and motherly embodiment but a slut.

He wants to become a nymphomaniac. This is height of insanity. But writer is now aware of his madness. This is crux of problem between a normal and mad person. A mad is not aware about of his madness. He thinks his madness is normal but a normal person is aware of his madness.

The writer imagines himself as Bobita, perhaps on pattern of Lolita. A well-developed bosom tucked in narrow waistline with broad hips and well-shaped figure. She wants to have sex with every possible person. She is promiscuous incarnation of the writer. The woman incarnation of writer-Bobita starts testing his own cum imaging what and how woman might be feeling while sucking. His dick becomes the dick of third person that Bobita is lolling out. His bum and bum hole is mount of Venice. He starts feeing the pleasure and pain of penetration by using finger and later on didlo.

As Bobita has entered the beautiful new world of woman, she feels herself like virgin of 14 or 16 years of age. Her sensitivity, sentimentality and susceptibility match those of virgin babe out to break it with suitable person. You may ask as to how I know.

Actually, this writer is my fellow writer. Once we have been rivals. Now we are friends as you know in almost all realm of life there is nothing like permanent friend or permanent enemies or rival. Friends may turn foe and foe might one day become friend. It depends on ever changing reality of life. The sages of wisdom say one should not form presumption about anything in the life.

Likewise, once we have been rivals. The writer, we can address him as Bobita as he has taken over the identity and the being of a woman, has published many books. Bobita has been successful writer. An established name in the world of fiction, he has been going ahead in life with great speed. On the other hand, I have been unable to publish any successful book which has sold more than 1000 copies. And in this cut throat world only success and salability matters to a great extent. The stories and plots that I have been spinning out could not find many takers.

When Bobita offered me to write and develop the plot of this story that he has been unable to go further down the storyline, I could not let the offer go for nothing. I accepted it.

Bobita has been enjoying his new being of woman in male body. In another word he might be called the bi-sexual and gay. He has become fascinated with his new role play. He has been feeling like new born. In the excitement and enjoyment of this new life, he has been unable to write. He has taken advance for this novel and has to submit within one year. So he handed over this novel to me and I agreed to become the ghostwriter of this novel. His name and byline will be remaining but money will be mine.

Before proceeding to start the story of Sid and Anu that has broke down in mid way, it would be interesting to know as to what happened to our esteemed writer Bobita.

Lost Writer

It is the story of a lost writer. A renegade he is proved to be after having lost everything. He loses his being, gender, sex, profession, his society, family and friends. But if you talk to him, you are certain to get impression that that he has got everything by losing useless things. He would sound like person who has attained Moksha or Nirvana by losing everything. But it is carnal Moksha which is very antithesis of Moksha or Nirvana.

But Bobita-the new name of his new avatar as female in male body-has lost sense of differentiation between eternal and ephemeral. He sees ephemeral body, desire, carnal love, sex, passion as eternal and eternal existence as ephemeral. He is not to be found fault with, it is love for being woman that is behind this. And love and passion is blind. Let it be. It is his life. If he wants to live in blind fold, it is none of our business.

There is another problem: he wants to become girl of 16 years and lady of 35 years of age at the same time. The resultant confusion, conflict and struggle within his self, used to put damper in his great stride. This is akin to having the cake and eaten it too. As if it is not enough, he wants to be male and female gender simultaneously in his bisexual self. Even in his gay experience and narrative, he switches from male to female and female to male .

In his carnal zeal to enjoy the sexuality of both genders, he forgets the law of nature and its dynamics. Time and space and everything go by its own law. Time and space is canvass on which the existence writes its story. One cannot stretch one age, gender and being to one’s whims and fancy. It could not hold in the reality. The desire of such unnatural thing leads to intense conflict making him insane.

Bobita starts with role play of 16 years old girl. It has been a short of dry run. A budding flower getting shaken by every wind, every gale of glaze, on touchstone of imagination a virtual or real touch resulting into cascading windfall of passion, dream and fantasy.

He is in the search of being she who has fitted entire flat with wall mirror. He could see the image of his new being- a budding flower of sweet sixteen. As mirror magnifies the light and energy, it also magnifies the images reflected in it and its effect. He gets carried by his magnified image of sixteen years which stretched to 20 to 25 and then reverts back to sweet sixteen.

In this mirror house, Bobita starts living the mirage of womanhood. He thinks it is womanhood even though it is nothing but bi sexual fantasy. A young girl exploring her new found sexuality with attended passion and energy, he has become she forgetting his being him. He has saved his body clean of hair and starts exploring his body from feminine angle. He can be she seeing his body as hers. He presses his chest imagining it as breast and nipples. An excitement runs through his body making him tight and erect. His crotches get the feel of that of a girl.

Then he tries to reenact the penetration. How she may be feeling when being penetrated. He simulates this feeling by using his fingers. Lo and behold he gets the feel of penetration. In addition he gets the feel of being penetrator and penetrated at the same time. A male and female in same body, whether it is invention or perversion, he is yet to decide.

One day he sees the ad of all men’s party on social media. He joins in. There he is initiated in all type of enjoyment. When it is known in party that Bobita is virgin, there is air of madness and jubilation to break his virginity.

There starts a mad rush to break the new found virginity of Bobita. He could not fail to be amused. In fact, he has been sort of blushing. Then organizer of the party puts a lottery system in place to decide the winner who would break his seal of virginity.

The names of all single and couples have been written in small piece of paper, duly folded and put in a bowl. Then these have been mixed up thoroughly. Bobita is asked to pick one paper.

The paper that Bobita picked contains the name of gay couple of mixed race-husband a black South African and wife a guy from northeastern part- a chunky guy. After winning the race to break the virginity of Bobita, they took him to their apartment.

In the party they do some sort of mechanical and biological drilling and grilling to initiate him into new arena. But they have been unable to know his proclivity—a lover or beloved. He shows the potentiality and capability of both. They have tested with fingering, drilling with vibrator and other fore plays.

The mixed race couple works in MNC. They have got nice company leased apartment in posh area of Green Park. By the time they reach their apartment with Bobita, it has already clocked 4 in the morning. They are exhausted and tired with partying all night. They decide to take short nap before breaking the virginity of Bobita. The moment they hit the bed, they fall in deep sleep.

Bobita is unable to sleep. He is too excited to sleep. But that excitement later turns into anxiety and melancholy. His past life and memories starts flooding his conscience.

Bobita the lost writer has been married twice and divorced. After taking divorce from his second wife, he has decided to take divorce from marriage itself. He has decided to stay single. He has had queer rather bitter experience from his wives. The first one proves to be lesbian in sexual proclivity rendering his sexuality stunted. The second wife has been too domineering and nymphomaniac to cope up with.

The first wife was a German lady. It was love at first sight. How did they meet is also a long story. To cut it short she was working in German embassy as desk clerk. Bobita had gone there in respect of visa for his friend’s cousin going to Berlin for studies in mining engineering.

His first wife name was Bennie or Sheena; I am unable to remember exactly. When the writer was telling his story, I missed their names. For convenience we could call his first wife as Sheena.

Sheena had sturdy German figure: broad shoulder, big tits and heavy body. In bed she would hold her awaiting him to exhaust expending all energy. She would be passive in the beginning. After he would exhaust himself, then she would start. She would censor him for exhausting and petering down early. Then she would show him down further putting damper on his sex urge. Then she would request to use finger to make her cum. But she won’t and then she would ask him leave it.

When Bobita would fall sleep, she would sneak into her Ayah room. She has had one Pilipino maid she had brought in dowry. She was her lover. After some time, she got bolder and started making love her maid openly. More often than not before his eyes. One day Bobita got excited and desired to make love with both at the same time. But his wife just jeered at him: you could not satisfy me now you would make threesome.

In beginning Bobita could not understand bed politics. But he came to know that her lesbian proclivity and it made everything clear. He had doubt when she would resist penetration by her passivity. When he would cum, then she would become active and would do stomach to stomach rubbing like lesbian.

Still Bobita had no problem with her, but she would demoralize him, doubt his manhood and sexuality and would usually put him down. She would blame him for premature ejaculation and unable to hold for long.

Sheena had developed lesbian tendency in her teen. Sheena lost her both parents in a fatal car accident. She only survived. She became orphan in her childhood. But thanks to God! Her auntie from father side came to her rescue.

She adopted her as she was single after getting divorce from her alcoholic and violent husband. He used to beat her as he suspected of her having some indiscreet relations. Later on she realized he was a sadist masochist. First he would beat her violently and then would brutally sodomize her.

When Sheena’s auntie proposed to adopt her, she felt a bit hesitant. But she had no option. The untimely death of her both parents had foreclosed all options. She hesitated because after divorce from her sadist masochist husband, her auntie had been into LGBTQ culture.

She only had some doubt in this regard, as she heard that the auntie had become ultra-socialite. There had been many stories being circulated in social circles. When her parents were alive, she had come twice or thrice to meet them. She did not fail to notice that her parents were ignoring auntie.

Sheena had been asked not to interact with auntie except formal greeting and respect. Whenever she used to come Sheena was asked to go away from home on some or other pretext. When Sheena tries to reason with them, they tell She is not good.

Sheena first night at her auntie home:

A night that became watershed in her life: A night that had no morning: An unending darkness of bliss inviting darkness in her life. She could not sleep when she went to bed. She cried missing her Mamma and Pa. She could not believe they were no more in this world. She had lingering doubt that they were playing hide and seeks just as she used to play with them.

She felt as if she were living in her childhood extending beyond her childhood. She did not know that life usually plays hide and seek. Sometimes human beings play hide and seek but most of the time the life does this trick on us. And we are usually tricked. The things or person that we seek remains hidden and elusive, while that we don’t come seeking us.

When pain reaches its limit, it becomes its own painkiller by default. Sheena started feeling light and happy without any things happening or any cause affecting her sorrow. Just as sorrow had come uninvited so the happiness or absence of sorrow and happiness she started feeling. She felt as if she had changed into new being and a new person descending from unknown world.

And this new being seemed to have become one with the night.

That night was abuzz with strange medley of sounds. Moaning, cooing, pleasure with pain and pain with pleasure: as if night was playing nature jockey with mixed melody coming out and rending the air with excitement and suppressed passion. When Sheena strained to know the source to tide over the fear of unknown, she at first found it pervading with the night. She thought some sort of ghost or bitch bitching the bewitching spell and aura. A fear ran down her spine.

Then she remembered her Daddy recipe to overcome fear: don’t give in to fear. Hold on and try to find the source giving rise to the fear. Fear has no being; it is only in mind making out rope as snake. See it as rope and fear of snake would go away. Fear is like darkness, bring the light of knowledge it would go away.

She tried to know the source and origin of fear. It was coming from auntie bedroom, Sheena discerned. Auntie giggling, moaning and cooing with pleasure and pain: She must be dreaming. But there was other person as well.

Sheena got curious. She could not help herself from peeping into auntie bedroom. The door was not closed properly. One could see her bed from crack of the door. The night light of bluish hue was making everything clear. Auntie was cuddling another woman and both were entwined like conjoined twins. They are playing with each other breasts.

Then auntie started sucking her partner nipples. She also did the same. Then they got in the six nine formations and start licking each other vagina. Then other woman mounts over auntie and started doing belly to belly dance on bed.

Sheena was lost in the unfolding scenario. How long, she forgot the time and space. She became all seeing being engrossed in the cascading scene. She got a jolt when door was opened and auntie found her peeping into her bedroom. She did not know when her hands had started fondling her own budding breasts. Her fingers in her vagina and she was caught masturbating.

Sheena rushed back to her bedroom. Rendering herself shorn of any clothing she again started masturbating. Then entered her aunties with her friend: Both in nature’s dress. They both lie down silently on her sides sandwiching her. And they broke her virginity initiating her into soft and silky world of same sex.

Since then it had continued. Even after marriage to our celebrated writer, it did not leave her. She took her maid along with her in dowry. The writer was just foreplay buddy and her real partner had been her maid. And it finally led to break in marriage and resultant divorce.

Bobita alias writer second wife turned out to be a sort of nymphomaniac. She was straight. But it was rumored that she was so hot that he could not satisfy her. She used to have extra fling daily. And that too, with all sorts of people ranging from driver, cleaner, carpenter, plumber and delivery boys.

This great secret came into open one day when Bobita came to home in afternoon. He caught her red handed, not with one or two but three person. It was exhilarating threesome; one form font, other behind and third in her mouth. He was so enraged that had he had gun, he would have killed all the four. He was all alone and they were three plus her majesty nymphet. Even it was his home, he could not do anything.

Then and there he decided to take divorce from his second wife. After long drawn battle of divorce and many rounds of court and lawyers chambers, he decided not to opt for remarriage. He started devoting his all time to writing, until these two characters of his own story-Sid and Anu took better of his writing career.

Before telling the further story of Bobita the lost writer who is stranded at the home of same sex couple to be initiated into bisexuality, I feel tempted to share my love story. Bobita is stuck up at home of same sex couple, and the couples are sleeping. They are exhausted to extent of dropping dead on the bed.

The writer is also lost in reverie. The story is also stuck up. When the couple would wake up in afternoon, and would proceed to break his homosexual or bi sexual virginity, the story would gain momentum.

Meanwhile just read the story of ghost writer which is titled as:

Ghost writer’s failed love story

From very childhood I have been attractive and magnetic. Girls and boys both used to like me. They liked innocent baby face, brown eyes, brown curly hair with stout body and average height. I used to be hero among boys and girls. They usually treated me like their personal hero.

From early childhood, one question, as is the case with the most of children, used to fascinate me: birth of child and sex. We used to discuss or talk about this mysterious question daily.

That day, I still remember, we three or four children sitting in the dockyard of sea side town of Daman were discussing this mysterious topic. My father had been recently posted there. We were just fascinated with seas side location. Sea side was our favorite place where we used to gather and play there. The jutting rock on the beach was our favorite meeting and playing point. Prakash, the son of bank manager was our leader of day where he would share revelation on birth and sex: From where child come and how it is made and related questions.

Prakash was elderly child among us. He seemed to have experience in this regard. He would not confirm whether secret knowledge is bookish or having practical inputs. But he cautioned us that no girl should come along with us. This was meant for me as it was I who was popular among girls. As Prakash knew many things that we did not, he became our leader. Knowledge is power we realized even in the childhood.

We were supposed to gather in dockyard off the huge boulder at the sea coast. It was nice place for hiding and indulging in any activity requiring privacy. Surrounded three sides by an arching rock and fourth side by the sea; it was quite suitable for such talks on birth and sex. There was a narrow opening between two adjoining rock from where we used to sneak into.

We all gathered around the arching rock. It was very cool Sunday morning. The sea breeze was refreshing. We all children were in happy mood and exalted as if we are going to get some sort of fabled treasure. Our sex education Guru was to arrive soon. In excitement we had arrived before time. The Guru was eagerly awaited. Meanwhile we were sharing our novice ideas on birth and sex. One said child come from sky and god put the baby in the bed in darkness of night. But other objected, many are born during day time.

Guddu said, children are produced when man and women kiss each other. We all laughed. In some western countries men and women kiss each other when they meet. So their population should have been more than India and China. His theory fell flat. Then silence ensued as all were straining themselves to think about these mysteries.

Then our Guru, Prakash was seen coming. We all shouted in jubilation. He came smiling and took seat on the highest point of the arching rock. Then he asked in a style of teacher who teaches by asking question: any idea friends from where children come? ‘From sky, one said. Other guessed with a smile: from cloud. Different from last time, Guddu said: God put children on tree and parents pick it from there. I said , God put child in mother womb and doctor gives birth by operation.

Prakash cast a very amusing glance all over us. He smiled his typical smile and after becoming a bit serious, he revealed the secret. The child comes from girls private part. What? Everyone said in wonder and disbelief. Don’t tell us. But it is fact, even if then we did not realize it.

Ever since then I became curious about girls private part. I wanted to see it, I wanted to feel it. Every girl that I used to meet, I would try to see her private part. Somehow or other, I would try to have look at it. One day I was playing with Ragini. We were playing various games, first indoor and outdoor. While playing ludo, I had glimpse of the between legs. She was having red drawer.

Then I persuaded her to go to the garden and taught her to play kancha or goli, tiny glass balls one has to put into hole from distance. But she was more interested in hoarding tiny balls. That too in fold of her drawer, which used to give me enough opportunity to put my hands to see balls or goli, feeling her silky abode between her two legs. I had a glimpse of it more often than not. It was really nice triangle partitioned in two jointed parts: white and pink.

I wanted to feel that triangle. I suggested playing the balancing game on narrow electrical pole lying in her sprawling courtyard. While playing she fell down. I helped her in regaining her balance and also felt her soft and silky triangle. Before I could cherish any pleasure she shrieked loudly and slapped me tightly. The play with her stopped for ever, as she complained to my mother. She called me dirty boy with whom no decent girl would play with.

As if it was not sufficient, Ragini used to come daily at my home to tease me. She won’t talk to me and would show hatred for me. She would play with my sister and brother, but not with me. She was very beautiful girl, big eyes, high cheekbone with fair and plump body. But she was ignoring me. Earlier we used to play all sorts of game ranging from Doctor- Doctor to parents- child and used to explore each other body and physical anatomy.

For some days I was very disappointed. Then I turned attention to Sudha. She was daughter of the bank manager. We used to go school together. As school was in shambles, the situation was very pathetic, we used to bunk classes and roam around the market. Our favorite place was kachahari (local courts) areas and sweet shops. The local court area was a happening place. There used to be a lot of shows and play like, magic show, monkey show, bear dance. We used to watch it after bunking classes and have sweets and samosa.

I started ignoring Ragini. Now Sudha was new friend with whom I wanted to explore my sex experiment. She was dark skinned and not less beautiful than Ragini. She had long legs and budding breast. She was good friend of mine and would never object to my experiment with sex

One day we bunked class. As was the routine, we- Sudha, her brother and my dog, Moti went for magic show and then madari show. Our dog Moti was capital dog. He used to accompany us everywhere. Even he used to go to school and used to await us in school campus. Even if we go cinema I would take him along with him. That day while we were engrossed in Madari and monkey show, Moti disappeared from the scene. When the show ended, and we did not find, we got anxious.

We did not know then Moti had got fling over a beautiful bitch. He had cornered her in secluded place, and was having nice time with her. We looked for Moti here and there. At last we found Moti mounting on bitch and poking her in doggie style. Sudha asked what they were doing. They were playing, I said, adding we could also try this game. She did not say anything. But she blushed and was curious at the same time.

After this event, I was in lookout for appropriate time and place to re-enact this game of love with Sudha. We used to play hide and seek in evening. I thought it best to execute my game plan during this game. We used to play at our home. My father had hired a castle of local king for office and residence. It was called Dhamana Castle. It had 15 living rooms and 20 outhouses. Half of the castle housed the office of District Forest department headed by my father. And rest was used by residential purpose.

The castle had big courtyard flanked by outhouses on both sides. There was a large front courtyard in front of castle. We were playing there. After darkness fell, we went indoor to play. Mother was having kitty party with her friends. Father was out in club. So we were at large at our own. I thought it right time to experiment sex with Sudha. By the time only we two had been left playing hide and seek. Then I decided to corner her to one of the desolate and isolated outhouses.

Then a power outage happened plunging us in darkness. And inverter was not in vogue, so it proved to be advantageous to us. I took Sudha in my arms proposing her to replay the doggie game. She kneeled down on perching her hands and legs like dog and asked me to play. I was amused at her innocence. ‘ Lie down on your back on sofa, I told her. She lied down. I pulled down her pantie to her knees and did as Prakash had told.

But it pained me and there was no enjoyment. Prakash had instructed that we do it repeatedly then it would give enjoyment. He was thinking to follow this advice when our servant, Ramu barged into drawing room with candle. He caught me red-handed and complained to my mother. And I got some real thrashing and 15 days confinement within four walls of the house. No friends. No play. It was a sort of home imprisonment. A feeling of sin, guilt and punishment was conditioned in my psyche since then.

And this feeling of sin, guilt and punishment was to haunt my love and sex life. I got fixated with it. In my unconsciousness it got imbued proving spoiler without being aware of it. It started giving rise to strange game of attraction and repulsion.

This one month of virtual Home Confinement as ordered by my mother led to cultivation of unique hobby and time pass: catching birds. From catcher of girls to catcher of birds, it was unique transformation. I used to catch all sorts of birds—sparrow, mynah, bulbul, parrot and crow.

There was a sprawling lawn and garden in front of the castle. All sorts of birds used to flock there. I improvised a unique method and instrument of bird catching. I used a round basket made of bamboo wood, one stick to hold it standing and a long rope tied to the stick. Some baits such as gram, wheat, rice, red chilly would be scattered around the basket.

When any bird would come to eat the bait in the catchment circumference of basket, I would pull down the rope tied to stick holding the basket. I would take position behind a tree or bush to deceive the unsuspecting bird. When rope was pulled, the basket would fall over the bird busy in nibbling bait and make it imprisoned.

Then I would catch it and tied her legs with rope. Some birds would eat the grains and eatables offered to it. But most of the birds thus caught would refuse to have it. Then I would make them free. They would rejoin their flocks. I would also catch butterflies, moth and other flying insects. After catching them, I would put them in transparent container and bottle. I would watch them struggling to get freedom from their captivity. When they would get tired of their efforts to get freedom and become still, I would free them.

When I think as to why I used to do such rather inhuman act, there are many narratives. Firstly it was out of boredom that I was doing. Secondly, I was compensating the lack of having of no friends and play mates due to Home Confinement I was put into by my mother for experimenting sex with Sudha.

I tried to be friendly with birds and insects after catching them. I would offer food and make efforts to play with them. But when captive birds and insect would fail to respond to my friendship, I would become sad and disappointed. Then I would let them loose to the freedom. Or it might be I was getting sadistic pleasure in them and avenging my home confinement.

