First and foremost, I bow with gratitude to Lord Ram Jai Shree Ram!
I extend my heartfelt thanks to you, the reader, for choosing to spend your time with my words. Your presence here means more than you know.
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Someone once rightly said, things in life don’t come with a warning. Something similar happened with me too. When I came to Bhopal for the first time, for my college, I was really happy. I wanted to study law, and finally, I had gotten into my college.It had only been six months since I came to Bhopal, but slowly I started feeling a bit bored. Still, I had a different kind of excitement about college. But I didn’t want to make too many friends. I already had some experience with college life and knew that sometimes, friendships could end up hurting you. That’s why I spoke less with the girls, and not at all with the boys.Days kept passing by, like in a slow sleep. I was living in a single room. To pass time, I studied a little, talked to my siblings, and spent most of the time waiting for food — because the tiffin guy always took too long. Sometimes, I had to call him ten times.
Once in a while, I’d talk to my school friends. I never ignored my school friends — and how could I? We had spent our childhood together. We all studied in Jawahar Navodaya Vidyalaya, so ignoring them was out of the question.
Everything was going fine until one day, suddenly, I felt like making a Facebook account. To this day, I don’t know why I made it. Anyway, about seven or eight days later, I got a message — a “Hello” from someone named Tejas Poddar. I saw it and ignored it.A few days later, I got a call from home. Something my mom said disturbed me a bit. In that emotional turmoil, I just started scrolling through my phone — basically, using it for no reason. During that, I opened Facebook and saw Tejas Poddar’s message still lying there. This time, I replied — “Hello."
He replied — “Were you from JNV? Which batch?” I started wondering, who is this? I checked his profile and saw that he was from JNV too, and also studied at Dakshana. Seeing that reminded me of Raghav from my class. Raghav was really good in studies, but for some reason, he couldn’t clear NEET, and later joined the agriculture college at BHU.
On Tejas’s profile, I also saw that he had written PMCH. I thought, let me just ask him what happened with Raghav in NEET. So I asked, “Did you study at Dakshana?” He replied, “Yes.” Then I asked, “Which JNV batch were you from?” I said, “2012.” He replied, “I’m from 2013.”We exchanged a few light messages, and then he asked for my number. I hesitated — should I give it or not? But then I thought, he’s from school, how can I not? And I gave it — 856742@
After that, I closed Facebook.
That evening, when I stepped out to buy something, I got a message on WhatsApp — “Hello, I’m Tejas.” I saved his number.
That same evening, while I was walking through my lane, a guy started saying something weird to me after seeing me. I understood what he meant, but I ignored it and quickly walked towards my room. Once I reached my room, I felt really low.
These days, the easiest way to show sadness or happiness is through a status update. So I put up a sad emoji on WhatsApp. A lot of people replied, but the one I was reading closely was Tejas.
He messaged — “What happened?” I replied — “Nothing.” But I guess he wasn’t satisfied. He called.Seeing the phone ring, I got scared — what would I say? It was the first time I was talking to him. Nervously, I picked up and said, “Hello.” He introduced himself — “I’m Tejas.” I said — “Yes, I know.” He asked — “What happened? Are you okay?”Hearing that felt strange — it was the first time someone had spoken with so much concern. I just said — “No, it’s nothing really.” Then he talked a bit more, and I just kept replying with yes or no. Finally, I said — “Okay, I’ll hang up now.”
That was our first call.