But this catching of birds came to an abrupt end after I caught a baby crow. All the crows of the area gathered at my courtyard. They lay seize over our garden and courtyard. Even if I released the baby crow in bargain, peace was nowhere in sight. The group of crows would pounce upon me the moment I venture to come out in open. My mother had given me home confinement. Yet I could go out in garden and courtyard. But the crows further confined me to inside the home.

The girl catching got me home confinement and bird catching room confinement. My life seems to have been in catch 22 situations from very start.

After the sex experiment fiascos and home confinement for a month, my love venture venues shifted to other homes.

I still remembered it was a beautiful Sun shining afternoon. It must have been spring. The Sun was getting brighter, but still it was cool. In the castle, there was silence having engulfed every nook and corner. Being Sunday, the office housing the castle was closed. Mother and father were taking afternoon siesta. The servants and maids after doing their daily chores were resting in their respective outhouses. Outstation staffs have gone to their respective nearby towns and villages as they do on every weekend.

I was alone cutting a lonely figure. My lone companions and friends, the birds and animals that I used to catch or those who have caught my attention have been freed from their bondage. I was wandering listlessly in the courtyard. I was eager to move out outside. I have overheard from my parents that they would allow to go and play outside: With some riders and a lot of dos and don’ts.

I decided then and there that I would go to outside world form tomorrow or today. I could not wait for few days that they were contemplating. It was one month since I had not set my foot outside. It was enough. I started planning as to what I would do and where I would go, whom I would meet. ‘Ragini is out. Prakash is red flagged. Sudha has been blacklisted, I was thinking. ‘Let’s see with whom I am allowed to play’.

Lost in future rendezvous, a strange sound of hissing and subdued laughing and talks caught my attention. It was coming from one of the outhouses being used for warehouse and store of precious wood and herbs. Who could be there?

When I entered the corridor, I had a glimpse of servant Ramu and maid Munia busy in love making. I entered the room and caught them red handed. It was same Ramu who caught me experimenting sex with Sudha and had complained to my mother.

Now it was my turn. Munia was lying on her back, her legs spread. Her sari and petticoat was pulled over to her belly. Ramu was piled over her moving his body up and down. Munia legs were clasped over his back. Her eyes were shut in pleasure and Ramu was moving backward and forward between her legs.

With each forward movement of Ramu, Munia was moaning with pleasure. Then Ramu gave joyous cry as if he reached climax and then collapsed motionless over her body. Munia continued moaning with cry and pleasure as if she were in seventh heaven.

Then I announced my presence with artificial coughing. ‘What’s happening, I looked askance at them. Ramu gathered his clothes and hurried forth outside. Munia remained lying on back with her rounded beautiful whitish breast with pink nipples jutting out form her opened blouse. Her thighs were like two marble chiseled pillars and her belly button was like tiny crater lake in her belly mountain. White cum of Ramu was oozing out from her split mount of Venice like half molten ice.

Munia beckoned me , “Come Raja I would tell what is happening.”

She was in mood of bribing me. She knew I would tell my mother. Both she and Ramu would lose their jobs. There was no chance of being bribed, I was sure. Ramu had complained to my mother about my sexual escapade rather experiment with Sudha and I would certainly take revenge.

Meanwhile, Ramu had locked the door from outside and was standing like sentinel to guard my bribery. Munia threw off her blouse, petticoat and sari to make complete offerings to me. She was naked making me mesmerized rather hypnotized by woman beauty. I got lost in her two globes with pinkish centre. The flat belly and beautiful belly button looking like a pearl stuffed mound. The crotched with brown hairs was like two sides of narrow but deep mountain river flowing in the valley of her legs flanked by brown vegetation.

I just plunged into river. But before I could enter the river of Venice, my mother barged into the outhouse. The sentinel Ramu guarding the guarded was first causality. We were caught red handed. Ramu and Munia lost their job. I was packed to hostel like my siblings.

My two elder brothers were very meritorious. As there was no good school in the area, they were sent to boarding school outside the state. But I was sent to hostel as punishment.

In the hostel, life was boring and solitary type. It was all boys hostel. I was missing my all friends, Dhamna castle , freedom of plenty and all female friends. But the school was co-education where girls used to come as day scholar. They used to provide some colors in my jaded hostel life.

There were few girls even in my class. One of them was stunningly tall, well-built and fair with big breast. I used to be just enamored of her beauty. More often than I used to stare her. She was responding silently. But were were unable to go further. Her name was Lata.

There was a rumor doing round in our class. And it was regarding Lata. She was having affair with Pandey Sir. Some said Sir was having affair with her. But it was same for me. Sir was very handsome and with lot of muscles and hair. He used to give her special attention. And also special class he used to give to her after school hour.

Our school used to be morning shift and by afternoon it used to wear desolate look. After having lunch, we used to have afternoon siesta. One afternoon I was unable to rest. Sleep was nowhere in sight. I just came out in corridor leading to empty class rooms. As school had recessed, there was no trace of any student or teacher.

While I was sauntering around the desolate class rooms, a strange muffled sound caught my attention. I stopped in curiosity and started discerning the source of sound. It was our class room and now sound of talking and laughing became more clear.

The door was locked form inside. It made me more curious. I tried to spy form cracks and key holes of the door. Two figures appeared cuddling each other. Then one figure bent down on table and other started removing her dress. My curiosity got better of me. I went to the back side of class room.

To my good luck, the window was half opened. Full view was available. Lata was bent over the table. Her salwar and undies were pulled down showing her milky white bottom. Sir was pumping her from behind in rhythmic movement. Up and down over her. Sir was half naked like Lata. I zoomed down to have full view. Sir thing was going up and down in her thing. It was mesmerizing scenario. Hypnotized and excited by it, my hands went to my thing and I started frigging.

A cat jumped into window. Perhaps she was on trail of a mouse. But Sir caught me peeping into his sexual escapade. Pandey sir ordered me to come from main door. When I entered the class room, Lata was sitting on front row chair, her elbow on table. She was pretending to jot down something in her notebook. Sir told me that he was teaching Lata sex education.

“ Would you like to join, he asked.

I did not say anything but joined Lata in listening to his lecture on sex education. He started with theory of sex education. First he discussed female anatomy in most lewd and obscene terms. All the time he was looking at Lata. My pogo started getting out of control.

Then practical was to start. He told us to get ready for that. First he stripped himself naked. His thing was very massive thick and big like adult sized lollypop. He asked me to hold and to give the demo as how it swells, growing bigger and bigger. I hesitated and a bit ashamed of what happening. Then he asked Lata to hold it. She obliged very enthusiastically.

Then he began to undress Lata and give me demo of female anatomy. He showed me her nipples and how it get hardened when sexually aroused. I could not notice as my pogo started getting bigger. When Pandy sir notice it he but could not fail to admire its length and girth. He commented that if it is such huge entity in 12 odd years, it would get enormous in adulthood.

Lata was looking at it with admiration. Sir asked me to put my thing into her. I tried to do it but unable .Then Lata helped me into putting it in right place. We were mid-way in the sex practical session, when sir tried to put his pego into my bum by rubbing on hole…..

Knock… knock. We all got panicky.

What’s happening? It was the Headmaster of school. He caught us red handed involved in immoral act. We all were put to probe and enquiry. The teacher was suspended. His argument that he was imparting sex education had no taker. It fell flat on ground without any hearing. Lata left the school in shame.

And I was put into special care at hostel warden’s residence.

I was punished and sent to special care at warden residence. I was isolated from other inmates of hostel as punishment. I was very afraid and anxious. What would happen to me? But then I could not guess this punishment would be enjoyment and pleasure trip. Life struck me as strange. I never imagined punishment would be pleasure. But later on this punishment proved to be pleasure worth cherishing and remembering.

The hostel warden was very strict disciplinarian type of person. He put me in the guesthouse of his official residence. The guesthouse was in the corner of warden residence linked with the hostel by a closed corridor. I was supposed to be stay put there. I was allowed to go attend classes during school time. After that back to room and then allowed to play for one hour at school playground. The breakfast, lunch and dinner was served at my room.

The warden had a daughter of 13-14 years old. She was slightly mentally retarded having problem of stunted growth. She would come to my room and talks nonsense. Sometimes she would insist playing with me. She was fair with brown eyes and average body. Her mind had developed in proportion to her body which was voluptuous.

She had got big breast always visible form sleeveless tee .She used to be always in shots and sleeveless tee. Her globes and split used to be visible more often than not putting my senses on fire. I could see her two bum cheeks as her shots usually used to be suck up in her bum crevice.

This used to give hard stand to my things. I had to adjust it pressing it between two legs or getting it held upward and hold with shots belt. Her name was Nilu who always used to be accompanied by a maid servant. She had been specially hired for her.

The maid was another capital girl. She was 20 year old and always used to wear tight fitted jeans and tee. She was another cause of my hard stand. She always used to catch hold of my hardstand. She used to blush profusely when I adjusted my cock stand.

Nilu rather seemed to be fascinated with me. She would always try to be near me. She would play with me, read and learn asking me to recite the text. She would accompany me to even playground. My friends and classmates used to tease me for this.

One night I was going to sleep. Nilu came with a bang with her noise and frolicking mood. Her maid servant was in toe as usual. She played with me and talked about all possible things. It was getting late night. The maid servant told her, ‘let’s go its sleep time. Let Bhai sleep’.

‘No I would sleep here, Nilu said. I was amusingly surprised. So was her maid servant. She persuaded Nilu to retire in her room. But Nilu was adamant at sleeping with me,

She lied down on my bed. I moved to other side of bed sitting on the edge. Maid tried to persuade her again and again, but Nilu refused to budge from my bed. The maid went out threatening her to complain to her mother. .but even that threat failed to have any effect. She turned to her side and feigned to sleep tightly.

Maid went out and came along with her mother. Nilu’s mother was going to sleep and she came in her nightdress. It was the first time I was seeing her from close quarters. She was very attractive and smart. Beautiful face, sizeable breasts as if inviting to fondle and curvaceous body visible in her all see through night dress. Her all assets were so hot and sizzling that I got instant hard stand. And she noticed it with her long side glance.

Nilu did not relent to her mother’s pleas. She was adamant to sleep with me. As a last resort her papa was called forth. He came and carried her away. But I could not sleep for two hours. Warden wife face and her voluptuous body had taken away my sleep. Only after frigging myself I could sleep.

It was Sunday afternoon. After having lunch I was resting in my secluded room. Nilu’s sleeping episode and warden’s wife voluptuous body showing from her transparent night dress was still fresh in my memory. It was making me restless; I was feeling like frigging again. Ever since that sizzling encounter I have been frigging twice in a day. My pogo used to be in always in stand up mode.

I was about to frig, then Nilu entered in her typical dress of short sleeveless belly button showing tee and shorts too short as showing her inner thighs and mount of Venice. Her pointed breasts and inner thighs giving glimpse her hairless split gave me uncontrollable hard stand. But I feigned sleep.

She uttered some sound to check whether I was fast asleep. I did not stir. She put her hand over my face. I did not respond. Then she silently lied over me. I was on my back with my pogo in stand up mode. She lied over it.

Even then I did not stir feigning as if in deep sleep. But she was not feeling comfortable as my hard stand was not allowing her to lie with ease. She tried to adjust the position of her crotches. But erect pogo was putting pressure on it. She dismounted and started observing it sitting over edge of the bed.

My throbbing pogo had aroused her curiosity. She looked at it with amusement and finding it pulsating she touched it. The pogo gave a kick. She shrieked as if some high voltage current had touched her. Then she started prying her eyes all over my body, feeling here, touching there.

By that time,my hardstand could not be held inside the confine of shorts. It unzipped itself showing its red tipped warhead of a rocket ready to be launched. She looked at with puzzling curiosity. I was seeing it from corner of my half shut eyes. She was looking at my tool with puzzling curiosity. Then slowly she touched it, then held it. Now was the time to wake up.

‘who’s it, I said opening my shut eyes.

‘Oh! Its me, Nilu said removing her hand from the tool.

After a pause she asked, ‘what’s it?

‘Third leg..’

‘Third leg? I did not know there is third leg also.., she said.

But I did not know then the smart maid servant was spying on us. She was behind the half opened door from where Nilu had entered.

‘What is the use of third leg, Nilu asked

‘ To enter your thing so that we could get pleasure, I said

‘How it is possible. Show it to me.’

No sooner than I put my tool into her thing, the maid entered and distracted us; what’s happening.

Then she started blackmailing us: ‘oh I see …you were playing dirty game… a silly thing. I would make a complaint t with warden and his wife.’

I beseeched her not to tell them. In lieu of it I offered anything to her. But the maid started blackmailing and taking undue advantage. But I did not mind it. She would take me to her residential quarter and would play with my asset. Sometimes she would rub it, and make it swell. Then she would eat it like candy. She would not forget put it in her sex. There was no harm until one day Nilu’s mother caught us.

But it proved to be a sort of blessing in disguise. Warden’s wife started making love with me. She would hug me very tightly with passion. Whenever she would find me alone, she would kiss me and rub her sex with mine, asking me to suck her nipple. Whenever the warden was in school and hostel doing his duty, she would come to my room and play with me.

She was very fond of my tool. She would play with it, sag it, gag it and put in her mouth like candy and would eat it like honey. It was she who broke my virginity in real sense of term. She initiated me into beautiful world of love making that would prove fatal later on.

It was a beautiful spring afternoon. Warden had gone to school after taking launch at his residence. I was resting after having come from attending the classes. And was planning to study as exams date has been announced. Then Nilu came and informed that that her mother is sick and calling me.

I went to her bedroom. She was in bed with her gown pulled over her navel region. As there was no undergarment, her sex was presenting panoramic view. Her breast with hardened nipples was quite alluring. When she saw me coming, she said in very low tone,” you have come. Please shut the door and lock it.” And then it was all play of Mount of Venice and no work of mine….

Afterward it became regular feature. I started bunking classes and the enjoying nature gift. But warden got suspicious and shifted me back to hostel.

In the hostel I was temporarily put into a dormitory which used to be transit accommodation for new comers. One such new boy had joined hostel recently. He volunteered to share bed with me. But I did not guess that he had some other game plan. When everyone was asleep, he put down his pant and started rubbing his bum with my front. When I woke up, he held my tool and said, ‘put it..”. I tried but unable to enter and at last my thing emitted its discharge at the mouth of hole.

But I got disgusted with all these and preferred to sleep on floor. I did not notice one senior was sleeping beside me. He was spying all our activities. And he was so excited that no sooner than I went to for sleep, he started rubbing his erected tool against my bum. When I woke up, my shots was pulled down knee, and he was rubbing my bum. He was trying to soften it so that it could enter. When I protested, he put his huge tool in my hand, shrieked so loudly that he got scared and moved out silently.

It was summer break. Back to home: Freedom to do any possible thing. Freedom to explore unexplored thing, Cycling, walking, swimming, fishing and all fun and frolics. The only limiting prospect was the hot and long summer afternoon. We were not allowed to set out foot outside till hard Sun mellowed a bit. And it was only in early evening. But mornings and evenings were just exciting and full with actions and activities.

My all friends back home were missing me when I was in hostel. Amar told me about all our friends. Ragini had left the town as her papa had been transferred to other place. Prakash too was gone. Sudha, with whom I explored love and sex and got punishment also shifted to other town.

Among the old friends only Guddu and her brother Amar I could meet. But they were also leaving the town as her father had been posted to other state. They were to depart within one week.

It was shocking for me. I started crying. Amar consoled me, hugging me passionately. Then he said he wanted to give me parting gift. His sister had also some interesting gift for me. What gift the duo brother and sister would give , I was wondering.

And what gift they gave me I was unable to remember. But Guddu offered herself and her thing as parting gift. We just hugged, kissed and rubbed each other’s tools. My thing could not enter hers. But it was unforgettable gift. Her brother also offered same sort of gift. We played with each other things and enjoyed the parting gift.

Was it extension of hugging and kissing , not sure. But it seemed as natural and spontaneous these soft sensations. Only difference was that parting gifts were exchanged in desolate darkness of garage.

Ragini was gone. Praksh and Sudha had shifted. Now Guddu and Amar were going. I was getting nostalgic. Only incorrigible Mohan Murari, the twin sons of Professor Sinha were there to give some semblance of friendship. But Mohan Murari used to fight among them more often than not. And their sisters and cousins, Doli, Roli and Pili were always busy in unending marriage of their male and female dolls.

First I would play with Mohan Murari. But soon they would pick up fight among them on one pretext or other. The play would give place to fisticuffs. We would transform into onlooker from player. When their dummy fight would turn phony, I w would flee to their sisters’ room. And as usual they would be busy in playing marriage game of their dolls.

They would ask me do some work and be companion to bride or bridegroom. One day I suggested to add new module to the game of marriage. The first Day was the new module of the play instead of First night or betrothal night as our love guru Praksh had taught. First night would have sound indecent. The girls were elder than me with long legs and sizeable tits.

The girls or Mohan Murari’s sisters, I was unable to remember their names, liked my idea of new module. But they did not know how to proceed with it. I was there to help them. After marriage is consummated, the bride doll and bridegroom doll were to be left alone for enjoying the first day. Once they were shut in the room, the play would start. As I was to accompany bridegroom, and the duo’s elder sister to go with bride in the room, the first day was alibi for enjoying her sex.

The Nitti gritty of the play was simple. After dolls marriage we would be shut in the room. We shall kiss each other, undress and play with each other assets. I was able to enter the elder sister’s thing in first attempt. She initially resisted but once she got the taste for it, she started loving it.

But with younger sister it was problematic. The two clamps of her triangle was so tight that I had to make forced entry. And she got the pain and gave a loud shrike. Her mother came and it was end of the game.

My entry was banned in their house.

The afternoon that day was cloudy and hazy. It was a bit cooler. I was allowed to go out. But I did not like to go visit Mohan Murauai and their sisters as they had invited me to club house. The same fight and marriage of their baby and boy doll. I got fed up. Instead I decided to visit Vicky house.

Vicky was not at home. He had gone to attend the summer class and would not be at home before evening. Her mom told me. She also told me that Vicky father is on tour. I started moving out from there. But Vicky’s mom stopped me. ‘ stay I am feeling bored. I would treat you with hot chocolate, she said. Let me have bath and watch TV’.

She was wrapped in white towel. Her fair and pinkish skin matching with it giving the feel of nakedness. When I looked at her, I got moonstruck: her brown hair tucked in bun shaped pony, broad shoulders sliding down to whitish full breast, quite visible. Even valley between two breasts was quite alluring. Her inner thighs were well shaped and cylindrical. I got instant hard stand. She did not fail to notice it. She gave appreciating glare at the bulging region.

She entered the bathroom, leaving door half open. She was visible from where she made me to sit. Then she called me, ‘please give me hairpin. Its on centre table.’ I picked up the hairpin and before I knocked at the half opn bathroom door, she opened it. Now she was without towel, her naked body glistening with water. My hard stand got harder. ‘please soap my back as my hands could not reach there., she said without caring for hairpin.

When I was soaping her back, she turned her face. She took my tool in her hand and starting kissing it. She ate it it like candy and I came out inside her. Then she carried me to her bedroom and ………..

I reached home in evening. There was bad news for me. But I did not know then it would be prove to be jolly good and jolting bad. Then nightmare for the life!

It so happened that my uncle and auntie had visited our home. They wanted me to be with them during summer vacation as they were childless. Uncle was in his late 50s while auntie was in mid 30s. She was uncle’s second wife. First wife he divorced as she was unable to bear children for him.

Now it was more than five years of second marriage but still they were childless. It seemed uncle had some problem. Otherwise he would have child from second marriage. But auntie was so good. She was in her 30s but so fit,slim and trim that she looked like a girl. She was well shaped with sizeable breast and broad shoulder, narrow waist and tight rounded hips. When she hugged me I got instant hardstand.

Then she again hugged for quite some time saying ‘how cute he is, I want child like him’. At the same time, she hugged me so tightly that my hardstand was touching her mount of Venice.

She kept on saying ‘Oh I want cute child like him and hugging and kissing even in SUV when we were on way to uncle’s home. Uncle was driving and auntie was in rear with me. She was in low skirt and sleeveless tops. I just turned mad when I saw her in such tight fitting sexy dress.

Throughout journey, she would hug me repeating‘ oh I want cute child like him’, while looking at uncle who was keeping an eye on us. But she did not forget to place her hand on my crotch bulging with intensity. She would do it so smartly as if it were just natural.

Uncle’s place was four hour away. We reached in evening. We were tired and went to sleep quite early. Being a new place, I could not sleep till midnight. There was a sort of loneliness hanging around the house. No children, no servant, only uncle and auntie. When uncle would go office, it would become more desolate. What I would do in such weird place? It was bothering me.

Next morning I slept very late. By the time I woke up, uncle had left for office. But I was just lazing out at bed imagining what auntie would be doing. Lo and behold, no sooner than I thought about her, she came. I feigned sleep. She must have noticed I was awake but posing to be asleep. She sat on edge of my bed. I changed the side and put my hand on her lap. She held my hand delicately and kissed it, muttering’ such a beautiful hand.

I opened my eyes and put my head on her lap. She started patting me: hair, head, my hand, stomach. Then she stopped looking at my bulging crotch. ‘what is this, she asked touching it gently and blushing profusely. ‘I don’t know auntie, but often get hard, I feigned ignorance.

‘You must be feeling pain, she commented with concern.

‘yes auntie…. But why does it happen?

‘Let me see it, she unzipped my shots.

‘oh its very hard. Let me loosen and soften it.’ She started massaging and sucking it alternatively. But it got more hardened. ‘Let me put in split’.

‘Split?? what split?

She showed her split looking very alluring amidst brown hairs. ‘ it could be cured by putting into it. Do you want to be cured of hardness?’

‘Yes auntie.

After it got cured of its hardness, she said that she would cure it daily in morning. Only then it would be okay. And the daily treatment started. It continued till uncle found it.

I remembered it was cool morning despite summer was in its peak. The hordes of cloud descended making morning looking like dusk. I was awaiting auntie rather desperately. She was to introduce me another place where tight pogo could be loosened. I was curious. She said it could be loosened in bum and mouth. My curiosity increased and practical demo was about to begin.

Auntie instructed to get rid of all clothes. She also did the same. But I preferred first to be loosened in by the her beautiful split nestled among brown hairs. Then mouth and bum. Everything went smoothly in split and mouth. She was hardening it for introduction to bum that uncle barged into home unannounced. And auntie in her excitement had forgotten to lock the front door.

Uncle car developed problem. He left the car at roadside as it was raining cats and dogs. He decided to take leave from office and enjoyed the rainy day with auntie.

But……

I was packed to my home. Uncle hired a taxi and bundled me into it. When I reached home, mother greeted with coldness. She did not offer even glass of milk or water. Father also cold shouldered me. Uncle had briefed them about our escapade.

But was it my fault?

Then came the bombshell: Auntie had got pregnant. Uncle was about to have pleasure of becoming father. But he shunned that pleasure and gave divorce to auntie.

Was it my fault? Yet I was sent to a Vaidik school. There I was given two time meal and the most of time remained starved. . Brahmcharya, celibacy, control of sense and sense object was taught, apart from comparative theology.

After schooling from a traditional School I was promoted to a traditional University linked to the school. I had learned my lesson. Desire is the root cause of problem. Senses are tricky and sense objects are a trap. Once you get snared into them, you are lost. Control and suppression of desire and sense objects are only hope.

I did not know then that if you suppress your desire, control the sense object such as love and sex, it becomes more intense. There ensued struggle in my life: one half of my being asking for desire and sense objects and other control. Strife and restlessness followed. Nobody taught me that it could be tamed by creativity or brahmcharya or discourse on greater reality and controller of world and its forces. Brahmcharya does not mean suppression of desire and sense objects but its transcendence- involved with sublime activities.

This half baked knowledge became my destiny. What is destiny but what you do or want to do and unable to do. Destiny is ones condensed karmas or action and effects. This I realized later on.

Cut back to traditional school and university: Strict environment and routine. Despite this suffocating atmosphere I did not feel like going home even if it was summer vacation or winter break or other holidays. Ever since divorce of my uncle and auntie, my parents had become negligent of me.

They used to avoid me as if I was some untouchable. They used to prefer my siblings. I used to feel like stranger at my own home. Mother won’t talk to me or care for me. Even if she did, she would be doing with an attitude as if she was doing favor to me. Father was too busy in his own world to care for me.

So I avoided going home during vacation and festivals. During school and university break, I used to visit one or other batch mate. Some of the failed love stories happened there.

But I was unable to understand: what was my fault? It was auntie who wanted kid like me. She announced it publicly. She made me to make love with her. She actually raped or sexually assaulted a minor. Apart from legal aberration, it was incest and incest is social and moral taboo. It was she who led me to such crime; she got pregnant because she wanted to be. It was she who initiated me into it. Uncle too seemed to be responsible for it.

If divorce followed how come I could be held responsible? But who could make my parents to understand it.

Sorry readers! We got astray. Where were we? I was in hostel. It was summer vacation. I did not go home or rather feel like going there. Hostel was deserted as all boys had left for their respective homes. There were few guys like me who did not go home.

Viru was one of such guy. He was handsome, fair and cute boy. There was rumour doing round that he was girlfriend of warden. The warden and headmaster was one person and nobody could question. Wherever there is concentration of power, there is abuse of the power and corruption.

Viru was used by the headmaster cum warden as honey trap to catch other prospective girlfriend. He was promiscuous and bi sexual. There was some whispering birdie that he made love with his wife in boy style. He also used to adopt various stratagems to add to his harem of cute boys.

The favorite was service to guru. The unsuspecting victim would be called for tending body ache and soft massage. While victim would be pressing his body, his pogo would be up above its ground. And lecherous guru would offer lollipop to his cheli.

Viru tried to trap me by other means: offering his service to me directly. It was afternoon, blistering heat outside with blazing summer sun. But inside it was cool. We were resting in our dormitory after having lunch. I was reading a filmy magazine. Then I got fixated on blow up of an actress known as sex siren. Her sex appeal got my fancy.

Meanwhile Viru came and sat on edge of my bed decking his bum to my bulging pogo. We started seeing magazine forming man and woman equation. He started praising the girth of pogo and started playing with. Then he took doggie position asking me to take it. I tried but unable to enter the dragnet.

Our excitement was growing in direct proportion to failure to penetrate. He suggested putting some oil to his thing and my thing for lubrication. I picked up a bottle of coconut oil and started lubricating the key and lock. But I failed to notice the red ants feasting on coconut oil. When they started feasting on our tools, then we came to know.

Destiny, design or coincidence! I was unable to decide. But I got such guilt pang that made dash down to home. When I saw Ma, I started crying. She thought I was crying because I did not come home at the outset of summer vacation!

It was festival time. The school was in recess for one week. I did not go home as usual. My friend Rocky offered me to celebrate Holi in his village. He said, I should know how village folks celebrate the festival of color. It was fantastic idea.

There was slight apprehension as well. My last venture to enjoy village Holi had proved to be nightmare. Last year, we went to celebrate Holi in our native place. My parents wanted me to be acquainted with the way Holi is celebrated in village. I was very much excited.

In the village the Holi started with flinging dust and mud. Then it shifted to wet Holi of color. In afternoon it slide to booze, smoked mutton and grilled chicken party, ganja and bhang, thandai and tharra.

When evening came, Holi degenerated to bawdy and vulgar dance and song. And then it lost to caste fault line of Indian village.

It so happened that a bawdy and vulgar dance troupe of Mor and Morini (Peacock and she-peacock) and Nag and Nagin(Cobra and she-cobra)was sponsored by the lower caste people. Everything was going smoothly. The reveling crowd was frolicking with a lot of fun.

But when this troupe entered the upper caste Tola (locality), it was greeted with bomb and gunshots. The lower caste people had anticipated it. They responded with counter attack. The entire village had turned into two hostile camps. We had to leave for town in the mid-night of Holi day.

With such apprehension, I set for Rocky village to celebrate Holi. Nature was celebrating the onset of spring. It was spring time. Nature had taken new hue. The weather was lukewarm, neither too hot not too cold. The flowers were in full bloom. The gloom of winter was just a fading memory. The color of Holi was taking people and their surroundings in its joy and happiness. The traditional Holi songs and community singing was rending the air enveloping the collective mood with festivity.

Everything was going well. But just one day before Holi same problem cropped up: inter caste rivalry, attack and counter attack. There was some old dispute and some skirmishes followed. An attack was feared. Rakish’s mother was very much worried. More so because his father had been unable to visit home on Holi as he could not get leave due to some problem.

Rakesh’s mother was tense. She was worried about my safety. She made it clear that Rakesh and I would sleep with her. It was motherly way of safeguarding us. But I could not sleep in new place. Rakesh was sleeping between me and auntie. I was rolling from this side to that side. Auntie too was unable to sleep but Rakesh was fast asleep. At one moment her hand hanged across Rakesh to my side. I touched her hand and she responded by holding it. I got bold.

I started patting her hand, wrist and she conceded more of her. I started pressing her breast. She unbuttoned her blouse making her two full size rounded tits with hardened nipples to my hands. She also put her legs on my crotch as to measure its state of affairs. I started rubbing her legs with my legs. I got so excited that I mounted on her.

But she was scared lest Rakesh did not wake up. She hissed in my ears, ‘let’s go to ante room’. She led me to ante room. She lied down on bed in the ante room. She asked me to shut the door. Then she unbuttoned her blouse and put her saree over naval areas. The mount of Venice was shining like crescent moon. I just mounted over her and was about to enter her under her guidance that Rakesh was heard calling her. She dismounted me, buttoned her blouse and after putting on her saree properly went away.

I left Rakesh home next day. Had I stayed for few days, I would have had her. But this failed love making proved to be landmark in my life. I started shunning all desires and accepting what life offered.

One day in college a girl took my fancy. It was love or lust at first sight. After preliminary introduction, we went to river side and sit in a secluded place. In tandem with flowing river, we started floating in the ocean of love. In an instant we became very intimate, kissing each other and feeling body parts. We became so passionate that we would have made love right there if it had not been a sort of public place.

Then I noticed white patches in her hand. When I looked into, I found more white patches on her body. My all love and passion were gone in another instant. I could not understand this shifting nature of love and desire. I was not loving and liking her, it must be someone else who loved at one instant and started hating her another moment. Was it design or destiny or karma or simple mechanism of instinct and natural forces? If I loved at one moment, how could hate at another moment?

It was summer vacation, I was in the hostel of college and gone to home. There was one married cousin of mine, who had come to say with my mother and auntie at hour home. One weekend mother and auntie went to a religious place for two days. They left the cousin to cook and take care of me. She was elderly and very ordinary woman. They considered it safe to leave me in her care. She was called Garima.

It was peak of summer and heat was at its extreme. The outside heat and inside heat of sexual passion inside me got mixed which resulted into red patches all over my body. When Garmia saw it, she suggested it could be cured with massage of vermillion mixed with mustard oil. She offered to massage my body with it. She was married and was awaiting the arrival of her husband who was working in western part of the country. He would come and take her to their native place.

She was massaging my body with mustard oil mixed with vermilion. I was in shorts and vest. She was in saree and low cut blouse. I was half reclined on bed and she was rubbing the oil. When she started massaging the legs and thigh, I could not fail to notice her tits showing its roundness. I got excited and my pogo swelled under the shorts threatening to come out from it. She stopped while gazing at my crotches. She was blushing as well.

She was very ordinary, but why did I get attracted knowing it to be immoral act of incest? For that matter why she was fascinated with my pogo even if she was married? Was it so because she was temporarily separated from her husband? Is will stronger than desire or otherwise or will power gets swayed by desire?

Whatever be, when night came, all taboos, all limitations, chastity and morality was rendered irrelevant. She used to sleep in mothers room. As mother was not to come back for two days, I decided to sleep in her place. I told her the room I was sleeping was hot as there was no proper ventilation. She was sleeping on a cot separated from master bed.

It was very hot and humid. The inner seemed to have got mixed with outside. I was restless and seeing her laying across another bed. The distance between the two beds was hardly more than few inches. While rolling over the bed in restless, I touched her hand. And she did not remove it. I started placing my hand all over the body. Then she pulled me to her bed. I unbuttoned her blouse and taking hold of her tits started sucking her nipples. She cried with pleasure. Then she and I were bathing in moonlight.

It happened despite not desiring it. I could not have desired her in the reality of daylight. She was my cousin and it would have been incest. Moreover, she was very ordinary looking. But the darkness of night and passion acted as level playing field for desire that desired itself despite of my rebellion.

But if desire itself desired it despite of me, then why there was guilt in morning? If it was automotive, then guilt should not have been there. Why could not I meet her eyes in daylight when our bodies had become one in the darkness?

Sometimes later I visited her native place. It was summer time so we were sleeping on roof in open. Under the moonlit night with cool breeze blowing, it was heavenly. When everybody was asleep, one milky white shadow was seen coming. It stopped near my bed. Then it lay beside. I looked at it and found She was Garima’s cousin. Her name was Shashi.

Shashi! Shashi means moon and she was beautiful and shining like moon. Fair complexion, beautiful face, brown eyes sparkling amidst brown hair. The bust was like that of statues of Ajanta and Allora, alluring and tempting. She came silently and just slipped beside me. And nothing happened. The night remained the night of nothingness. I was wondering if beauty is desirable, why I could not make love with her. It did not click that night.

And then in university something weird like it happened. I was in hostel. One outside girl, Shyama developed liking for me. Or she fell in love with me. Or she was out to net me into marriage, I was not sure. She was not beautiful but attractive having good physique. I made her understand in beginning that neither I love her nor intend to marry her. It was one night stand that stretched too many days. As girls were not allowed during night in boys’ hostel, she used to come in afternoon.

I neither liked her nor disliked her. It was bodily need that was basis of our relationship. But she was fascinated with me, she would come and sleep with me. Whenever she did not come, I would not miss her. When she would come, it would be just a routine affair. It was simply bodily urge to fulfill its cravings.

One day while we were making love, Shyama informed that she was pregnant. How could it be when I was using condom. She must be having relations with other and his child she was proclaiming mine. But she insisted and started pressurizing for marriage. I dismounted from her as I was inside her making love. And said very bluntly, ‘Get lost and never ever come to visit or have any relations with me’.

It was end of the one night stand stretching to the many nights like days.

Then there was another girl, Nina. She was our batch mate. Average girl with good height and sturdy village type body, she had beautiful eyes. She used to be always after me. I used to consider her batch mate and friend only. She kept on pestering me for marriage. She would ask about family and where would settle after marriage.

“Babe I’m not going to marry anyone’. I used to say. I would remain bachelor as marriage appeared then as bondage. ‘Every guy thinks in beginning that they won’t marry, but they end up marrying,’ she would hit me with this argument. She would always try to be in my company. My friend used to say she needed sex. When she was in college, she used to have regular boyfriend who used to sleep with her. After breakup, she was not having any regular boyfriend. Hence she was itching for sex. That is what my friends used to say about her.

Then one day I decided to fulfill her desire. For many days she had been pestering me to see my room. I offered her to come to my room. She readily agreed. No sooner than she reached my room and we settled for some talks, she started undressing. First jeans, tee, then undergarments and she did it with professional finesse of a whore. But when I saw her love nest, my love bird flied away to the distant land. I got disgusted and was unable to make love.

What was that? I could not understand. Even now I am unable to decode it. But Nina had decoded even then. She proved hell hath no fury like woman spurned. She made my life hell in university. She made it point that no girl liked me. She spoiled many budding love relations and later on even very prospect of it.

I am also to be blamed; I did not try hard to get any girl’s love. In fact, I used to get away from them unconsciously. First I would attract them or they would attract me. Then I would not do the follow up. There were so many things to be done, I just did not want find time. Or I unconsciously tried to get myself busy so that I could not find time.

And the plot would be lost and the story would not develop.

In university nothing substantial and fruitful happened on love and sex front. Except with Janet, that too could not reach the climax, despite nearing around it. But it certainly did slide down to the anti-climax.

Before coming to Janet, it would be interesting to you readers, my list of ‘should have been or missed babes’. One such babe was Madhuri. She was very happening type of girl. She used to be always in mood of having fun and frolics. She could be seen either going to party or coming from party, film, restaurant and other hangouts. She would go on date with one or other guy. Then she would treat me and share as to what happened. I didn’t know it was for invoking jealously in me or just friendly feeling, she like me very much. I would have made love with her.

She was very smart. She could be called street smart. She would hang around with me but would go on date with different guys. She had a very dedicated lover-an IITian who wanted to marry her. They were childhood friends. But she was not interested in marrying him. He was short statured whereas she used to like tall guys.

Her street smartness came to fore when we were in last semester. In an informal farewell gathering, we were discussing our future plans. Most of the girls were going to settle and get married. Madhuri commented: now a day’s guy don’t know how to propose. They shy like girls. It seems girls would have to take initiative.

Other girl, Protima seconded Madhuri very strongly. I did not know then as to why she did it until one day before leaving university and hostel for good, she asked my future plan. I said only future plan that I had was having no plan. ‘If you agreed, I can stay for you for one year’. ‘ But first let me settle and get some job, then I would call you, I replied. She knew it was alibi. Despite it, she said, ‘ I will wait for you’.

Later on, I came to know she was daughter of famous politician. She used to give hint of her being rich and powerful. But I did not care. For me she remained just a friend, even if knowing that she loved me. She used to take care of me and always defend me. She did not bother me.

But there was one girl: Anvita who bothered me for quite a long time. I used to love her and she left for abroad in similar situation. And I could not tell her I loved her. She was very much fascinated with me and I was also very much enamored of her. It was a sort of platonic love. We used to attend classes and sit together.

It happened so that one young assistant professor also fell in love with her. She was so beautiful and elegant that any one could fall for her. Now this professor was very jealous of me, he would try to degrade me before her, I used to hit his overloaded misdemeanor with hard hitting replies.

But at last she was to leave for US as she was to be married to an Indian American. Before going there she also asked my plan. But I had no plan that was the problem. I missed the chartered plane that flew to US.

Then one lady professor caught my attention. She was divorcee or deserted by live in partner, not sure. She used to teach a boring subject but that was compulsory. So I had to suffer the boredom. During lecture I used to stare at her. She thought I had letch on her. She started responding back. I got rather pepped up. In this excitement I visited her residence without any purpose. But that was the purpose and she got the purpose when I had uncontrollable hard stand after seeing her in see through white nightgown.

She noticed my hard on and thought I would take initiative. But I presumed she would blow the whistle. Only then I could proceed. Meanwhile substantial time elapsed and our passion cooled down.

I took part time job. During that period I met three girls: Janet, Swati and Shyamala. And the relationship with all of them proved to be hit and miss. They did not come in my life in that order, but common thread running was the near hit and miss love scene.

First was Janet. An American girl: tall, beautiful face with olive green eyes, blonde honcho. She accidently met in boulevard. I was loitering around. Then I sat down on nearby bench. It was then Janet was seen coming Westend shop side: tall, blonde hair half covering her oval shaped face, broad-shouldered closing on shapely breasts. Long legs in rugged jeans and Indian kurti type short tops. I was just struck with admiration and fascination for her.

When she noticed me staring like moonstruck guy, she asked me: ‘is there any coffee shop around .. I feel like having coffee’.

‘Yes just nearby. Come along with me.. I am also going to have coffee’, I said

We went to Coffee Home. Over cups of coffee I came to know that she was staying at railway station as she was running short of money. She had come here to get her visa renewed. She was putting up at Manali with Indian boyfriend. She had to extend her visa. But the process dragged on and she ran short of money. She shifted from hotel to the waiting room of Railway station.

I offered her to shift to my place. ‘But why are you helping me? For money? That I cannot give you…. Or for sex that I also cannot oblige.’ She said rather bluntly.

‘I don’t want money or sex ..only help you as human being.. for help sake…”

She was not convinced. She fell silent. We were sitting in the lawn of Jantar Mantar. She was lost in sorting out her confusion of whether to trust me or not. Then she fetched out a pack of tarot cards out of her purse. After shuffling the cards, she asked me to pick one card at random. I chose one card with sign of Gemini twins. Then she again shuffled the card asking me to choose one. This time I picked the card with picture of moon printed on it.

‘Yes, she said, I could trust you’, Janet said.

She moved with me. I took her to campus to have lunch. After having typical Indian lunch that she liked very much, we went for stroll on Ridge and hillocks located within campus. We sat on a hanging rock. She was looking very beautiful amidst green and grey background of tree and rocks. I kissed her and she allowed it. And then she kissed back after getting serial kissing from me.

Janet started sharing her life trials and travails. Her first love and subsequent fling with a dozen guys and break ups with them took much of our time. When shadows of evening started falling she remembered her luggage was lying in cloak room of railway station. We took a bus to the station.

By the time we reached our room, it was late night. We had our dinner en route to our room. Janet started to undress for sleeping. When she was only in panty and brazier I got huge erection. She had such toned and well shaped body I could not resist myself from kissing her crotch and bust. She noticed my erection and she held and kissed it saying, it’s nice. I asked her to tongue it but she refused.

Then she pushed me abruptly,’ please help yourself and then go to sleep on your bed. I started frigging myself and she entered her sleeping bag and went for sleep. She might be too tired, I tried to reason it out. But I was unable to understand that first she kissed my dick and praised it,’oh its lovely’ . Then she baulked.

In wee hour of the night, I woke up by Janet crying and shivering with cold, ‘oh God I’m dying it’s so cold’. She was shivering. I entered her sleeping bag. She was naked. I started pressing my body against her. She held me tightly. I started warming her with both hands. When I tried to warm up her mount of Venice, she started crying. I asked what happened. She said she is missing her boyfriend. Then I was unable to force the entry.

She stayed for a week with me. She would cook, do the washing and cleaning. She used to say she was paying back for the food and rent of the room. She did not want any obligation justifying her denial of love making to me. She never allowed beyond hugging and kissing. I should have forced her but that would be rape. And rape with an American national would have been big scandal.

It left a big scar on my ego. But before leaving for her home, she soothed me when she said;’ you know I wanted to marry you … you are so nice wanted to settle with you … but when you ordered like overlord then I decided against it’

‘When I did so’, I was unable to remember

‘That day in Cafteria … you said bring that cup…..no please no request…’ She paused for a moment. Then she said,’ you are nice guy. You would get nice girl’.

We parted our ways with heavy heart. She gifted me Bible and I reciprocated with handing over hardbound copy of Gita. Incidentally that was Christmas Day.

There are many near hit and miss plots and sub plots within the story. One such is Maria. A tall, smart girl with whitish skin, she had attractive bust artistically tucked on narrow waist. We were in journalism institute doing our masters. She always wanted to keep in company with me and our group. She was jolly good type of girl. We used to roam around the campus and making film, documentary and editing in house journal together.

The things got rolled to year end and nothing happened. Then there came farewell party and our time to part our ways and plunge into real life. There was to be a whole night party with booze, music and dance. It appeared something would certainly happen on the last night if nothing happened during our session. It was our last night at campus and would not go waste.

The night started with a bang. Booze and more booze followed. Music and loud music were being played out. Dance and all sort of close, body to body and dirty dancing. Break for dinner and then break dance breaking all barriers. I closed on Maria and we cozened up. During body to body dance, I lifted her up while putting my tongue into her mouth. I felt as if we would make love right on dance floor.

I escorted her to my room. We both undressed each other in frenzy so drunk we both were. We plunged into bed naked and were about enter the mount of Venice that intoxication got better part of us. We slept whole night in that position.

When morning knocked at us, we started finishing the half story. But it could not happen as Maria parents had come to pick her up for home.

Shyamala’s and Swati’s are sub plots of failed love story of the ghost writer that is me. The duos are saga of sexual blackmail and dashing of expectations. Shyamal was fellow journalist. We used to attend press conferences, media briefings and the parties. After preliminary kissing and hugging, she got serious and started talking about marriage. But at that time I had decided not to get married. I wanted to be single and bachelor.