When I heard his voice, something about it pricked me. I’d never heard such a strange voice before.Night came, and I went to sleep. I had class in the morning.The next day at college was celebration day. I had participated in the painting competition.There was going to be a celebration at college. I had participated in the painting competition. That night, the first thing I did was call my friend Satyam to ask what kind of painting I should make. The topic was — Human Trafficking. Satyam made a sketch and sent it to me, saying, “Just make something like this.” I replied, “Okay,” and then went to sleep.As soon as I woke up in the morning, I quickly packed my bag. I put all my colors in, took my brushes, and got ready. We didn’t have to wear uniforms that day, so I wore a black hoodie and blue scratched jeans. With black shoes on and my hair tied in a ponytail, I left for college.As soon as I reached college, I went to my class, where a spot was already fixed for the students who were participating in the painting competition. I sat on a bench by the window. The sunlight was coming in through the window — it felt really nice. The weather was cold, so the sunlight felt even better.Just then, the teacher came into the class and handed everyone an A3-sized sheet for the painting. I got my sheet too and started painting. We were given 30 minutes. I finished the painting quickly and was the first to submit my sheet to the teacher.After 30 minutes, a ma’am called me from behind. I turned around and everyone started saying — “You made it really well!” I just smiled. I don’t know why, but whenever someone praises me, I can’t seem to say anything in return.Then everyone went outside. There was a lot happening outside — dance, music, food stalls. I quickly stepped out. I don’t really enjoy such things at college. I just wanted to go back to my room. It was already evening, around 5 PM.One of my friends, Prerna, asked me, “How will you go? Walking or by vehicle?” I said, “I’ll go on foot.” She said, “Take care.” I replied, “Okay,” and left.I was really tired. My room is about 2.5 kilometers from the college, and I was walking back. It was getting darker. I was just about to reach my room when someone on a scooter came from behind and hit me hard on the back of my head. I put my hand to the back of my head — it hurt badly.I started wondering, “Who could it be? Who would do something like this? Is it someone I know?”I stopped for a bit, waited, thinking maybe it was someone I knew — but the scooter guy didn’t come back.Then I started walking again — what else could I have done? But just then, he took a U-turn.Now I started to feel scared.I was thinking — “Let me see who this guy is.”But he didn’t come in front of me.By then, I was close to my room. As soon as I entered the lane, the scooter guy came up behind me again.Now what could I do? If someone saw, it would become an unnecessary scene.I started walking quickly. He stopped his scooter in front of me and said, “Listen.”I turned around — but I couldn’t see his face clearly.He said to me, “I love you.”I was shocked — “What?”Without any reaction, I just said, “Go away, mind your own business.”He kept saying from behind — “I swear…”I rushed into my room. The guy on the scooter left.Scared, I just sat down on my bed.Without even changing my clothes, I went straight to my bed and sat down. I didn’t even take off my shoes. I leaned my head against the pillow and broke down crying.Just then, suddenly, the phone rang — it was a call from Tejas. I answered, wiped my tears, and without him even asking, I told him everything — what had happened with me that day.Tejas listened carefully, and then simply said, “Then change your room.”But how could I explain to him that my father wouldn’t allow it? He really liked this room.The conversation ended there. I hung up the call and went to sleep.A little while later, he called again. I got up, answered the call, and this time, changed my clothes.On the phone, he didn’t really say anything — I don’t know why. He would just call and stay on the line the whole night. I never even heard his voice; only the sounds of utensils clattering from his side, or sometimes people arguing in the background.My ears would get tired of it, but I never had the courage to say anything — I don’t know why.Even though I’m not like that. I’m actually a pretty mischievous kind of girl. But with him, I just couldn’t say a word.From those noises and arguments, an odd image started forming in my mind — like he lived in a small, messy neighborhood, in a shabby house.That was the image in my head, even though I had never even seen his room.Nor had I ever asked him to show it.One evening, he called me. That’s when he confessed his love. I wasn’t ready for anything like that at all.Tejas told me that he had an exam in two days, and that he should be focusing on his studies — but at that moment, he felt that our relationship was more important.I still remember it clearly — I was standing there, holding a bedsheet in one hand. The lights in my room were off. Darkness filled every corner of the space. I walked over and sat down at the edge of my bed.I told Tejas clearly, “No, I don’t love you.”This was back when neither of us had ever seen each other. We only knew each other’s names, knew which colleges we went to. We hadn’t even met back in school.When I said no, he said to me, with so much arrogance,“What reason could there be to reject me? How can anyone say no to an MBBS student?”Tejas didn’t know me. That’s why he said that.He didn’t know how many MBBS guys I had already said no to —Because I loved my father very much.I didn’t want him to ever be hurt because of me.That’s why I never wanted to get involved in any kind of love affair.But Tejas kept asking, “What is it? Tell me.”I don’t know why, but I couldn’t give him a firm no.Usually, I don’t even look at arrogant guys — but for some reason, I kept listening to him.I told him the reason was my father.He replied, “That’s what I was thinking — how could someone reject me?”Again, that same pride.But I didn’t say anything.I just kept crying while talking to him on the phone.Why I was crying — I still don’t know. The tears just kept falling.I sat there in that dark room, wiping my tears with the bedsheet, and kept listening to him.I just kept drifting deeper into his words.