It was new year days and. After partying and a guzzling booze, we went to room. After undressing and foreplay, when tried to make entry, it was made conditional. Entry to the carnal heaven was conditional to marriage. I denied and she denied entry. It was end of affair.

Then there was a girl, Swati. She was also fellow journalist and colleague at a media house. She very smart, jolly by nature, and a sexy girl. She was always looking for some or other fun. She had made work fun like. We were friends and at the same time used to exhibit more than friendly vibes, it was love covered with friendly cobweb. It was classic case of who would first speak the unspeakable. First she would do it or I would propose things kept on lingering.

It seemed to me as if she were flirting me so I was also doing the same. But sometimes she appeared serious. One day she asked me to teach her how to drive a bike. I taught her for one day or two, then she left it. Other day, I told her , ‘I love you’. But she did not take it seriously.

‘This is very strange way of proposing..en route, on dirty sub lane in open’. She said.

One day I asked her permission to kiss her. She declared me stupid and crazy in same breath. As if she were saying: is this matter of asking or doing, she must have thought and she never allowed to be kissed. There were a lot of jovial tug of war, but she did not relent.

Then all of sudden one day she requested me to teach her sub-editing. I started teaching her and she learnt it. After that she requested me to show her my hostel room. From hindsight it appeared that she must have wanted me to give me chance to show my love. I readily agreed and escorted her to my room. But I failed her and did not do anything, neither proposed, nor kissed her and tried to make love. I postponed it for another encounter but it never came.

After that she stopped even talking to me. I could not understand her sudden change. I came to know it much later. Even if one of her suitors asked why she was not on speaking terms with me after being so friendly with me. I could not give any satisfactory reply. Then he commented: ‘ You must have done some naughty thing that is why she is angry with you’.

But he did not know that I did not do anything. That was why she was angry with me. But she made another attempt and struck a friendship with a software tycoon, who was called father of software industry of India. They became friendly, dated and were about to marry. But that guy died of heart attack in very young age.

There are many more hit and miss love encounters that the ghostwriter had. I would not bore readers further. But before concluding, three encounters are worth mentioning.

I still remember it was grand dinner party thrown by a foreign embassy to celebrate the foundation of Republic. The country PM. Ministers, politicians, officials, diplomats, socialites, journalists and other dignitaries were invited. We also managed to get invitation. We were thankful for this to senior journalist Varshaneyji. He was expert in procuring invitation for such events. We did not know which journal or paper or magazine he represented. We only knew he was a journalist who had information about cocktail, booze party or press conference where wine and beer would be available.

The party had started with opening of cocktail. The soft instrumental music was adding to the celebratory mood. We all journalist were having all types of wine and beer. Usual cocktails talks and laughter was adding to glamour of the party. Then there entered a tall blonde Ukrainian girl. Everyone attention was riveted to her. What was the USP of this attraction was her net off-whites skirt showing all her vitals. What was more sexy was that she was having no undergarments. It put whole party on fire.

Varshneyji asked me to bring her into our group network. I have been beauty catcher from very beginning, some come by default, other plotted in my net. It did not matter as none stayed for long. Once, a fellow journalist had cast a doubt on this ability during a fashion show, putting up a challenge for me. An IT company had organized a fashion show and had invited us. Sushmita Sen, Miss Universe was taking part in show as chief guest. The doubting journalist put bait if I could bring Sushimta in my network.

He was not aware that I had met Sushmita Sen when she was not declared Miss universe. She was in Delhi and used to come to jogging in the university campus. Once I tailed her after being fascinated by her beauty. After overtaking her, I talked to her. This event I used to bring her to our group. She stayed with us few minutes and had formal chat with us. That was enough.

But for Ukrainian girl I had not to make much effort as elderly people had virtually mobbed her. Some were staring; others were behaving as if they would pile on right on her. She was feeling suffocated. When she noticed me coming towards her, she broke free from them. Before I could take any initiative, she requested me to arrange Bloody Marie for her. I arranged the lady wine for her and she joined our circle.

And our circle became centre of attraction of the party. The gala party had formally begun with arrival of PM, followed by the leader of opposition, ministers, ambassadors and other dignitaries. Unaware of such parade of high profile dignitaries I was glued to her slender body which beauty was dangling from all visible net skirt.

Particularly, she had such shapely breast with pink nipple showing from one piece dress that was making me mad with passion. Her long legs were so silky smooth and cylindrical that I felt like putting my mouth there. I got very hard stand and thinking how to take her to my room.

Meanwhile she caught attention of PM. He showed his earnest desire to meet her. His cavalcade encircled us, he halted greeting her and she accompanied the PM. It appeared she had come to the party just to act an escort of high profile dignitaries.

And then there was a cute and beautiful girl in university. Her name was Sagun. She used to walk and carry herself in such graceful manner that one but could not fail attract towards her. She used to bump with me daily in the library and corridor and would always say, sorry giving naughty and inviting smile. But I could not go beyond saying ‘ok.’ I could not decode her act. By the time I decoded and tried to act on that, she had left the university.

Part II

Let us first pick the thread of story line of the lost writer, Bonita. He has been lost like Narcissus who fell in love with his own characters: Sid and Anu. Anu wants to be male and Sid to change his gender to female. Both want to change their respective gender. Or after enjoying every aspect of their respective genders, they want to enjoy the other gender. Or there might have been some lack in their personality and life that they want to compensate. It is sort of empowerment of their respective beings.

Bonita, the writer seems to have fallen in love with these two characters of his own novel. I am the ghost writer who is taking forward the story that has got astray. He himself wants to become woman. He is so fascinated with characters that he could not write further. As he has taken advance from the publisher, the latter wants to complete manuscript by the year end.

The writer contacted me, offering me half of the money in advance. We were in same profession and I was running short of money, so I decided to become the ghost writer of this novel.

The readers must have remembered I started telling my story of failed love as the writer has been stuck up at the home of gay couple. The gay couple was sleeping after the all night party in which they had won the lottery of breaking the virginity of the writer.

They were fast asleep but the writer could not sleep. Bobita was too excited to sleep. He was feeling like a virgin whose virginity was about to be broken. Now the virginity seems to have undergone capital change from earlier time. From earlier being the prize possession to be given to the most able and suitable when married, virginity has become free for all.

Now virginity, at least for chick and niche classes has become a sort of taboo. It has become laughable and jeering stock to be traded at the most opportune time. But for some, it still holds a fascination. It is an experience as hilarious and adventurous a exploring the virgin land or forest.

In the gay party when Bonita announced his virginity, there ran a current of excitement. He was the only virgin in the party. He had married twice and divorced. But bisexually he was virgin. He wanted to explore female sexuality in his male body. In other sense he was a girl and virgin.

The gay couple-Rupal and Rupali has won the contest played for initiating Bonita in bisexuality. The contest has been in respect of as to how efficiently they could play reverse role of boy and girl. Rupal is handsome guy in late 20s –muscular, tall, with good assets. His assets compete with black stud. In the contest he has been pitted against a Nigerian stud. Both shows their assets and invest into different venture to measure their stamina to stay longer.

All the participants have been wow struck. Everyone is supposed to take their share of pleasure for the assets of duo . And these two to hold it and who outstays unspent other would be winner. There has been comparative competence to reek in carnal pleasure. Even Bonita could not resist. Rupal wins the contest and he is to break the virginity of the writer.

***

Rupali is the female partner of Rupal. He just looks like voluptuous woman. He has cleaned and removed his body hairs; he has perfect figure like that of attractive woman. He always wears lady dress and cross dressing is his fetish. It is Rupali who has taken the task of decorating Bonita. He is being decorated like bride being dressed on Suhag Raat( wedding night).

Rupal has gone to night club where he works as boxer. He has requested Rupali to make him suitable for initiation in the bisexuality. After hours of hard work, Rupali has managed to transform Bonita into virtual woman. His body hair has been removed and a lady wig which belonged to Rupali has been fitted. Initially Bobita hesitated in putting on panties and cup sized bra, but after some persuasion he accepted it. When he was shown a mirror, he could not decide whether he was she or he!

One more ritual he has to undergo. It has been a bit painful in beginning, but became enjoyable later on. Rupal has put vibrator in his bum to make easier for Rupal to initiate him into new sexuality. He has started getting the feel of penetration. Rupali is also giving the feel of lesbian and same sex tango. After waxing his body, Rupal begins kissing all over his body. She gives front to front like men and back to back like woman. Oh you are mix of both, Rupal could not fail to commend his versatile sexuality.

Rupal does not miss to feel his dick, frigging and eating it like candy. Then she rubs her parts with his asset in nutshell, before Rupal could break his gay virginity, Rupali does that of lesbian. Bonita is floating in aromatic passion of newly found bisexuality. Soft and supple is womanhood accepting life as it is but also shaping it with dexterity. And softness…come love me … in turn I would love you….he is becoming like Rupali and Rupal…they are entering his being … he would rule the world with love… he would be at the top of world…..love and being loved at the same time.... Rupal has desired him…. Rupali is passionate about his felinity in male body… he would pay them back in the same coin of love… they have got bound and entangled with him…

Desire for women bounds man to her and he loves his bondage, he becomes slave and master of passion at the same time. And love transcends or blurs the line between master and slave.

Around 3 o clock in the morning, Rupal comes from night club. From club he has ordered to decorate his flat and bedroom. It resembles the floral bed of first wedding night.

Rupal has brought forth beer, wines and one bottle of Champaign he has mugged from the night club where he works . Pizza, burger and KFC Chicken are for late night dinner. Rupali is also decorated to the hilt in macro skirt and red brazier. Legs waxed and hair done. She is in balck and red while Bonita is in pink tops and maroon skirt.

All three- Rupal, Rupali and Bonita sit in the drawing room. Rupal makes Bonita sit on right side and Rupali on left side. He starts the party with uncorking of Champaign. Then dance starts. Bonita fels a bit hesitant in matching Rupal and Rupali break dance. After dancing solo, Rupal comes behind Bonita grabbing him in his arms. He puts his thong perpendicular to Bonita bum and starts moving up and down. Rupal takes position in front unzipping Bonita skirt and holding his dick.

Rupal starts pushing from behind and he put his tongue into Bonita mouth form behind pulling his face toward him. Unzipping his jeans he took out his dick and put into the tip of his bum hole. Rupal from behind and Rupali mouthing his dick from front….. the game lasted till afternoon.

Bonita returns to his home next day. Few days go by in the reveries of the night spent with Rupal and Rupali. Everything has changed in his life. First time he feels the pleasure of penetration still vibrating inside his being. He feels as if he is in abode of permanent penetration. He feels like woman may have been feeling. He keeps on wearing cross gender dress.

What is more gratifying that he feels himself to have been transformed into a receptive being? Everything seems to be acceptable to him. He feels as if life has penetrated him fathering new being who would accept everything. He keeps on wearing lady undergarments under men’s wear. He continues to fantasize Rupal and frig his woman self. A desire getting more and more of penetration takes possession of his being.

He starts feeling insatiable cravings for penetration. It seems as if he were horny woman. Even frigging is unable to satisfy him. He does shopping for vibrator and didlo. Few days go by using these toys to satisfy the unquenchable thrust for penetration.

Bobita does not realize his deep urge of being loved and having multiple partners. Maddened by his newly found sexuality he just gets crazy. One night vibrator and frigging could not satiate his passion, he just wants real thing. Without any consideration he barges into the night club where Rupal is working as boxer.

Rupal first refuses to recognize him. Bobita thinks it might be out of shame or hesitation. ‘ No man it has been one night stand’ Rupal says bluntly. ‘But I love you, Bobita replies rather brazenly.

‘Rubbish…’ Rupal grins and gets busy in his work.

Bur Bobita does not leave Rupal’s night club . He waits for him in the lobby. When Rupal calls of his duty at 3 o clock in morning, he follows him .

‘Please make love with me, Bobita implores to Rupal.

‘Just leave me alone… I love Rupali. We are in love relations. With you it was one night stand. That’s all…finished’.

But Bobita follows him to the car parking. While Rupal is unlocking the car, he grabs him from behind, forcing Rupal to make love with him. They have nice session in the car.

Next day, Bobita visits Rupal’s Night club again. Rupal gets very irritated at seeing him in his work place. He becomes angry and humiliates Bobita. He spurns his love overtures. He starts feeling like spurned beloved.

Bobita returns home feeling very angry and dejected. He knows he is not young and dashing like Rupali. Everybody wants young beloved or lover. But he is not young because he is old. He gets depressed

Few days go by in the depression. He tries to revive his writing career. But he could not write. He tries to write a novel on his predicament. But he could not go beyond few lines. Then he tries to regain his lost gender. But it also turns out to be very tepid affair. He does not feel excitement and passion for the opposite sex. He wants to be his own opposite sex, therein finding excitement.

But why should he feel dejected when one lover has rejected. There are many: if not you or him, there are others as well. There could be many not one. There could be multiple partners. He would find it, he would try, Bobita decides. And he resolves to do it.

Bobita starts frequenting public places and other hook up joints.

Day 1: Public transport: Metro: Hopping form one train to another. Going nowhere in particular, but wandering everywhere. Unable to find any suitable lover. Two three hit and miss cases.

Day 2: Same as day one. But he spends half time on metro stations scouting for potential lover. Even if he is able to find some guys but response not good.

Day 3: While going from CP to South Extension, he finds a guy. He comes and sits beside his seat. A handsome guy: young and healthy. Fair and good body supported by strong legs. He is viewing him with a woman’s eyes! Bobita but could not fail to notice this change in his outlook.

Bobita feigns sleep and puts his left hand on the guy’s crotch. He removes his hand. The boy is tired and dull. He thinks Uncle has put his hand accidently. Soon he starts getting uncomfortable. He gently pushes the Bobita hand from his crotch which has swollen which is easily visible. The lost writer opens his eyes, and tries to involve the lad in some sorts of talks.

The boy does not respond to his overtures as Bobita has expected. Then he starts praising his being handsome and sturdy. The boy is not amused.

Bobita proposes rather prematurely, ‘will you like to be my friend, he says touching his swollen crotch.

‘Get lost you …, the boy yells at him abusing him virulently.

Day 4: Garden known as lovers paradise: cloudy weather. Cool breeze blowing. Bobita is sweating in desperation to get his lover. Then he notices a painter drawing a sketch in the farthest corner of the garden.

Bobita goes near him and sits beside him. The painter glances a casual look then continues his sketch.

‘Very nice sketch, Bobita said stealing a look on the drawing,

‘Thanks, the painter responds without any emotion.

‘You are very cute and sexy’

‘Just go way…don’t disturb me, the painter rebuffs Bobita at very outset.

Day 5: Another Garden of Eve: Favorite place for pick up and getting picked up. Popular hook up place. And one night stand. A black guy catches Bobita attention. He tries to be friendly with him. He responds positively and they become acquainted.

His name is Sam. He belongs to Nigeria. He is studying in the university. Next day, Bobita invites him for tea at his home. He shows up half an hour late. This gives rise to unprecedented tension to Bobita who has been waiting like desperate beloved. When he finally arrives, Bobita could not help from embracing like long desperate beloved. He feels hardness and suppleness of his body getting a sort of excitement followed by guilt and shame.

After formalities of tea and snacks, Bobita comes straight to the point. ‘ I’ve heard you guys having big thing…’

‘What.. I did not get you, Sam is puzzled.

‘ I mean this, Bobita said placing his hand on Sam’s thong.

‘it’s big, commented Bobita after feeling it from outside. It swells. He starts unzipping it.

‘What you are doing man, he objects. But he unzips it and there comes big hardstand. Bobita is just marveling at it. He starts playing with it. But Sam gets scared. ‘Oh you are homo but I’m straight. He zips his thing and leaves Bobita.

Bobita’s passion is on its height. He wants to satiate himself. He calls a massage and escort parlor providing company for male prostitute. ‘Girl or boy you want, the agency operator asks with professional acumen. ‘I want boy, Bobita replies. ‘So You are girl.

Bobita body urge is satisfied. In a week he avails the service of the male prostitute twice. But his woman being is craving for home life and the life of housewife. He wants to submit and surrender himself completely to his lover, settling in domestic life. He has surrendered to the life leaving everything to it like a woman. He wants to feel like a woman who surrenders herself to nature taking everything as they come in her life. Let love for all enter the body though penetration. It is immense pleasure in the form of pain.

Bobita leaves himself completely to life and its vagaries. He would wait for the things to take their own shape and course.

One day while going through classified ad section of newspaper and rental site, the idea of keeping paying guest strikes him. Why not keep paying guest, who knows some might prove to be his partner.

Paying Guest 1: A 20 year college boy. He is from provinces. Average height, plump body and fair complexion. Brown eyes and light hair. Simple guy but handsome.

This boy has come in response to the advertisement given in newspaper and posted on web site. His name is Sohan. He belongs to northern state of the country. He belongs to traders’ family dealing in readymade garments.

Sohan has come to the metropolitan city to pursue higher studies. There has been a protest in the family, not wanting to send their son to the city. The miser traders family thinks its waste of time and money. But seeing Sohan resolve to pursue higher studies, they have relented.

Bobita falls in love with him, an ideal lover he will be. The woman inside Bobita has fallen for him at first sight. He tries to hug him and kiss him. Sohan objects. He requests him to be his lover. He tries to feel his crotch. Sohan starts crying. ‘ I am god fearing belonging to traditional family… I am straight.’

Bobita besotted mind draws more kick from rejection. He thinks it is quite natural and one day he would relent. He persists in his effort to woo him. His love for Sohan becomes desperate day by day. Bobita managed to get some kisses and fiddling but beyond it, he is unable to make any progress. Sohan religiosity and belonging traditional family is big hurdle. He does not allow beyond kissing and hugging.

Bobita wants to feel his hardstand and sit over it, getting the penetration pleasure of love. But Sohan always says big no. it has become a routine. He is stopped mid-way. It leaves him high and dry. And he has to frig himself to ease his tension.

Then Bobita devises a devious plot to trap Sohan in his love game. Everything is fair in love and war. So it would not be considered devilish and conspiring even if it fails to click in the initial stage. He hires a smart maid with broadminded aptitude.

Her name is Rosie. He buys sexy dresses for her to wear at home-macro skirt, with high transparent and low neck tops. “You will be always in these dresses and take care of my guest’, Bobita instructs Rosie while handing her two pairs of sexy dresses.

Rosie takes care of Bobita’s house. She pays special attention to Sohan. The young boy falls prey to her charm and sex appeal. One day Bobita overhears Soahn inviting Rosie to come to her room at the fall of night. Both have been cozying together necking and kissing. Bobita wants to catch them red handed in the act but awaits the night trap.

Night falls. Dinner is served. Bobita watches their body language of the cupid. He gets jealous of Rosie. She is lucky that Sohan has fallen for her. But he would not allow their intimacy to go beyond certain point.

Rosie goes to Sohan room. He shuts the door. Bobita comes out form his bed room and starts spying form keyhole of the door. They are lip locked. Sohan is kissing and putting his tongue into Rosie mouth. Then she repeats the ramming and the tongue into his mouth. Now both start undressing each other. She is completely naked. Sohan tears down his vest.

When Sohan is about to enter into Rosie, Bobita knocks the door violently. ’Rosie.. Rosie where are you.. I need…

No response. But they disentangle and start dressing. But Bobita gets uncontrollable erection after seeing his tools and assets.

“What you are doing in closed room… come out you son of bitch and shameless bitch’.

They open the door trembling with fear and shame.

‘Rosie you are fired and Sohan I would talks to tomorrow. Bobita delivers premeditated instant justice.

Rosie is fired unceremoniously the day after. Anticipating the ire of his landlord and host, the paying guest, Sohan surrenders himself. ’Please do anything…. give any punishment but don’t chuck me out…’

Bobita gives the punishment. But since love could not be bracketed under punishment, it is love only. He asks Sohan to make love with him imagining as if he were Rosie. He dresses like Rosie asking Sohan to undress him and make love with him.

Bobita enjoys live-in-relation with Sohan for quite some time. The life has become happy and wholesome. It has meaning and purpose. Time flows smoothly. He has become she without changing the gender. He has become woman partner of Sohan.

He cooks and serves Sohan like good wife. First time he realizes what a great and sublime thing is to be woman even if it is at spiritual level not physical. You have to surrender to life and life partner. His happiness is yours happiness, his ecstasy is yours. It becomes difficult to decide whether life is love and happiness or love and happiness is life. It is real union of being with being and then with life.

He has completely surrendered to Sohan. His gender desire of desiring a woman has become dormant like woman. If a man desires the desired woman, he is bound by this desire of her. He becomes slave of the woman he desires to fall in love with her, while woman remains free. In addition man wants to possess while woman surrenders thereby remaining free. When one surrenders to God, life and woman, he becomes free in all respect. They take care of the all the exigencies of life.

Woman remains free as she is desired and she only surrenders. She is free to give in or withhold the love. She can be loving and she can be cruel in withholding love or reciprocating. She is queen and the man is her slave. If man also surrenders completely rather possessing her, he also remains free as his slavery to her is freedom.

The woman inside Bobita once desired by Sohan becomes master. If he makes it ok, if not even then it’s well and good. Bobita or woman inside him knows Sohan would come to her like moth to flame.

A great change has taken place inside he/her. She/he feels like ocean. Calm and cool. If wind of passion blows, she/he responds like ocean trying to meet moon on full moon night. If she anchors its sail or set to sail, she welcomes with open hands. There is dormant passion. It is undercurrent and waiting to be tapped. If Sohan pokes it, she would burst like volley of fire from light machine gun.

Bobita and Sohan become ideal live in partner in same sex circle. They are invited to all parties and get together. They go to all protest rallies, sit in and dharana for legalizing same sex marriage. In one of such protest rallies, they meet Kaami-a teenage boy girl. Bobita falls for him and that teenage sensation in the circle of same sex world of the area become fascinated with Sohan. A love triangle develops among them.

Bobita falls in love with Kaami and Kaami is deep in love with Sohan madly. And Sohan is enamored of both Kaami and Bobita. At first, Bobita feels very jealous of Kaami. He is loving my lover, woman inside him becomes very jealous. Things get leveled up when he himself starts loving Kaami as lover and Sohan as beloved. This compensate it and all three start making love triad, what they call threesome.

Later on, Bobita invites Kaami to stay with them. Thus the carnal bliss is available for them all the time. The triad is happy, despite some tension, some brief strand of jealousy and mutual suspicion. But the same sex love is transcending force. They would fight some time. But the fight would follow by more love and sex session.

Everything is great and things are cool. Life for the triad is happy and happening. Then comes the pandemic Covid 19. Everything turns topsy-turvy. When life and living becomes difficult, problematic and upturned, how could the triad be immune from it?

Sohan is called back to his native place. Kaami too leaves for his place which is in the western part of the country. Suddenly life turns solitary and lonely. One cannot go outside as there is complete lockdown in place. One has to remain within the four wall of home. Human relations turn out to be suspicious and scary. You don’t know who may carrying virus that may infect you.

Virus is in air and even breathing becomes suspect. The outside and inside is full of toxicity and fear of virus. Fear, fear: everywhere though not visible anywhere. The fear of death and desolation writ is running at large.

Bobita feels as if everyone has deserted him, leaving him alone in the world. Even Mother Nature seems to have left him in wilderness of loneliness and solitary existence. Even maid and help have deserted.

24x7 curfews are in force. One is allowed only to go outside for fetching essentials for one or two hour in the morning and the evening. Even then, one has to maintain all sorts of distancing and discouraged to interact with each other.

Everyone seems to have become suspicious of others. Even customary greetings and interactions have become scarce. The personal interaction has become few and far between. The suspicion of carrying virus and infecting is taking toll of social and personal life.

The woman inside Bobita feels horrid and defenseless. The male part has been bumped long back. It is said one is man and woman due to excess of man or woman element, notwithstanding the physical differences.

A woman defends by attacking and attacks by surrendering in strange way, exception notwithstanding. How could woman inside Bobita attack and whom. The enemy is known but invisible and insentient. It permeates everywhere and invisible like wind. One could only feel it.

Virus is attacking. The solitary and desolate life is attacking. The whole existence seems to have gone against her/him. How could he that has become she could defend? The woman spirit has taken preponderance over male that is wired to fight or flight mode. She could not go back to that mode. She is woman and she would fight and fight, no flight.

Meanwhile few days go by in reveries of Sohan, Kaami and Rupal-Rupali. He used to wonder as to what they might be doing. Are they also missing him as he is missing them? He makes few calls to Sohan and Kaami. Rupal and Rupali he tries to contact but they could not be contacted. They seem to have blocked him.

Daily video call to Sohan is the only hope in such a hopeless situation. He is used to satiate his bodily need virtually. But there crops up some problem as well. Once he invites Sohan for virtual love making but he is unable to oblige. Sohan is living in joint family and he could not find privacy to oblige Bobita.

Other day too Bobita insist on virtual session of love making. Sohan refuses. He persists in his proposal like stubborn lover. Sohan shows his inability. Bobita gets very angry. He snaps the cell phone line: ’I won’t call you ever’.

There is eerie silence and quivering loneliness spread across the world. The country is in the complete lock down. The pandemic is at its peak. People are dying like cats and dogs. Rest is living in fear and anxiety. Death and oblivion is rending the air.

Human beings seem to have reverted to the primitive age. People are holed up in isolation of home. The danger, the fear of unknown and death is on prowl everywhere.

A pall of quivering silence has descended on the earth. Shops have been shut and malls and arcades have been closed down. Squares and boulevards are deserted. The recreation and entertainment activities have been suspended. Airlines shut, operation of railways and trains suspended and roads barricaded. The global village has shrunk to isolated island.

Parks and gardens are silent and deserted. Even birds have forgone their chirping and singing. Flowers and trees seem to have become lifeless. Pet dogs and street dogs appear to be in panic.

Society is network of relations among the families and individuals. But these relationship links have been snapped. The relationships have been put in suspended animation. So the society seems to have come to the screeching halt. Likewise every individual life is in turmoil. But Bobita is just a wreck. His life has gate crashed in the wilderness of loneliness and desolation.

The eerie quivering silence is hanging in the air. But Bobita life is in turmoil. The cacophony of voices and memories are creating unbearable pain and agony. His second life has just begun. No sooner than new life, new being has started taking shape than this deadly pandemic has come like bolt out of blue.

He feels as if it were nature conspiracy to deny his due. He is feeling like baby bird that has learn how to fly and is about to explore the vast sky. But the darkness s descends.

Just when he has started relishing his new founded passion and love, this horrendous pandemic strikes. His lovers have deserted, he could not find another as social life has become moribund and closed. All public places and space where he could find love are deserted and desolate. What could he do?

Only virtual space is open. And he starts taking wings to it. But virtual is the virtual and the real is real. Virtual cannot supplant real, it can only supplement it. But our fallen writer, Bobita takes it as real for time being. Let us see what happens?

Day One: Bobita opens an account in a popular adult dating site. He puts his sexy picture with tagline of Female male wanting lovers. He puts a dp showing his assets. There come some views. One or two intital queries come up. One guy offers chat. Then they do virtual sex.

It peps up his desire instead of satiating it. Bobita invites him for real. But he seems to be scared of Corona and possible infection. It ends.

Day Two: A bi-couple. They want to explore bi experience and invite Bobita to join them. He says he is virgin in the bi-field. The couple is also having new experience of bi. They want to explore it. Bobita says he would help them. He invites the couple to his residence. But again pandemic problem renders the real encounter difficult.

Day Three: Bobita shifts to virtual live show on adult dating site. Strange is the world of live show. Thousands of people, couples, solo or in group, of all categories from bi to heterosexual, straight to transgender, masochist to traditional girls and guys are showing their assets. Most of them are having sex. It seems to be virtual brothel. Bobita hooks up with all categories.

Day Four: He starts opening his live show on dating site. People come and go. Some indulges in interactive session. It holds his interest for some time. Then it fizzles out.

He loses interest in it.

Bobita loses all interest in the virtual. The virtual world has left him longing and horny. He is craving for real. But in this pandemic time and lockdown, he is dying for having real encounter. Real has become a pipe dream.

Life seems to have solitary, hellish and emotionally brutish. He feels as if he was living in a tribal age and all people are enclosed in their homes out of fear of unknown. Only known reality is virus that is incognito. When and where it would strike it is unknown and uncertain.

What could he do? Only social interaction is possible when curfews are relaxed for two hours in morning and evening for buying essentials. Even then social interaction is marred by social distancing and limitation of fear, suspicion and precautions.

Virtual, mobile, digital and other modern gadgets appear dream like phenomena or unreal despite seemingly looking real. At the best they are like telepathy machine and at worst euphoric and ephemeral like dream. Sometimes life appear to Bobita like dream: nothing despite being everything for time being, to have it but seems like not having it. All talks and calls taper down to the helplessness and lapse into cacophonous silence of inner world. Even silence seems to have become cacophonous.

One morning he goes out on walks. He knows it to be violation of curfews, but he could not help it. It is being difficult to be shut within the four-wall of home any longer.

Outside same emptiness and loneliness greets him. Empty roads, deserted squares and market, closed Mall adds to his loneliness and desolation. Even parks and gardens are deserted and even birds and butterflies are missing.

Bobita starts feeling more lonely and desolated. He feels as if life itself has deserted him, and left him to fend for himself in the deserted and desolate island. He but could not help himself from thinking as to how Robinson Crosio might have felt after having found himself shipwrecked in a deserted and desolated island.

The emptiness of the inside seems to have merged with overarching void and silence of the outside. He starts feeling like lost man in the cacophonous silence of wilderness. He decides to turn back from the square and return back to home. One way to his home, a black and white dog comes near him and starts following. Bobita neither responds to his wagtail nor ignores. The spotty dog follows him.

Bobita allows dog to come inside the home. He gives food and shelter to the kernel. He makes it homily by giving shower and drying clean of dirt. Some bones are added to feel cozy and homily.

Man is social animal, his civics teacher used to teach him. Bu then he could not get its real meaning. It is sort of theory or theoretical learning he is used to break it into parts: Man, Social and animal. The arrival of dog has made him to understand its real meaning. Human being cannot live solo and in isolation from society. Now he feels a semblance of sanity and well-being. The feeling of living in wilderness no longer bothers him.

Spotty the dog restores Bobita to his social being. The companionship develops into attachment and attachment in blind and animal passion. It is said that if one lives in place or with person or thing for more than three days, an attachment, a bond is developed that becomes strong. It is for this reason ancient ascetic and mendicant used to wander and not staying in one place for more than three consecutive days. Bobita falls prey to this and grabs spotty like drowning man puts hope on straw. He keeps the dog like a child keeps a doll. He even sleeps with it.

One day while Bobita was enjoying didlo therapy, the Spotty the dog gets excited. Bobita thinks it as act of providence and replaces didlo with its assets.

Since then Spotty becomes his sleeping partner. But there rises one hitch: After love session with dog, Bobita is used to feel guilt. It is but the offshoot of the binary world of day following night, sorrow happiness and highs leading to lows. If one takes these binaries in stride without getting deflected by them, they don’t bother much. Otherwise one gets derailed by them as it happens to Bobita. He could not bear the guilt.

To rationalize and deal with guilt, Bobita the lost writer starts working on a treatise on “ Man and animal Unity: A case study of love and passion’. After gathering some theoretical perspective, he goes on study tour to animal kingdom and animalism.

Part III

Now we shall leave our lost writer Bobita where he is lost: his world of animal and animalism, and treatise on ‘Man Animal Unity’. Now we shall proceed with narrating the original story for which I have been commissioned as ghost writer on behalf of the lost writer Bobita.

To recap the thread of the story, it will be appropriate to remind you about it. The lost writer Bobita has been writing a novel on Sidhartha or Sid and Anu. Sid in his mid 50s wants to change his sex. He desires to be woman. He suffers from the prejudice that he would have enjoyed life had he been woman.

Sid could not enjoy his original gender. For it he puts blame on his possessive and jealous wife. She does not allow any social relation with neighbors, professional groups and relatives. She has kept him and herself isolated from everyone.

Sid wants to change his sex. Before he goes for sex change surgery and operations he faces many glass ceilings. His family, wife, children and society en large and their acceptance is big hurdles. Social and professional peer groups, friends and acquaintances cannot be brushed aside.

Sid discusses his desire to be woman with his friend Anu. She tells him frankly that he wants to enjoy other sex after enjoying his original sex. He wants to have cake and eaten it too at the same time.

She encourages him to go ahead with what he wants. She becomes more intimate with him for his desire to become woman. She reads between the lines and behind the narrative of sex change. In turn, she also gets enamored of sex change and sees it as new interest for the life entering 40s. She too starts thinking seriously to change to male sex.

She has enjoyed the life to its fullness. She has had many extra marital relations. And of course with the consent and the most of times her husband’s participation these orgies have been performed. Both have had many flings and relations outside their marriage. Now she wants to change her sex to male. This desire has been taking shape ever since Sid has discussed his plan for sex change.

One day Sid musters his courage and checks in with a surgeon of sex change clinic. It is a modern clinic with ultramodern gadgets and equipment. Laminated enlarged photographs and blowups of sex change person are affixed with after and before sex change surgery tagline. Glamour , beauty and sex appeal are galore .

Seated across a long workstation with computer, gadgets of sex change surgery is a lady doctor in her mid-30. She is beautiful and smart.

‘Interested in sex change, She asks

‘Yes, he nods

‘Partial or complete sex change surgery? In partial we only change genital and in complete surgery we change face, breast along with genital.

‘I am interested in complete. How much it will cost?

‘10 lakh’

‘Oh god! Its so costly..!

‘We could give you 20% rebate’

‘What is your age, the doctor asks after being silent for moment.

‘55’

‘It’s too late ..there is chance of surgery not being successful’

‘I will take risk, Sid insists. She refers to another doctor. He visits the doctor she has referred without wasting the time. That doctor refers to another and another to another.

Finally Sid reaches to a quack type of doctor. He is Anglo-Indian: tall, handsome and muscular body. He appears to be more of gym trainer than a doctor.

‘I specialize in sex change without surgery, the Anglo Indian, Dr. Mohun Sebsatien is explaining to Sid,’ Changing sex without surgery in an innovation and first of its kind in medical history. Had I been in West I would have got Nobel for it. But leave it. Coming to such innovative technique, it a sort of psycho-somatic method. And it is suitable for elderly people ,particularly for handsome guy having feminine look and body.’

Sid is unable to understand as to what he is saying.

Then he asks his age.

‘55’

‘Oh! You look quite younger and handsome too.

‘Thank you’, said Sid blushing like a lady.

Anu’s doctor, a plastic surgery surgeon recently returned to India after having degree from UK and US advises her against sex change. As she is in her 40s, it is suspect that sex change surgery would be successful. But she is adamant to go for it. The surgeon pleads that female to male surgery is very challenging. Otherwise also there is age issue…”

‘Any particular problem, she asks.

‘In the female to male sex change surgery, penis creates problem. It turns out to be problematic in every case. Even if a lot of hormones are pumped into, it refused to grow.

‘Let it be. Never mind, I will take risk. I would manage.’ Anu shows her resolve to go ahead with sex change surgery.

Next day Sid goes to Dr. Sebastein clinic. He starts non-surgical sex change therapy.

First Session: Counseling starts,’ you feel like you are woman, Dr. Sebestein says making him sit aside him on sofa, you must feel and think always that you are woman. Man and woman are earthly and artificial division, both are men and woman at the same time. Only difference is that of genital or sex organ. Even that has an alternative. You have two breasts with nipples, one bum hole equivalent to woman genital. And to add to booty, you have penis as well. You can enjoy both’.

He repeats this statement thrice. Then he asks him to undress. ‘Don’t hesitate. Feel as if you are woman and undressing before a male’.

Sid hesitates. He refuses to oblige. Dr. Sebastein helps him in undressing him and shows his tools. Sid sees it, and gets some excitement. Quack doc is feeling quite excited. Brandishing his tool, he says, ‘Ok baby. Hold it and feel what woman feels it’.

Sid gets transfixed like statues. He is looking at the Quack naked body. His aroused genital fascinates him. He feels like holding it, kissing him. Then Doc makes him lie on sofa. He squeezes his nipple. He kisses him passionately. And then checks erection of Sid’s genital. ‘yeah its responding baby. Now lie on your belly B-A-by! I just want to check your bum hole’.

Sid lies on his belly. “ Of you got nice bums and bumhole.’ Kissing it, he mutters,’ oh its like woman genital….” He fingers it and then kisses it. Then he abruptly leaves the half lit room leaving Sid alone to brood over his newly found sexuality.

After some time, Dr Sebastian returns. ‘Come tomorrow. And start wearing panties and bra. It would help you feel like woman’.

He says good bye.

Anu undergoes sex change surgery. But it does not prove to be that much successful. She becomes a sort of male eunuch. At the best she becomes transgender with woman body and male mutilated genital. It is too short to be called a penis. It proves to be quite disappointing. She becomes neither a male nor female.

From Anu, she becomes Aanand. She gets divorce notice from her husband. She loses the job of receptionist as the post is meant for lady. To retain the job, she argues she would do justice to the post. But the employer sticks to his position.

Anu has not imagined life would become a sort of hell after sex change. She thought she would enjoy remaining life with male gender. But she has lost her original gender and could not get the male gender she has aspired.

Now she is eunuch, neither male nor female. She is being snubbed and jeered by all. She is unable to get employment. She could not get a flat or room to live in. She thought to hire a room from his saving for rainy days. But nobody is willing to oblige.

Finally she joins the group of eunuch. She starts living with them in their enclave. She goes on with them to beg money. She dances and sings with them in marriages, birthday party and other social occasions. In off season she goes begging money on traffic signals, squares, t junction and busy commercial areas and districts.

***

Sid’s sex change therapy takes interesting turn. When he visits the clinic next day, the doctor informs that he would start drilling and vibrator session. This would make him like woman. His genital would be shaped like woman.

Before that Dr Sebastian lectures him on LGBTQI (Lesbian Gay Bi-Sexual, Transgender, Questioning or Quivering , intelligence). Sid says he has heard about it but does not know much about it. Then Dr. enlightens him about it: how it empowers sexually deprived groups such as lesbian, homosexual, bisexual and others and it provides legitimacy to the deprived section.

In addition, LGBTQI has become cultural fad. People along with deprived groups are enjoying varied and multiple sexual lives. Sid could also utilize it to his advantage. It depends upon individual how they take it and making use of it to their advantage and well-being. To be specific, Sid could slip into bi sex to homo to lesbian and gender without any limitations.

In the prelude to vibrator, he says that penetration pleasure is unique for women. She is penetrated and the penetrator loses his being and energy but she gets everything. It is pinnacle of passion and release of energy. He says that vibrator would make the penetration easy and Sid would enjoy it.

After vibrating and drilling therapy, Dr Sebastian ask Sid to suck his dick. If he enjoys it then he would pass the entrance test of womanhood. This is standardized test as set by the quack doctor. Then quack starts fixing the pole in the drilled hole.

Anu now Aanand meets her dream on a busy signal. It has been lean season. She is moving along with three eunuchs-Rajia, Kajia and Sultana. Then he sees her and she notices him staring like gone case.

He is in his fifties, but well-built and looking younger than his age. He is the owner of a dance company. The company conducts show for marriage, private parties, birthday, festivals, and private parties of rich and affluent. It specializes in organizing dance and drama during weekly, monthly, biannual and annual Fair or Bazar in rural and semi-urban areas.

‘Hi I am Vicky, owner of a dance company. Would you like work with me, he says. He gives her his visiting card asking her to come to his office as soon as possible.

For Anu it is an offer she could not afford to miss. She enters his car and sitting on front seat says, ‘I am all for you.’

It so happens that the lead dancer of the company has eloped with director. They have founded another dance performing company. It has not been confirmed. Vicky has just heard that they have started another company. But for him, a big problem has cropped up: how to find another dancer. More so, when the deadline for the next show has been coming nearer day by day.

When Vicky sees Anu dancing and begging money in musical style, he at once comes to know that she could fit the role of dancer. Her whole body and the body language have been overflowing with dance and music. She looks like dancing diva with half female and male body or she could be half female and half male or both at the same time.

For Anu it has provided a respite from humiliation and pain she has been going through since botched up sex change surgery.

Sid is dismayed over the sex change therapy he has been taking from quack doctor. He is anguished at being forced to homosexuality and role plays of LGBTQI in the name of sex change therapy. Dr. Sebastian has been exploiting him.

It becomes too much when the quack suggests that the real feel of womanhood he would get when he would do the whoring. And he put three men for threesome onto him. It proves to be virtual rape by three men with consent.

Sid feels ashamed of himself. How would he show face to the family and friend. He has fallen down in his own eyes! He could not go to home. What he would do to go home? Nobody cares for him. Wife is busy in her own life and children are grown up and having their own life! The home appears like jungle. As he has fulfilled their needs and demands emptying his coffer, he is of no use to them. He ceases to be of any utility and convenience for them. His utility has expired.

He decides to leave the town and settle in unknown place and among unknown people. He wants to live life afresh. But he is unable to decide which place he should go. He is not sure and he does not want surety and security in life.

He leaves himself entirely to the life, existence and its forces. Wherever life would take him he would go. In whichever condition existence would keep him, he would accept. He has surrendered to the life or it would be better word if life has forced him to be like that.

He could not share his guilt or shame with anyone. His social circle has dwindled. He has hardly any friend left to be his friend in need. Sid feels himself like a lonely man in the crowd. In the crowd of the multiple beings and lives, he in his prime has been forced to be a limp in his own enclosure of family.

He has always desired to touch, feel and be part of the collective and society. But his wife did not allow even bare minimum social relations with neighbor. She was so possessive of him and jealous. Now his guilty conscience and possessive wife has rendered him lonely. He could not live with his being that is in constant rebellion against him.

Where should he go? And what he should do to get rid of his revolting being?

Sid decides to go on solo cycling expedition. To cover his escape and seek familial and social approval, he takes up the social cause of empowerment of girl child as cause and theme of his cycling expedition. When he announce this to family, there is mixed reaction.

As Sid had steady income of pension, he could manage his expenses. So there is no financial constraints. He buys a cycle fitted with accessories to hold his waterproof bag with few pairs of clothes, and other essentials. He shops a sleeping bag and one foldable waterproof tent.

In an early morning, he gets set to journey to unknown. He is wondering whether life every step is itself journey or metaphor of journey. Destination is invisible and undecided. One has to move ahead. Life’s every instant and destination is changing or shifting. What is important is one has to keep on moving.

Time and space moves with us. If we stop, time stops, space shrink. But time starts fleeting and space moving with us or we are moving toward it from one point to another. But we more often than not mess it up with our desire to make it predictable, certain and as per our whims and fancy.

Hence starts the conflict, we seek certainty in uncertain world. We seek the definiteness in the indefinite life. An infinite existence becomes finite. Sid is thinking while paddling his bicycle fitted with 21 gears. There is a steep incline and he changes his bike gear to 1-7 from 3-7. But why don’t we soften ourselves when life goes on uphill journey. Without changing the gear of attitude and fortitude we struggle with the uphill ascent and exhaust our self.

There comes decline and he hardens his gear from 1-7 to 3-7 to have grip over descending descent. When life is easy and free flowing with no hassles and challenges, we never ground ourselves on to the inevitable reality of problem and challenge. Life is binary: days follow night, happiness sorrow and victory defeat. Sid finds organic unity between life and cycling.

Sid feels as if he has got the meaning in the life. Life is a journey in unknown, unexpected and unwanted. Only this moment is life and rest is illusion. Past is gone forever and future always remains future. But we sacrifice our life and its every moment on altar of past and future.