My exams were just a few days away when Tejas video-called me and said, “Come on, let’s study together on video call.”
It was the first time anyone had ever invited me to study on a video call.
Honestly, I didn’t even want to take the call.
The truth is—I never liked talking on video calls.And more than that—my front camera was broken.Even if I wanted to talk, how could I?Still, for some reason I don’t understand, I answered the call.As soon as I picked up, the first thing I saw on screen was a thick, heavy book.Of course it was thick—he was a medical student after all.Slowly, he turned the camera toward himself.A strange-looking face… a crooked nose… dark complexion… a perpetually annoyed expression.It was the first time I’d seen someone my age look so intimidating.The only thought that came to my mind was—“Oh Lord Govind! What does he look like!”Because I’m a devotee of God, I never used words like ugly.And besides, I’m not so beautiful myself that I could comment on someone else’s looks.But still… that face didn’t sit right with me.His lips, his face—something just felt off.Yet he kept studying. And I just kept watching him.And then… somehow, as I kept looking… he started to look okay.You might laugh at me—but that’s exactly what happened.He really did start to look… fine.After that, our conversations just kept going.He’d video call me, I could see him—but he couldn’t see me.One day he said, “Show me your face.”I told him, “My phone’s broken.”He said, “Then put a mirror behind you and show me your face that way.”
I refused.
I said, “You’ll see me when you come meet me in person.”Then a while later, I said, “Okay wait, I’ll show you my face.”Where my shadow was falling on the wall, I turned the camera toward that wall and said,“This is what I look like.”I don’t know what he thought after seeing my shadow.Maybe he thought—“How silly she is.”Or—“What a fool.”Or maybe—“She’s adorable.”It could’ve been anything.But I don’t know what he was thinking.And I can’t tell you either.That’s how the two of us would spend hours talking.Though we barely talked—it was more about just being there for each other.From his side, I used to hear strange sounds—clattering utensils, arguments.But I never had the courage to ask him anything.We stayed on the phone all night.He would stay awake, and I would fall asleep.Because he barely spoke—so I’d drift off…And he… would just silently stay awake.Tejas had studied at the Dakshina Foundation, and he’d completed his medical degree through the same institute. That’s why he’d been invited to an award ceremony hosted by the foundation—somewhere in Maharashtra, I think. Since Bhopal wasn’t too far from there, he had told me, “I’ll stop by to meet you on the way back.”Some of his friends were with him too. I didn’t know all their names, but one of them was studying engineering—maybe his name was Roshan. He was traveling with Tejas.While they were on the train, Tejas and I were talking over the phone.In the middle of the conversation, he once again brought up his love proposal.I told him very clearly, “I don’t want to get into all this.”What happened after that—I’m still not sure.Maybe he cried a lot.Then he disconnected the call.I called him back. But this time, someone else picked up.They said, “He doesn’t want to talk to you. He’s sleeping.”I hung up the phone.To this day, I don’t know who had answered that call.A little later, I tried calling again.This time, Tejas answered himself. But his voice was cold—sharp, filled with anger.
He said, “Because of you, for the first time, my mother cried today. I will never forgive you. I’ll never speak to you again. Hang up. Don’t call me ever again.”
I was just a simple, naive girl.
I thought he was hurt by what I said—and that’s why he was crying.
I’d called only to talk, to explain myself, to understand him and to be understood.
But the way he spoke to me—
So distant.
So cruel.
It broke me.I kept crying for a long, long time that night.It was just me… my tears… and silence.The next morning, Tejas messaged me on WhatsApp.He sent me a picture of his breakfast.With the caption:“Let’s forget all this for now. We’ll talk when I reach Bhopal.”That message felt like a relief.He sent a few more photos—One where he was receiving a medal, and some group photos with his friends.
Maybe his anger had cooled.And maybe… I had found a little peace too.