Sid finds unique and unprecedented changes engulfing his being. His being has turned into a being that has become foundation of his own being. He is just viewer of life like he is viewing the unfolding scenes of terrain, fields, ponds, mounds, trees and orchids of mango while moving on cycle. He feels himself like audience of the play that life is playing.

Sometimes he feels as if he is not riding the bicycle, someone else is there doing it. He is different being and he is observing him riding the cycle. Scenes and sceneries are unfolding. Car, bikes, truck, lorries and buses are overtaking his bike. People are seen coming and going in opposite direction. Women are going to market for shopping and children to school.

Overhead sky is spread infinitely. Clouds are wafting like finite being. But if seen from point view of the sky, they are part of infinite sky. Sid but could not help himself from thinking as why our life gets lured by finite. A hard wind blows out clearing the clouds form sky. The birds are soaring over the sky.

Life looks beautiful when one is on move. Why it is so, Sid wonders. Is it because when one is on move, the self and its memories and baggage of past, anxieties of future all lose momentum and intensity? It means if one does not think about them, they would not bother. If not , they would bother. So they don’t seem to have independent existence.

Sid is without any expectation, he has surrendered himself to life; he feels like traveler light on baggage or no baggage at all. And life appears beautiful. Life is beautiful but we have burdened it with expectations and our baggage of memories and past.

Sid feels as if he has wasted his life over trifle things. Now onward he won’t be bogged down by such pettiness of life.

***

It is first show of Anu on stage. She is feeling as if life is also a short of play and on stage performance. We play our character and respective roles. Every moment, every day there is first shot and show. Every day, every hour, every moment is first show of one or other act of life. We hesitate, we procrastinate. We are nervous, concerned and make mistake. We are concerned what people would say.

But once show begins, the day of reckoning comes, everything happens as per their own dynamics. Guided as these are by cause and effect, it happens accordingly and despite of our forebodings, to be or not to be and useless thoughts and probabilities and possibilities. Everything goes smoothly. Then we realize everything have been shooting of our mind and anxiety of all possibilities.

Anu also feels the same sort of anxieties and forebodings. But her first show of dance becomes quite hit with audience. The gathering just gets mad over her performance, they are asking and requesting Anu to sing and dance again and again. Once more, once more with clapping, cat callings, hooting and joyous shouting have been rending the air.

Anu is looking dashing and damn sexy on the stage. Vicky has been watching her form green room. He could not believe she is the same eunuch begging at signals. After sex change therapy and pumping of hormones, her sexuality has taken the hue and nuances of masculinity. It has added to her feminine beauty.

The audience has been going berserk. They comprise of rural and semi-urban folk. They seem to have gone mad and crazy over her sizzling beauty and sex appeal. The show is being held in semi-urban district of India bordering Nepal. It has been sponsored by the local Agriculture Products marketing committee.

Everything has been going well. The sponsors are happy and audience is enjoying the performance with clapping and dancing. Then all of sudden five masked men barge into the stage. The four of them take position in the four corners of the stage. The fifth fires a shot from his gun in the air. Music and dance stop. There follows pin drop silence among the audience.

The fifth masked man point gun to Anu’s forehead says , “Come with me darling. Now you will dance only for me.” They lead her to nearby parked SUV and speed away after firing three four shots.

Vicky could not understand as to what has happening. He is drunk to the hilt.

Black SUV with Anu and five gangsters is speeding towards the Black Hills. It reaches a desolate hilly terrain. The road has ended at the foothill of Black Hills. The SUV halts before a cave and kills its engine. They all disembark with Anu who has been forced to wear burka to hide her identity. A black cloth has been tied over her eyes.

They have tied Anu to the side seat. Her mouth has been strapped with tape. She could not cry or seek help. She has been forced to bear burka covering her from head to toes. Her mobile phone has been thrown near the crime scene.

Anu feels as if she were being taken into dark tunnel. A dark abysses engulfing her whole being and threatening to be everlasting is bothering her. The black strap of clothes tied over her mouth is proving to be quite suffocating. The dark and moonless night is adding to the darkness within and without.

She is sitting on middle seat flanked by the leader of the gang. He pats her back and breast lewdly. Sometimes he would fondle with her beautiful globes, other time squeeze nipples. She felt alive with this show of lewdness. But revulsion, repulsion and hatred follow.

The hideout of the gang is perfect camouflage. The entrance is hidden with junk of abandoned lorry and then jutted rock further hiding the cave. They have token Anu inside the cave. The cave is well furnished having five bed rooms, one hall and a kitchen and common bathroom.

After locking Anu in the room of gang leader, they start drinking wine and beer. Anu sitting in adjacent room has been listening to their jokes and banters listlessly. She is in her original dancing dress: tee and skirt showing more of her sex appeal and smartness. The burka, black clothes and strap have been removed.

Anu asks why they have kidnapped her, the leader of the gang replies, ’We would make you strip and dance.’ All of them starts laughing and jeering her.

Anu reveals, ‘I’m not what you are thinking… neither a woman nor man but eunuch’.

They are shocked and become silent. They all then break in uncontrollable laughter.

She strips before them to prove she is eunuch. They are so shocked that they could not say anything for a long time.

At last gang leader breaks the silence having engulfed the crooked and cruel gang of five: ‘Never mind. We shall sodomize.”

***

Life is on move. That is what Sid is feeling while cycling purposelessly. Purpose is there: goodwill mission and empowerment of girl child. But it is secondary and superimposed. It is just like life: despite the life having purpose it appears purposeless more often than not. There is certainly a purpose in life and world, but if one seeks it would appear difficult to find any purpose.

Sid would keep on moving. When tired, he would rest. When hungry, he would eat whatever is available on roadside. When tired of paddling the bicycle, he would rest under the cool shade of roadside trees, garden, orchids, patches of green and roadside eateries.

When it would be getting dark, he would seek abode in any hotel, motel, line hotel or Dharmasala, Sarai or Gurudwara. If he would find himself in rural areas , he would pitch his tent. But more often than not village people would come with request of being their guest.

Sid seems to have acquired a state of mind wherein everything is acceptable. He would accept without any hesitation, reservation and value judgment what life provides. He seems to have totally surrendered to the existence.

Wherever he would go, whatever situation, ups and down, he would find himself, he would try be balanced and have a sort of equanimity. His being on road or resting at roadside orchid and patches of green or staying at hotel would hardly make any difference. He would be in complete harmony with his surroundings and feeling unique oneness underlying the different situations and environments. He would find no difference between outside and inside.

Sometimes he would feel sky is pervading his inside and while other times it would appear as if sky is projection of his inner sky. Sometime he would find it puzzling that all boundaries have collapsed. There is no inside and outside in real sense of term. There is no fixed boundary that demarcate the outside from inside and the inside form outside.

One day it is getting dark. Sid is tired. But there is a forest area to traverse before arriving at habitats. After he has covered half of the distance, there appears a village located in a valley flanked three side by the hills. He decides to pitch his tent near the pond of the village.

Sid is resting in his tent after having biscuits and salted peanuts. He has been wondering as to what he would eat for dinner. Then he hears a lady voice addressing to him from outside of the tent: ‘Babuji… Babuji.. from where you have come …?

Sid comes out from his tent. He finds a woman standing there. She is in her 40s wearing traditional choli and Ghaghara dress. Her neck line shining from low cut choli is covered with ornaments made of beads and rare stones.

‘Sahab, it’s not safe to sleep here, she says in her local language.’ Wild animals come here to drink water form pond. Be our guest.”

Sid has no option but to accept her offers. She has been returning from the jungle where she has gone to collect fodder for her livestock. She notices that some stranger has pitched tent, she could not restrain herself from cautioning him and offering him stay.

Her name is Budhia. She is from neighboring village: A beautiful face with strong and sturdy body. Labor and honesty has added serenity to her beauty. Her tanned skin is glowing pink. Her husband is simple village farmer. He is unchartered routes of life are beckoning.

Sex deprivation has been another problem. This cruelty gift of wife could not be redeemed in pandemic time. When she refused to sleep with him, he thought it might be due to menopause. But he suspected her of having illicit relations with someone else. She has been warming others, while denying him his conjugal right. It is clear cut stance of cruelty and could be substantial ground for divorce.

The couple is hardly on talking terms. Home has ceased to be home, it has become four walls of a house. The very essence of relationship has gone out. Both seem to be mere shadow of their original selves. But for children, he has to bear all cruelty and ignominy.

Yet it is very exasperating to maintain cool and harmony; particularly, when she would be talking to her lover in intimate terms. Sometimes he would fill with so much jealousy that he would feel like strangulating her. Then he would wonder whether it is not churlish and tribal mindset. It is mediaeval practice when jilted lover or cuckold husband used to fight duel or kill the rival by treachery or straight fight.

The extramarital affairs, discreet relations and treacheries and deceit in love and marriage have been happening since time memorial. The revenge instinct has been pestering human minds and relationship. Such revenge or extramarital or illicit relations is still happening. But modernity has evolved divorce to deal with such discord in marriage and relationship. Violence is there but taken another forms. Violence has been transformed into psychological, pecuniary and legal one.

The pandemic has added to the problem. Had it been normal time, there would have been no problem in finding friend, sex partner and beloved. The cold calling, one night stands and random dating would have compensated.

The social disharmony, discord, disconnect, mask and paranoia about infection has poured cold water on any desire to have love and sex. Finding love and love making partners in time of pandemic seems to dangerous and frightful proposition. Sid has been passing through very intense conflict inside his being.

That day in bank Sid sees a very smart girl: tall, good figure with heavy breast and beautiful face. She has caught his attention holding his eyes and throwing side glances. When he has again looked at her and she has again responded. He has felt like going after her and hooking her. But unconscious fear of infection and social distancing and hesitancy put a check. And she has gone.

Let thing get normalized and after everyone is vaccinated and pandemic ebbs, the social life would be normalized. He would go for random dating spree and hooking girls after girls, he consoled himself.

He even consider massage parlor option and possible love making avenues. But again hesitation and fear of infection forecloses even that option.

Meanwhile Sid starts fantasizing as to what he would do once pandemic and related paranoia ebbs. He makes a list of things and escapades he would undertake once things get normalized. When pandemic would be announced to have been finished completely, all restrictions would be gone. It would be within four or five months. By the time her daughter would have delivered baby and gone to her in-laws place.

But this optimism is punctuated by a lot of self doubts, personal anger and all negative thoughts. It has both negative and positive vibes balancing the overall effect.

Sometimes he feels this crisis in middle age as blessing in the disguise. She has made him free. Her suffocating control has ended. Now he could breathe free. The suffocation and ennui that has been gripping him in home life have gone out with winds of change.

Now he could do anything. He could go out to discotheque that he has never gone. When unmarried he could not find partner for dance as he did not have regular girlfriend. He could not find one night stand partner due to lack of requisite money.

After marriage, neither kannu would go with him to any social gathering or party nor she would allow him to go alone. She would keep strict vigil and any late coming would be viewed with suspicion and would usually lead to verbal dual, acrimony and tension.

She could smell anything. Even if he had not done anything she would find some cooked story, fling or one night stand. She has been very much jealous and suspicious. It is not normal. Many of his friends have red flagged it. He thought many times to take divorce, but due to children he could not do anything.

So now when he is free, he would have fling. He would go for one night stand. He would go to the hook up places and would have anyone catching his fancy.

But what would younger people? Sugar daddy, daddy cool hot, they would laugh. But if one has spirit of young in fit body and sound in mind, they would accept.

How does it matter? It’s his life.

His life! Whose life? Had he not been born on earth, whom would he have made complaint! Now Sid has no option but to flow with life stream. What is happening is what life is. It is he who is denying it and swimming against the flow of life stream. But the real problem is that he thinks he is doing it or he has invited what is happening in his life. This would have happened despite of him and in spite of him.

He has to leave the feeling of doer ship. Things are happening on their own. He has been just witness watching things happening but unable to make any contribution. Then why he should unnecessarily make unauthorized intervention into it.

When he is asleep, he has no such desire, ambition or anger. There is no ‘if’ and ‘but’, no complaint .But when he wakes up, these come with all intensity in his consciousness. Are these independent or dependent on his consciousness? But he gets jealous whenever he sees her busy in pep talks with her lover. He feels sometimes very anguished.

One could be jealous in such matured age, then it is also God’s will or life gift! One must accept everything that life gives. Otherwise there is no alternative or choice. Free choice sounds good only in theory. Does it have any significance before life force? Love, hatred, happiness, jealousy, illicit relations, discreet relations, success, failures happen despite we not wanting it. Yet one has to accept it. And this is only possible when one sees them as independent realities and like observer.

This is how Sid used to rationalize his predicament. He is used to console himself whenever life becomes unbearable. Sometimes it feels as if how these days of restlessness and night of nightmare would pass. He feels as if he is forced to spend a night of life which has no dawn. Such feeling used to become more intense when she is at home and talking to her lover.

More often than not, he is used to wish having such fling and relationship. But his nature and bearings are quite different. He could not make such type of relationship. But when he comes to know about his wife’s affairs, he feels very passionate to have such type of fling.

The first girl he proposes to have such relations is a divorcee girl in her late 20s. Her name is Wahi. Tall, fair with muscular body and beautiful face with big eyes she is attractive and different from others. She has been a gym trainer in Kabul. Everything has been going well. Then she gets married and problem starts bothering her.

After marriage her husband begins to create problem. He is very conservative and typical patriarchal Afghani male. He does not want Wahi to continue the job of gym trainer as she used to train the male. He asks Wahi to leave the job but she do not oblige.

Her husband gives divorce because she used to touch the male trainee while training them. She comes to India after Taliban kills her father for sending his daughter to work as gym trainer. She is a brave girl and she tries to save her father. She is also wounded with a bullet grazing her shoulder.

Sid is certain he would get her love. She is a divorcee. She must be randy and eager for having sex. More so after half an year of lockdown, she must be desperate to have love. Lockdown has just been eased down. Sid has started going out for cycling. One day he meets her cycling down and they get introduced to each other.

Sid is surprised at himself for taking initiative in getting introduced and proposing to Wahi. Otherwise he has been very lethargic in seeking friendship and acquaintances with the ladies who used to take his fancy.

It does not matter much for Sid when Wahi is unable to accept his offer of becoming his love and sex partner. He could propose that has been great achievement. It does matter that it has not been his choice coming out of free will but forced by life force or existence.

There have been many hit and miss cases in getting love from many ladies. Always hitting the right jackpot but missing. Why, one might wonder. Is it destiny, design or sheer choice or natural forces taking their own course and working under their own dynamics?

There has been one lady whose husband is in Paramilitary services. Sid meets him during a holiday trip. He has stayed in forces officers mess and he has been deputed as assistant to him. His name is Inspector Raj.

The Inspector becomes friendly with him. Sid comradely behavior and openness has earned his respect and admiration. He is show off type and equally gifted with bragging and shooting in the air. In Sid he finds opportunity to show contact at higher places to his colleagues and peer group. He invites him to visit his home. Sid does not take it seriously but a formality to show respect and cordiality.

But Raj is serious as he wants to use Sid’s contacts at higher places to his advantage. He keeps pestering him for visiting his home. Raj hails from lower Himalayas region. Sid has fascination and liking for hills and valleys. One day he decides to visit his home.

Raj village is nestled amid the splendor of natural beauty. Surrounded three sides by towering mountain ranges of Shivalik and opening to one side to river valley, it is like garden of nature. He has got nice home, obedient children and beautiful wife. She is village beauty. Greenish grey eyes, fair healthy skin looking fresh like rose petals. Strong body, broad hips and full breast.

She is a teacher at local village primary school. In the very first meeting, he starts liking her. She is lovely and caring. Sid is lost in her greenish grey eyes. He feels as if she has been known to him since ages.

It is first night stay at Raj house. Sid is not aware that he is alcoholic. He gets drunk, tries to offer him wine but Sid refuses. After he gets drunk, he has a fight with his wife. And then he lapses into alcohol induced sleep.

After cleaning the center table, his wife starts making bed for Sid. Raj is fast sleep. When Sid tries to wake him up, his wife says: “Saab ji no use of waking him.” He is sleeping on sofa.

She goes to kitchen and come with a glass of milk. After offering him milk, she remains standing. He asks her to sit down. She sits on the edge of bed. When Sid looks at Raj to see whether he is awake, she says with melancholy:’ just have a look Sirji! How drunk he is. It is daily routine. He has sugar, is diabetic patient, she pauses and puts emphasis on diabetes.’ My life has become hell. No pleasure nothing….’

“But you should have checked him, Sid interrupts.

“ How could I, she starts crying, he fights with me… does not listen… get drunk daily…. My life has become hell’. She is weeping.

Sid tries to console her, patting her shoulder and her back. She puts her face on his shoulder. Putting his arms around her, he presses her against his chest. Then he looks apprehensively towards her drunken husband. She does not fail to notice it and assures him, “ He won’t wake up whole night’.

Sid starts kissing her. She responds with passion. He puts his tongue deep inside her mouth. Then he starts fondling her breast and feeling her between legs. She is hot and ready for action.

But Sid gets scared looking towards Raj. He is fast sleep. She has put off main light. Only a dim light of a night bulb is there. She again says, “ don’t worry. He won’t wake up”.

But Sid is not Casanova type who could make love with the wife while husband is asleep in the same room. For him odd is stacked against him. He is not comfortable. He hesitates. He fears passionate love making could make her husband awake. Then he might kill both of them. This acts as dampener. She also comes to understand that it is risky to make love.

They decide to leave it for next time. And that next time comes soon. Raj and his sons have to go for some family work. It has been raining hard. Raj has fought with his wife in morning. He has been drinking since morning. His wife has objected and the fight has ensued.

One female neighbor has been doing some domestic work in their house. Her sister- n-law has gone to the field for mowing. When the female neighbor finishes her and leaves for her home, Raj wife comes. Sid is reading a novel.

‘How are you, Sid greets her with smile.

She starts crying. She narrates how he has hit her and humiliated her before their son. Sid starts consoling. Kissing and hugging follows. Sid starts undressing her. He put his hand on her sex. She is hot and moist, ready for action.

But she notices from the window her sister-in law returning from the field. They could not consummate their love making.

Some time has elapsed. Sid invents an alibi to finish the unfinished love making. He visits her place when her husband is on duty in deep south of the country. He tells her that he has been just passing through the area. He thought he should say hello to her. She is more than happy.

There is no visible obstacle in their prospect of love making. Her sister-in-law has gone back to her home. It is good omen; Sid could not help from thinking.

When evening starts falling, he seeks her permission to go. It is just a ruse to judge her willingness. He informs he has booked a hotel in nearby town. But she does not allow him to go. She requests him to stay at night. He happily accepts it.

But Night comes and goes without any action. Nothing happens. Sid just does not feel like making love with her. He does not even kiss her and take her into his arms.

Why it has happened so, Sid could not decide. He could not find any definite reason for such love fiasco. Has it just been cooling of desire? Or she has been shabby and in dirty villager dress? Or morality issue has acted as dampener?

***

Same thing happens in case of Afghani girl, Wahi. Even though it has happened on different ground, the fundamentals have been same. Sid and Wahi go on two or three cycling expeditions. He has been thinking to propose to her.

One day he decides to call her at home. But she refuses to meet at home as she does not entertain anyone at home. When asked the reason for such unfriendly act, she replies her son would ask many uncomfortable questions and would become very upset. She says her son is her life and she could not compromise with it.

So they agree to meet at Lodhi Garden. When Sid tells her about his wife having affairs, she get very angry and shocked. ’Such woman should be shot at’, she says. She is typical Afghani woman. Even though she has been treated unfairly by her ex-husband and patriarchal Afghani society, she has faith in loyalty and fidelity.

‘What should I do’, Sid asks her opinion.

‘Take divorce or keep mistress like she is having.’

‘Where I would get such mistress? I don’t know.’

‘Anyone could be your mistress if you give 10 or 20 thousand buck?

Sid offers Wahi to be his mistress. She says she would think over it and tell him. ‘Give me few days to think, she concludes the meeting.

He contacts her after two days. She refuses the offer to be his mistress. But she promises to stay friends. That is the end of the affairs.

This is problem with Sid. He gives in easily. He never tries hard. He knows a woman says no by default. If one persists in pursuing her, she usually gives in to proposal. But Sid could not follow this strategy. He would drop his gun at the very first no.

One day, he has been roaming around the Connaught Place. He has just gone out to overcome boredom and ennui that has set in. It is being very difficult to be at home. He has not been feeling homily at his own home.

He finds himself in strange situation. His home is not his home; his wife is not his wife. His very being seems to be not his being. He is neither a being nor a nothingness. It has been constantly hurtling between to be and not to be. To have one night stand or serious relationship or go without it or keep on living like a boat without ore.

The problem it seems to be of his own making if seen from hindsight. He wants to possess their very being. If they want to live their life in their own way let them be. Why does he think that they would live as he thinks? This is the problem and it is his problem. He wants to impose his wish, anticipation and expectation on everything. He thinks life should be as per his whims and fancies.

Sid is walking randomly in the inner circle of CP. It is a sunny bright and beautiful day. Every day is beautiful and different from other day. But we make it stale and routine by projecting our experience, sense and sensibility.

There has been feeling of spring wafting in the air. The Sun is getting warmer. The winds are blowing with a little faster speed. In the Central park, flowers are in their full bloom. A group of high flying birds have been encircling and hovering over it. It is then he sees Anu coming from P block.

Sid is sure it is Anu. When he comes near her, he waves and she responds. They are meeting after long time. Much water has flown down the river Yamuna since he has talked to her.

‘Lets us go to nearby restaurant..” he says shaking her hands and hugging her.

‘I have not much time at hand. Just one hour as my husband is in meeting and …..

‘Husband, Sid interjected.

‘Yeah Sid… we have patched up. After my sex change surgery, I was reduced to transgender and….. She told all the trails and travails of the life.

After she finishes her long story, she asks, “what about you? He does not tell that he has been conned by quack doctor in name of sex change surgery. How could he tell her he has been exploited and sodomized by the doctor! He just informs he has changed his mind and stayed put in his original gender.

‘How is your wife? Anu asks.

‘She is having affair”

‘Affair! In advanced year of life! I must salute her spirit.”

Sid is shocked. She is being biased towards her gender. He says good bye to her.

It is a problem if one sticks to his own limitations and self imposed ideas. There is no ideal, thoughts, experiences that are absolute and could fit in every situation. Our real self is just observer and is beyond the binaries and dualities of life. Sid seems to be having rather self realization.

Let it happen the way it happens. Accepting it and living in active present is only remedy. The mind wants to give tit for tat. Its nature is like water that tends to be leveling up everything. It fills the vacuum no sooner than it is created.

She is having lover and I am unable to have, Sid is thinking. But life is circular or linear, Sid is unable to decide. But it is what is and he has to accept it. Sometimes it seems to be circular. Other time it appears linear.

Sid is staying at a hotel in the capital of his home state. He has gone to attend the marriage anniversary of a friend who is celebrating 25 years of his marriage. Sid wants to revisit the all the places he has visited, lived abodes, schools and colleges attended. He wants to relive all the escapades and botched up interludes. Why it is so?

Sid ponders over this urge to revisit the past life. It may be so because active present is lost in past and future. The present reality may be so painful that it seeks solace in past or future. This seems to be problem of life: one is always living in past or future. Present is always sacrificed on the altar of the past or the future.

He is transported to memories of time when he was of 15 years of age. He was in a boarding school. One afternoon of summer, he went to visit a professional sex worker along with one of his friends. When he solicited sex, she said she was a dancer. But she was very much amused. She took him in her lap and patting his chubby cheek said,’ you are a kid, and go to playground’.

When Sid was in college, he got very horny one day. He wanted hard sex. He was fed up with platonic love and friendly bonhomie. To quench his sexual desire, he went to Gaya.

In Gaya he felt strange. It was the same place where Budha got enlightenment. And he went to seek sex. Is it his way of enlightenment, Sid was wondering. He remembered one sect that seeks enlightenment through sex and wine. But question is again whether it is seeking or leaving these basic instincts. When Sid returned from Gaya, the realization dawns that the life is not in seeking but forsaking of basic instincts and desires that gives happiness.

Sid did not know that when Budha was asked as to what he got through enlightenment. He said he did not get anything but leave many desires, binaries and fever of life. When Sid was returning from Gaya, he realized that desiring a woman, or sex or wealth binds one to that is desired.

Sid was passing through Budha moment of his life. Even though it was in different way it was having sex effect. A desire is desire even if it acceded or denied. If one gets or don’t get, the end result is same: craving more of that one gets or don’t get. The best option is what Budha has devised middle path or Krishn to be unaffected or detached from the binaries of life. Happiness and sorrow is our explanation, things are what they are. It is we give them color of happiness and sorrow.

The first time his desire could not be quenched as prostitute abused his mother. He left her and the town she was living. Second time when he is in 50s, the prostitute Nisha provides avenging shot to Sid. He avenges the infidelity of his wife by having sex with prostitute. He feels liberated. It is not sex but the idea of revenge or equalizer sex is important. The sex with her has cured of him sickness of being a cuckold.

Sid does not feel any guilt. He does not allow his real self to be affected by this bodily act. And he feels fresh and enlightened!

When Sid meets Leela at CP, he feels as if he has got steady girlfriend or mistress. She has been smoking at roadside of the Patel Chowk. Sid has been riding his bike. He has gone on in search of blind dates but unable to find anyone that could appeal to his senses. She notices his mobile peeping out from his hip pocket.

She cautions him: ‘Mind your mobile. It will be lost’.

Sid puts the cell phone into his breast pocket. But it is hanging out of the packet. She suggests: ’Put it in your sling bag.’ Thanking her Sid asks her which side she is going.

‘Malviya Nagar’, She says

‘Okay, I would drop you.’

She rides behind him putting her soft breast on his back. It is only in the morning he has been messing pillion ride of the female that he used to have during his youth. She is without helmet and there is risk of being caught and fined by the police. But it hardly bothers us. Passion is great leveler, Sid is wondering with amusement and excitement.

Sid feels as if he were floating, not riding. The traffic en route, the honking and blowing of horns seem to be coming away from far off land. Everything seems to have changed without any change. All variables were same except the girl pillion riding with him.

‘My name is Leela’, she says. I am Sindhi. She puts emphasis on her being Sindhi.

‘Nice name’, Sid says.

‘Please drive slowly. I am afraid of speed.’ Sid slows down but accelerates with bump so that her body is clasped against his. Sid asks her to hold him from behind.

There comes the feeling of otherness. Sid seems to have become other self observing himself from a distant ground. He becomes the observer of his being: he is driving, a girl in her 20s sitting behind him on bike. The presence of the girl frees him from himself and he is floating like eagle floating high in the sky.

No past, any future, only present is existing infinitely. He feels as if he were in heaven. Sid is not aware that living in present is heaven and bliss. The present is always present and it is infinite. Those who live in present oblivious of past and future are liberated and blissful. This is heaven or Kingdom of God.

Snarling Traffic does not bother. The oppressive heat and pollution are unable to have any effect. No ifs and buts, no worry, no judgment, no swimming against the current; just flowing with life stream. All becomes one and one becomes all.

The girl-Leela he has just met. But he feels as if they have known each other since ages. Their spirit has become one. He melts into her and she is all. They become we. He presses her breast from his back and rubs her right thighs with one hand, while driving bike with other.

Leela is chirping like birds.

‘Do you drink? She asks putting her face on his right soldier pressing her breast against his back.

‘No’ I am teetotaler’

‘Smoke? She asks putting her lips on to the backside of his neck.

‘No’

‘Oh no…you don’t drink, nor smoke… its quite strange’

‘That is why we are stranger, Sid cracks a joke, never mind you can have fag and booze. I get intoxicated with bliss that is life.”

‘What! it sounds like OHT.. over head transmission’

‘Life is life only when there is over head transmission and one goes beyond mind and body..”

Leela becomes silent for a moment. For her it is OHT, over head transmission.

‘Are you Single’, she coos

‘A sort of ….have become single recently.”

“Then we can sit at your place’

Sid gets a bit suspicious. Then rationalized she might have got excited and want to have sex.

“It is not possible to go to my place as daughter is there and wife also…”

‘But you told you are single’

‘Yeah but not in that sense’

‘Well then where we can go?’

‘Lets us go to any park.’

‘ok….but before that I I should have some grub.. feeling hungry…’

They go to nearby bakery. She bought cake, biscuits, Rusk, chocolates and all sort of pastries costing him more than expected. Then she asks 500 bucks. Sid suspicion gets confirmed she is call girl.

“We can go to OYO room. They will charge enough money. But we could get a room for a month and have nice time there. I know a person in South Ex. And he could provide a room.’ she proposes.

‘That would be done latter on. Let’s go to park and have some quick shots’ Sid proposes.

She asks more money. He refuses to oblige and parts her company.

Next day in early morning Sid goes for cycling. He does not feel bad about Leela. She has cheated him. But he has enjoyed her company. He has managed few kisses and hugs from her. Even that seems to have been sufficient.

Overhead sky is still clad with darkness. Cool morning breeze is blowing. The crescent moon is adding to the beauty of early morning hazy darkness. The moon is stationary but it seems to be moving along Sid peddling the cycle. Similarly our real self, thought strikes Sid out of blue, is beyond the movement of life, its trials and travails, but it seems to be moving along with it. It remains stationary and observer, seeing the body doing it work, mind processing memory and experience.

Why he should feel cheated, Sid is arguing with his self. Leela is unable to cheat his real self. She might have cheated his body, mind or feeling but he is not body only, or mind or feelings only. His real self remains above and beyond these and thus immune from cheating and being cheated.

Sid gets a sort of peace of mind. This self realization of soul and body being separated has given him relief when he has had revenge sex with a professional prostitute. His real being has remained unpolluted. What has been done, done by the body! It also has provided solace to him when he has been cheated online while soliciting sex from a fraudulent online company.

Then he notices a sexy lady jogging on adjoining road of Nehru Park. He wants to talk to her and propose her to be be friends. After she crosses past him, he turns back his cycle back. He starts following her. After getting parallel to her, he says hello to her. She responds and Sid feels that he could go ahead with her next time.

She meets him without any effort. He feels as if he had got his soul mate. He has been wandering on Mall Road. She comes and asks: would you like to join her Sahaj Yoga camp. She says his kundalini is awakened. That is why she has been drawn to him. She is attractive with medium height, lake like deep eyes, good figure and beautiful face.

He follows her to her yoga camp. After taking a seat, Sid starts listening to her. Her name is Anupriya. The biggest thing is forgiveness, she is speaking. The abode of forgiveness is brain. The brain is the uppermost part of human body having three energies or power centre. If one mediates upon it, he or she gets the boon of forgiveness.

Budha and Mahavir are seated in both sides of brain. Jesus Christ is in the middle. Krishna is primordial energy of vaani or voice. Anupriya speaks like pontiff. But Sid is catching the sexual energy she has been emitting. She has met him accidentally without any apparent reason. But existence act in that random way. All our life is making of existence but we think we are doing.

Anupriya keeps on speaking: Don’t worry about past or future. Thinking about futures and past is futile activity as both don’t exist. They are creations of our mind. Only present is the reality. Present is power and it is life force. It is only real.

Present is infinite. It never passes and never ceases. It is cause and effect of bliss. It is God and soul both. Those who live in present are only true sons and daughters of God. It is for this reason God’s one moment is infinite because present is the abode of God.

The Sahaj Yoga camp concludes with Anupriya declaring her love for all present. She drops Sid nearby location of his residence. The brief encounter with her appears as if they have known each other since ages. Few hours seem to be stretching to infinity. Is it love or passion, Sid wonders randomly.

Next day, he texts to Anupriya: I have got my soul mate. You are my soul mate. You are everything to me: you are my goddess, friend, lover, beloved and sister. You are my world.

She replies: It happens if you love everybody, everybody starts loving.

What she means is platonic love not carnal one. Sid takes it in latter sense.

Sid sends whatsup message to her: A strange thing is happening to me. Whenever I mediate on goddess then you emerge from her. I mediate on your legs, inner thighs, vagina and breast and face. Is it right or wrong?

Her reply does not come for some time. Sid thinks he has succeeded in entrapping her into his design. He starts fantasizing…. He would go to her place…he would tell her he was unable to mediate upon her. She must show her natural state, without any dress. Then he would take her naked body into his arms and……… .

Then her message comes: It is wrong. It is not meditation but projection of desire. First control your desires and sense objects.

‘But desires arises by defaults, Sid argues.

‘ No you invite them, she hits back, desiring the sense objects, to have interest in these and put your ego in these. To think that everything happens as per your whims and fancies is desire’.

She becomes silent for some time. Then she says: ‘it is existence that provides us everything. Whatever existence gives, we must accept it. For we impose our will, desire and ego on these. Even your will or desire emanates from existence. Don’t bring your ego between these things and events happening in consolidated way. Don’t believe that it is happening for you. It is happening despite of you and us. Have faith and it would fulfill you desires. Just be observer that is your real self’.

Ever since then Sid has surrendered himself to the existence. Whatever he gets he accepts and whatever he does not get he never complains. He accepts pros and cons with equanimity. He realizes that desires are never satiated. One satiated desire give rise to multiple and it keeps on going on and on. Infinite is the desires and it is sort of vicious circle.

***

Sid is now in 60s. He falls headlong in love with a girl in her 20s. She is massager in nearby massage and spa parlor. His yogic session of controlling desire is rendered ineffective. He does not try to control desire and desire controls him. If they come he allows them to come. He just tries to be separate from the desire. Desire comes and goes, but he remains.

Is it love or lust in guise of love? How many times one can fall in love? If love is lust then it could be any number of times! It is said men and women falls in love only once and afterward all love are just repetition of it.

We humans have habit of forming habit of everything. And the habits are mechanical and are based on reflex. Love and sex also seem to have become habit for some.

Sid has fallen prey to this habit of love and sex. Particularly, after he comes to know about his wife having affair with someone. First time when he goes for revenge sex, It is very gratifying. It does not matter that it has been very low key and tepid affair. But the satisfaction that he gets has been just immense.

Sid knows that his wife has taken lover openly after he decided to change his gender. She seems to have taken him as her rival or saut, woman. Thence has started everything. It has begun from where he has ended and ended it from where it has begun. Life seems to have become circular for him.

The end and beginning seems to have become one and the same even though they appear different. The end of love and relations with wife leads to many love and sex encounters. Is it end of love or beginning of many loves? It depends on how it is viewed! Had she not taken lover, Sid would have stuck to her. The life would have become routine and boring with her.

Sid would have been stuck up in the loveless marriage. There has never been love between them. It has always been sex game in garb of love. Even his wife used to perceive it in that way. She used to say it: ‘half an hour affairs.’ Their marriage has been a rationalized compromise. She was spurned by her ex lover who refused to marry her. Sid could not marry the girl he loved as she was hooked up with other guy.

Theirs have been compromised relations from very beginning. But it seems to be case in every sort of relationship. Relationship is based on compromise. If seen from larger perspective, compromise is itself grounded on love and feeling of oneness with whom compromise is made with. If it is not so, none would have made compromise. Our ego, our self sheds its rigidity and one-upmanship when one makes compromise with other. One does not make compromise with stranger. Even if one does it is out of love or for love.

Sid feels a bit elevated after seeing positive aspect of compromise. Otherwise compromise is considered as negative value. Its negativity is product of ego. Ego never accommodates others as it considers other as very negation of its existence.

Likewise Sid makes compromise by falling in love or lust or both with a lady massager, Priya. She works in Montra Spa. He meets her in one evening when he goes for massage. He feels very passionate and want to make love. But as he is very much tired as he has done extensive cycling, he is unable to make love with her. But he falls in love with her.

Better try next time, Priya says and they part company

Next day he goes to meet her. But Priya is busy. He meets Neha. She is as good and lovely as Priya. Nice boobs, slim figure, attractive face and charming eyes. After massage and body to body to body to massage, they make love .

It happens more often than not that Sid falls in love or lust with every woman he meets. This has been dormant but after his wife infidelity, it has come out in open. Yesterday it has been Priya, today it is Neha. As if it is not enough, he covets every woman he happens to see during normal course of day to day life.

Is it normal in such advanced age of 60s? Sid often wonders. Or he is compensating for sexual deprivation he suffers from his over possessive and over jealous wife! Or deprivation of sex during period of pandemic and general lockdown has something to do? For two years, no sex, no love and not even touching and kissing.

Sid desperate pent up sexuality caused by pandemic has put him on love and sex spree. The wife infidelity and denying him conjugal right has added fuel to fire. He has tried to make love with two young girls of a college he was alumni. But of no avail as these youngs did not allow to go beyond kissing and hugging . He had thought he would make threesome with them. How novice he was! He realized later on when both fled away in panic.

These superfluous love encounters has left Sid restless. In evening he goes to Neha place. She is a divorcee and living with her sister, who is beautician.

After making love with her, he puts a proposal before her to be his live in partner. She agrees and they go to a big restaurant to have good dinner. But she becomes very emotional when Sid makes a proposal. She tells how her marriage broke and her husband deserted her after her daughter was born.

Her husband was technician in a hospital. He never wanted her to work in spa and massage industry. He knew massage and spa work ultimately lead to sex. She tried to convince him that she only did massage, but he never believed.

To confirm and confront her with hard evidence, he sent his friend as decoy customer to her massage parlor. The decoy asked for Neha services. She never suspected that he was her husband’s man. He was sort of detective. He came like usual customer. He placed special request for Neha. She got elated thinking he might have come earlier and satisfied with her services.

She began with usual massage. Dry or oil, she asked. ‘Let it be dry, he replied. Then she proposed body to body and full service. He agreed without making any bargaining.

When she reached home in late evening, all hell broke loose. Her husband chucked her out from his home next morning. She went to live with her parents. Then her baby was hardly one year old.

Sid assures her that he would have no problem with her career and professional hazard that a massager is subjected to. But question remains: will he accept her as partner and wife who is having sexual relations with other. If he has no problem, then he should have no problem with her legal wife.

***

Life has been going smoothly. Every weekend Sid would go to meet Neha. They would go around places and have dinner. Then they would go to their hired one room apartment to make love.

They were having problem to find suitable place for making love. Sid rented a well furnished one room studio flat in the nearby locality. Every weekend they would arrive at this flat and would live together in weekends.

Then one day Neha disappears.

It has been beginning of the weekend. Sid has been feeling horny. He has many plans for outings and recreations. He goes to their hired studio flat. He finds something amiss. Things are not as usual. Neha dresses and toiletries are missing.

Sid rings her up. She is out of coverage area. He tries many times but same result. He has been waited there whole day and night. But she did not come. She just disappeared.

Epilogue

Sid sticks to his loveless marriage for the sake of children. The wife has taken lover so does he , courting many women, sleeping with a half a dozen and one night stand with a dozen. Instead of ruing and spending time and money on divorce and its cumbersome process, he accepts the infidelity and extra-marital affairs of his wife. He pays back in same coin, tit for tat. He is neither happy nor unhappy. He accepts life as it is.

One day while making love with Chandani, he finds that he is suffering from erectile dysfunction. He could not make love with penetration. But he does not give in to such debilitating eventuality. He takes Viagra and other pills to boost his sexuality. And he moves on.

Then he meets a Chinese girl on Twitter. She shows that she is impressed with him for his ideas. She gives her whatsup no and takes his. Their love begins on social media and flounders on it.

[11:53 PM, 4/7/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: This is my personal number

[10:11 AM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Ok.

[10:14 AM, 4/8/2022] Sid: That was official number perhaps. what is your occupation.

[2:11 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Hi Baby

[4:42 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I've introduced myself on Twitter. I trade clothing and I'm also a senior cryptocurrency analyst

[4:42 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: How many years have you been writing

[5:58 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: For 10 years

[5:59 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Great. How old are you now? You must have accumulated a lot of work

[6:00 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Writing is my passion and cause for living, apart beautiful, smart and sexy girls like you.

But You have made me mad and fall in love with you.

Don't blame me, you are so beautiful n sexy that I cannot help

[6:01 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: I am in late 40s n you ?

[6:02 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: I am driving and talk to you after I reach home.

[6:10 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Be safe and drive carefully. I'm 31

[6:11 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Ok Babe ❤️

[8:38 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Hi

[8:39 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Send some sexy pics of yours.

[9:47 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'd rather see your hometown dollars first

[9:49 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Do you like hairy dollar? I have got hairy body n dollar. I hope it won't scare you

[9:50 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: All the writers in India are like you?

[9:51 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'm not a casual woman, and this is going to piss me off

[9:52 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: What is hometown dollar? I might have taken it otherwise.

[9:54 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: You are not casual you are very intelligent and empowered.

[9:55 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'd rather see the beauty of your hometown first

[10:02 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Ok

[11:18 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Now send your sizzling pics

[11:21 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: You look very handsome, and you are a strong man. I like men with self-discipline. I think we can get along very happily

[11:22 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Great babe. I love u n your pics

[11:24 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Are you visiting my place

[11:25 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Thank you

[11:25 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Do you live alone?

[11:26 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Yeah.

[11:26 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Don't you get lonely? I feel lonely when I am alone

[11:26 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Me too

[11:26 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Are you alone right now

[11:27 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Did you buy your own house?

[11:27 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I live with my parents because I can take better care of them

[11:27 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Yeah. I have got own house.

[11:27 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: How much does an apartment cost in your area? I'm also investing in real estate.

[11:29 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: The flat I own cost Rs 10000000 , ( 1 crore) 10 million Rs

[11:29 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: And u

[11:29 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Are you on bed?

[11:31 PM, 4/8/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: So cheap, I invested 11 million in two houses in Singapore, but the annual interest rate is only 2%

[11:31 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Do you go to bed in night dress or without any 👗

[11:34 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Your pics have turned me on. I am going to fantasize you and sleep. Plz come in my dream

[11:42 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: Great. You take care of ur parents. They are our living god.

[11:44 PM, 4/8/2022] Sid: I am estranged with my wife. But I take care of my two kids. Even though I feel like living alone with them

[1:05 AM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Please don't do this, I think you are a writer will be a little more gentlemanly, we have only known each other for two days, do not want to care about the development of so close, good relationship is slow

[11:10 AM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Ok।

[11:12 AM, 4/9/2022] Sid: I will take care. But you are so beautiful I could not have control over myself.

[4:43 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good morning 🌞

[4:43 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Good Morning.

[4:44 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Just like you, you wake up to find the sun is brighter today than it was yesterday

[4:45 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: In our place it is getting evening.

[4:47 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: You've got some cool riding gear,

[4:47 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I like a man who likes sports

[4:47 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: .thanks. while riding I was missing you much

Send your morning fresh pic. I guess you must have become more sexy

[4:48 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Thanks

[4:48 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Beautiful ❤️

[4:49 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I also like riding so that I can see the scenery along the road, I think it is very enjoyable

[4:49 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Have you noticed yourself in my eyes. I love you.

[4:50 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: This was before the pandemic, and I loved traveling the world on my motorcycle

[4:50 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Wow. You are looking like riding queen

[4:51 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: You look more like an Indian prince, a writer with a gift for sports

[4:52 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Did you sleep well last night? ☺️

[4:52 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Great. It's BMW dream machine. You have got nice riding gear and you are

[4:53 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: How could one sleep well alone.

[4:54 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Did you sleep well.

[4:54 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Ac mechanic has come

[4:58 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I didn't sleep well last night, and my ex-boyfriend kept calling and harassing me

[4:59 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: So I only slept three or four hours

[5:22 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Oh poor Baby! But ex is ex . He would make you restless

[5:29 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I was really wrong about him. I used to come from a very poor family. After graduating from college, I entered a financial group through my efforts. Then I got into cryptocurrencies. It's changed my life now and my family's life. After a while, I met my ex-boyfriend.

[5:30 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: He is a very poor man. I work for a financial group and have access to a lot of internal cryptocurrency news, so I bring him along to make money. I wanted our lives to be better, but I was wrong

[5:30 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: My ex-boyfriend made money and left me. He fell in love with another woman and betrayed me, and I've been in love with him for three years, and we went from poor to rich, but he still left, and now he's back harassing me

[5:32 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: . It happens. Just tell him to shut up

Block his no. And make friendship with other guy

[5:33 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: You are young. You need some boyfriend. But don't go for ex

Once a cheater always a cheater.

[5:38 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about sad things with you. We should be talking about happy things

[5:38 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Thank you for listening to my sad things, I feel much better now

[5:42 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: You are smart and beautiful. Go for rich guy, not poor. As poor will ditch you.

You can talk to me anything. I am for you

[5:54 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: If life is not because of dribs and drabs, will it be looking forward to every morning and evening

[5:55 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I fell in love with him is also a good man, but now it has changed, I dare not love again, if I meet a man AGAIN I can not guarantee that he will love me forever

[5:58 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Everyone has sad corner in their life. You talked about your personal affair because you consider me as friend. Thanks for it

Even I have sad corner. My wife is having affair with someone. I could not divorce her because of kids. So I am stuck up in sad situation. But never mind I have friends like you. And I go for one night stand when I feel. This is life.

[6:00 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Thank you for telling me, I feel sad for you

[6:01 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: But I'm not a one-night stand kind of woman, I want long-term comfort, heart with emotional pay real action

[6:01 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I think you're an ambitious, kind, wonderful man, and that woman doesn't cherish you

[6:32 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: I am also not one night stand type. I want long term relationship. That is why I have become your friend. But you are so far away.

[6:39 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: I also ride bike but my bike is not BMW but Indian make. I prefer riding bike than driving car. Cycling I love it.

[6:39 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: This is my bike.

[6:44 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: It is very cool, The quality of Indian motorcycle is very good in the world, we often see on TV, The various skills of Indian riding, the various functions of motorcycle, I think it reflects more suitable for me

[6:45 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: It's very cool bike Five gear 125 cc. I love it. Can we go for world tour on bike

[6:46 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I think no distance is as long as two hearts are together, because hearts are already together. I go to India twice or three times a year, and I will arrive in India on the 25th of next month to attend a conference on cryptocurrency

[6:48 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Oh great. Them I willl meet you and we shall have nice time. We can gor to hills on bike. I have two real estate in hills.

[6:48 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I always have this dream, but no one is willing to accompany me, many people think THAT I do so is very difficult to understand, they always want to lie in bed or sofa at home, I always want to go out to have a person to accompany me to see the beauty along the way, someone to share with me, I think it is very happy

[6:49 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: How many days you will be staying and which city you are coming, New Delhi?

[6:50 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Yes, I will first arrive in New Delhi and stay there for about 10 days. Then I will go to Mumbai to meet my family and stay there for a few days. This is the plan in my mind and I didn't tell anyone

[6:52 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I plan to take a week to finish my work, and then spend the rest of my time visiting more and better places in India

[6:53 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Great. I am in New Delhi. We can go on driving to Hills. And stay there for some time.

You have family in Mumbai. Thats great. Now I have shifted to New Delhi from Mumbai. My brother is there.

Great. We shall have nice time.

[6:54 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: I will accompany you.

[6:59 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Yes, one of my brother in oil business investment there, every time I go there his family invited me to go there, but they are always very busy no time to take me to beautiful places in India, so I'd love to, before so many opportunities I didn't go because I am a girl dare not to run around, if this time to get your company, I thought I would have fun with no worries, let alone with a writer

[7:26 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: In New Delhi I will be there with you. I can stay in Mumbai with you and enjoy time together. In New Delhi we can do biking and driving if you like.

[7:27 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: If you say I can go along with you to Mumbai as well. I will have gala time together

[7:33 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What about your children? Do they live in Mumbai or New Delhi

[7:34 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Then I can also meet these two lovely children, what is your plan for their future, no matter what your family reason is, please give your children more care, do not let them feel lonely

[7:36 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: They are in New Delhi. Son is in hostel in Bihar, daughter is with me in New Delhi. Wife is also staying with her. We are staying together for kids. There is no relation with her.

We can stay at hotel or go to hills.

We shall go to beautiful places. Since it's summer time we shall go to Haimalyas,

[7:48 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Why is your son staying in a hostel

[8:00 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Because he is doing medical course and he could get admission outside Delhi n Mumbai. And he has to stay in hostel.

[8:11 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Cool, you will have a great son, you are an excellent father, doctor is a sacred profession, can save more suffering helpless people

[8:15 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Yes. I am taking care of them. Son is going to be doctor n daughter preparing for law. I love them n bacuse of them i not taking divorce with wife. Once they settle, I would seperate.

[8:21 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: ❤️👍❤️❤️

[8:21 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Life is unpredictable. There is every possibility that a man could love you forever and won't cheat you. You should not loose hope. Not all men or women are same. After I came to know my wife is cheating , I was shocked like you. But I have not lost faith on woman. Not all women or men are alike.

[8:21 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I like such a responsible person, such a man is reliable, can be counted as a man

[8:22 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Thanks.

[8:22 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I agree with you and thank you for your guidance

[8:23 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: 👍❤️

[8:24 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Thanks.❤️

[8:27 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'm going to leave for a while. I'm going to prepare some snacks. Today is the weekend and I'm going to visit the children in the welfare home

[8:29 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Great. You are very kind and lovely girl. You will certainly find a man who love you forever.

[8:43 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Life is full of surprises. You never know what you will get. But whatever you get is worth cherishing. Every day is new and enjoy it. Don't think it from yesterday point or future one. Life is just is: present. Past is dead and future not come. Only present is there. Enjoy.

[9:52 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I like your words very much, as expected like a great writer ❤️❤️

[9:53 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I brought them Chinese snacks

[10:30 PM, 4/9/2022] Sid: Great. You are very kind and lovely girl. The soul of these kids will bless you and you will get all that you want. 💕

[11:45 PM, 4/9/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I like children very much, I want to take care of them especially the children abandoned by their parents or the children without parents, they are in any corner of the world, their heart grievance they can not say, they should be cared for

[4:02 AM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Great. You are so so good. Children are like god and those who love n care them are also godly

I love 💕 you for it. ,❤️

[9:08 AM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Cycling amid beauty of Nature and missing you -- my ultimate beauty

[5:30 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good morning. How did you sleep last night

[5:55 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Good Morning. It was good . What about you?

[5:58 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: How was your night

[5:58 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Send your morning fresh pic

[6:08 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Have you been out cycling again

[6:09 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Yeah baby. Looking gorgeous as fresh as morning

[6:11 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Which city would you most like to visit?

[6:11 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Great. As fresh as morning

[6:11 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Any city that you like to visit.

[6:13 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: But I like to visit city located on mountains or sea sides

[6:14 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: And you? Which city you would like to visit

[6:17 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: In fact, I have always wanted to go to Iceland to see the northern lights, but it is boring to go alone. If two people go together, it will be romantic. If there is a chance, we can go to Iceland to see the northern lights

[6:17 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Do you feel beautiful? I think two people walking hand in hand on the northern Lights lake, is a very happy and romantic thing!

[6:18 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: I would love to go

[6:19 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: You and me walking hand to hand would be romantic. We should visit there if get chance.

[6:21 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: It's beautiful and like dreamland

[6:38 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I like to go outside to see a different world to release my mood. Traveling can relax my mood

[7:19 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Yeah. Traveling is very soothing. It gives new perspective to life and you can think afresh

[7:35 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Sorry, I just answered the phone my bestie asked me out to dinner, I feel very embarrassed

[7:57 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: What happened. You don't want to go or not sure of your feelings. Enjoy baby every moment and opportunities that life give you.

[8:22 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I made a lot of money by teaching her to invest in cryptocurrency, so she said she would treat me to dinner to thank me, I felt embarrassed, because we friends should help each other

[8:23 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Thats great👍

[8:27 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Hahaha, I put on my makeup and I'll talk to you later

[8:28 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: Enjoy 😊

[8:36 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Am I dressed nicely today? Ha ha ~

[8:53 PM, 4/10/2022] Sid: You are looking beautiful. Plz send full size pic

[9:41 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: thank you

[9:41 PM, 4/10/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Bestie picked me up, and now we're going to dinner

[6:57 AM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Looking very beautiful and sexy

[10:17 AM, 4/11/2022] Sid: I meant you .

[5:30 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: You disappear every time

[5:44 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: I went to sleep last night. Then I went to airport to drop my son as he was going hostel after spending a week with us

How was dinner party?

[6:06 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Yesterday, I ate a Japanese cake. It was great. Today, my girlfriend asked me to go to the mall

[7:51 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Great enjoy. This is what life is for enjoyment

[8:02 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What do you think of this watch?

[8:06 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Because it's my mom's birthday in two days and I also happen to have made some money in cryptocurrency, I want to send her some gifts

[8:06 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Very good. After all it's Rolex. Great gift for your mother.👍

[8:09 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I think this watch is more elegant, and the price is not too expensive, it is more suitable for my mother to wear, can you give me some suggestions?

[8:10 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: You show up, and I feel like you're a man who can protect me, because I feel like I can relate to you

[8:10 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: It's simple but elegant and it would suit to your mother

[8:11 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Ok, thanks for your advice

[8:12 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Same here. You care for me and your love is giving new meaning to my life.

[8:13 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: ❤️❤️

[8:13 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'll go shopping with my girlfriends, and we'll talk when I get home

[8:21 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Ok. 💕❤️💓

[9:49 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What are you doing, writer

[9:50 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Working on half finished novel and giving tit for tat on Twitter

[9:51 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Back from shopping Babe! Send your full size pic

[10:01 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What are you talking about

[10:02 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Just I want to see what was your dress

[10:04 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Wo great💓

[10:04 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: And show me your writing environment

[10:14 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: You really need a woman to help you clean up,

[10:14 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Let me help you clean it up

[10:17 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Yeah. I don't have woman despite having wife. Your help is needed.

My life needs cleaning.

[10:20 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What attracts you the most about me?

[10:22 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Your beauty, sex appeal, intelligence, entrepreneurship, your love for outdoor

[10:22 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: And what attracts you about me?

[10:27 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: As I said, I like a writer, I think it's more intellectual, I like a person with culture, and I also like India, there are so many beautiful places I haven't been to

[10:30 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Thanks Baby. Love you 💕

[10:34 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: The best three days in the world are the day with you and me when you and I become us

[10:34 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I hope that at this age of understanding feelings, I can meet you who understand feelings, maintain and cherish each other

[10:55 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Our relationship has been ordained by Existence and life. You n me would become us when we meet. Our Soul has become one and that is all. Body would follow.

[10:57 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Going downstairs to feed dogs.

[10:58 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: In his heart empty for a long time, there is such a person touched my heart, if you can, I would rather not have, or I forget the pain, leaving only for the future

[10:58 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Let me see it. I love little animals

[11:11 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: They are street dogs. I will show you tomorrow.

[11:14 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: My heart is big, but it has remained empty for long. With chance virtual meeting it has been filled half. Rest will be filled when you and me become us.

[11:20 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Good night. Have a sweet dream

[11:21 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good night. See you tomorrow

[11:21 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Ok Babe.

[11:22 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good night and sweet dreams

[11:22 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: 💓

[11:22 PM, 4/11/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Let me know tomorrow if you dream about me tonight

[11:23 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: Ok. Certainly. I will tell.

[11:25 PM, 4/11/2022] Sid: You will come like question and will become answer.

Good Night

[6:56 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good morning,

[6:57 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Honey, I dreamed about you last night

[7:11 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: Good morning. I dreamt about you

[7:11 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: I am driving. Will talk to you when reached home.

[7:14 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Drive safely. What did you dream I did in your dream

[8:00 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: I made love with you while riding bike in jungle or forest.

What you dreamt about ?

[8:04 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I dreamed that I went to your city, we bought a villa on the beach, we planted flowers together, I cook Chinese dish for you, you are very considerate to me, we walked hand in hand on the sunset beach, and then we gave birth to a lovely mixed-race daughter, can be angry is not finished, my mother woke me up

[8:04 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: Great dream. Love you for that

[8:05 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Honey, when you show up, I feel like you're a man who can protect me, because I feel like I can relate to you

[8:05 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: Sure honey. I can also relate to you

[8:08 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I don't know what's gonna happen to us, but I'm a one-woman woman, and when I like someone, no one can replace me, okay

[8:15 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Honey, do you hope this dream will come true?

[8:19 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: Yeah baby. We shall make it true. Dreams are what we want. So it will come true.

[8:21 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: None will replace you. when you will become mine, I won't need any other woman. You have all that any woman can have.

[8:27 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: My dream is to make a lot of money and then go where we want to go with my lover and do what we want to do so that our family can live a better life. I also want to have a mixed-race daughter

[8:27 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: In Singapore and China, women usually stay at home to take care of their husband and children. If it is possible, they will have their own career. In Singapore, men have their own career, and they will take care of all the expenses of the family

[8:30 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: You come India and settle in India and make lot of money. We can also have base in Singapore . I have no problem.

[10:07 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Honey, I just went to see a charity project,

[10:07 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: So I left for a while

[10:09 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I want to build a house by the sea in India, what do you think, what are the requirements of the government to build a house locally

[10:24 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: I will enquire as to what is process . I will ask my brother. You have to purchase land and build house. About foreigner I don't have idea. But they could purchase for business purposes. Iam not sure . I will ask my bro.

[10:25 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: How much do you think it will cost us to accomplish this goal there

[10:26 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: It's good that you want to build a house by the sea. I will help you.

[10:27 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I think you are a responsible, motivated, filial, will help me to share the pressure of life, together with the rest of the man

[10:28 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: At least 10 to 20 million Indian rupees. It depends on area. Mumbai is very costly. But some other states not so costly.

[10:32 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: About one million RMB

[10:32 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I think we can buy a bigger piece of land

[10:33 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: B: Only about two million RMB. Isn't it too small?

[10:33 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: You are right. Like intelligent woman you could judge any man. I am of very helping nature. I dont know how many guys I have helped.

[10:34 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I am a very enterprising woman, I hope my partner is the same, he will be considerate of my hard work, will also support my work, I hope he will have a good plan for our future

[10:35 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: Let me ask my bro and he would check and tell exact money.

[10:36 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: I will help you. But you have to guide me as I don't have much idea about business and entrepreneurship.

[10:36 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: I will be considerate and supportive.

[10:42 PM, 4/12/2022] Sid: I am all yours honey. Don't worry on that account.

Now is my time to go to bed all alone with your thought.

Let's dream that our dreams come true. Good night Sweety 💕

[10:44 PM, 4/12/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I will always be by your side, good night, good night

[8:21 AM, 4/13/2022] Sid: Good night Honey. I know you love me as much as I love you. You are my soul mate whom I have been searching since ages.,,❤️

[5:37 PM, 4/13/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good morning. How did you sleep last night

[5:41 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: Good Morning.sleep was missing you. then it came with dream of making love with you at beach, we are alone at the beach. we use our bike for cover and under the cover of bike we made a passionate love. what about you how was the sleep last night

[5:43 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: send your morning fresh pic in full size

[6:00 PM, 4/13/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Honey, I'm putting together some data, and I'm going to a very important confidential currency meeting that I've been preparing for for three months

[6:01 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: Best of luck. come with flying colors.

[7:13 PM, 4/13/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Honey, I'm at a meeting

[9:56 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: It's online meeting or offline or hybrids

[10:16 PM, 4/13/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: The meeting is over

[10:22 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: Great.

[10:23 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: You are satisfied with outcome of meeting.

[10:24 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: What next?

[10:25 PM, 4/13/2022] Sid: It's my bed time

Good night and please do come in my dreams 💋

[10:28 PM, 4/13/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I just came out of the meeting, and I even felt a little dizzy, but it doesn't matter, we've got some good news, and I'm going to share it with you now

[10:50 PM, 4/13/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Dear, I learned through the meeting in Hong Kong, Singapore, Japan's big three financial institutions to jointly issued a new encryption Asian currency called xn, I know xn by meeting in three months is expected to rise to several times or more, but they are now in the stage of internal subscription financial institutions at the invitation of the code is needed to buy, it is a great pleasure for me to get the invitation code, His issue price was 0.03. However, I need time to confirm its security and reliability. My team and I will observe xn in these days. Once we confirm his security and reliability, I will share it with you, because I think you are an honest and reliable person.

[7:51 AM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Thanks Baby for sharing information. I am novice and upstart in crypto currency . I am just hearing these things from you. But you are sharing these things means you trust and love me. This means a lot for me. You will keep on growing. Best of luck. Love ❣️ you.

[7:55 AM, 4/14/2022] Sid: I am working on my new novel that is about one lady and gentleman who tries to change their respective gender and it is about them.

After meeting you and falling in love you my creativity has found new dimension. You have become my muse.

[8:01 AM, 4/14/2022] Sid: My work environment

[5:29 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Now I realize how much jet lag affects us

[5:31 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I will tell you how to download the complaint after today's meeting

[6:21 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'm going to get a facial, do a yoga class later, and go to a cryptocurrency conference this afternoon

[6:21 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What are your plans for today, dear

[6:27 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Great. Mine is gone for cycling in morning. Then to office……

[6:42 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Cool, you're the best, honey,

[6:43 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'm gonna go do yoga, but I'll text you later, but leave me a picture, honey

[6:47 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Send yoga pics honey. On way to home. Biking

[7:41 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Send more pics honey. Got very beautiful legs.❤️💋

[7:52 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: What do you care about is how I look, you pervert

[7:57 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Its not perversion if one praises face and figure and legs. If I praise your face, it's not perversion how can praising other body parts could be perversion ? I am unable to understand.

[7:59 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: If it's perversion to praise legs as per your concept , I won't praise. This is red flagged.

[8:00 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I think loving someone also has these translations

[8:00 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Are you home now

[8:01 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Yes.

[8:01 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I have to go back and prepare the materials for the meeting

[8:02 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Waiting for my good news, I am looking forward to the two of us together to complete a thing

[8:04 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Great. It's part of love

If I love you that I do, your everything is beautiful.

[8:05 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: ❤️

[8:05 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Prepare for meeting. We are incomplete. When we meet and become one, it would be completed.

[8:06 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: ❤️. Best of luck for meeting

[8:15 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Yes, so I believe in fate

[8:16 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I will contact you later. I will prepare the data file first

[8:35 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: 👍

[9:56 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Dear, NOW I am on my way to a meeting, I hope you can stay with me more without going to bed so early tonight

[10:43 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Oh honey. I am feeling sleepy. I will stay with you in my dream. I go early to bed and wake up early.

Good Night

[10:53 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Dear, after I and our team's analysis and finishing, we agreed that xn is worth to investment, profit and his profit space is very large, I want you to witness the growth of xn together with me, but you are not in Europe cannot directly buy xn, you need to Asia by chain block encryption to buy currency trading platform, You need to use your European cryptocurrency trading platform. First, you need to register a European cryptocurrency account belonging to you

[10:55 PM, 4/14/2022] Sid: Ok

[11:07 PM, 4/14/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Have you ever used another crypto currency wallet before

[5:06 AM, 4/15/2022] Sid: No darling. I don't know anything about it. I have just heard it.

[5:37 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Good morning,

[5:48 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: Good Morning

[5:45 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Did you sleep well last night, dear

[5:45 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I feel so tired after sleeping on it

[5:51 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: yes, i slept well

[5:51 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: if one is tired, sleep follows

[5:52 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: so what was the outcome of the meeting

[5:48 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I'll tell you how to download euroexchange later

[5:48 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: So that was the result of the meeting,

[5:49 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I hope you're not putting me off honey, I'm serious about you

[5:54 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: Ok. i would follow you

[5:55 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: How could i put you off.you have become part of my life. when we are meeting

[5:51 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Ok, I'll get up and have a glass of milk, and then I'll teach you how to download and recharge after I finish my facial. How much do you plan to invest in cryptocurrency for the first time

[5:52 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: But you always sleep and don't spend much time with me

[5:59 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: But now i dont have surplus money to invest, it all sucked up in my son medical education and real estate i invested. it would take one year to have some money.

[5:55 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: There's no way I didn't pay hundreds of dollars

[5:56 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: The first time you're doing it, you need to get used to the process, you know how to invest and you know how to make money and then you decide how much to invest

[5:56 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: I suggest you get around $100 to $500 for the first time

[6:03 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: but that i could do after meeting you. right now i am interested only in you.

[6:03 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: i am driving

[6:11 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: https://www.binance.com/

[6:13 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Download and register it

[7:00 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: Ok

[7:06 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Got it?

[8:04 PM, 4/15/2022] Sid: No honey! I am damn busy. My publisher has given me ultimatum to finish my novel within three months. I am busy in that. I have to go to my work station . Bye

[8:07 PM, 4/15/2022] zixin 2 Hong Kong: Ok, bye.

Sid doubt is confirmed she was a trap. These all hypes and hoopla about love and partner was for making him invest in crypto currency. But Sid did not want to involve in risky venture of cypto as it is not legal tender as yet.

After online love fiasco with Chinese girl, Sid takes a resolution of not dating online. Offline is tangible and online is virtual and unreliable. It is better to go for tangible and certain things. Those who neglect certain and go for uncertain, they lose certain while uncertain is uncertain.

Real is real, virtual is virtual. Real always leads to reality. But virtual may not result into reality and tangibility. Life and relationship are real, not virtual. A virtual world could not do justice to real world. Even if the life and its relationship are dream like: they look real while happening. Once they are gone, gone like dream.

After all life is long dream. When one wakes up, everything is gone like one wakes up from dream.

One should live the life like a dream.

The End

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