Disturbed
(An investigative, romantic and psychological thriller)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
Menaka is facing towards me and looking into my eyes. “Thank you very much for your feeling like that.”
“As this much of intimacy developed in between us both, shall we have a free discussion?”
“Why not? Sure.” Menaka said.
“Don’t you fall in love with anyone Menaka?”
“No, of course.” Menaka said straightly.
“Why it is so?”
“Why should we fall in love with someone?” there is surprise in the face of Menaka.
“Because it so common at this age to fall in love with someone.”
“I don’t know but I am not in love with anyone. I do marry whomever my mother selects for me.”
I don’t say anything but remained silent. In fact I don’t know what to say.
“What about you madam? Are not you in love with anyone?”
Still I don’t prefer to say anything.
“I am sorry if my words hurt you madam. My not falling in love is only because I could not find a suitable guy so far. I am not against love. We need to be courageous if we want to love someone sincerely.”
“Is it is so? Even without loving anyone you know about love this much?” I asked her with surprise.
“Yes, of course. At the same time sincere lovers are lucky people. But we have to get such good person to love with whole of our heart.”
“Wonderful! Wonderful indeed!” I exclaimed. “I am feeling very happy with what you have said.” I paused for a moment before asking. “Now I want to know about your opinion on sex. Is sex alright before marriage?” I asked her.
“It is absolutely alright madam.” Menaka immediately answered.
“Are you thinking really like that?” her answer surprised me.
“Hundred percent. Not just that. Sex before or after marriage with someone else other than the husband also is okay depending upon the circumstances.”
This astounded me. I did not expect this at all from Menaka.
“My answer is perplexing to you, is it is not? What we are really preserving keeping it not touched by anyone until the marriage is over? Is it is not cumbersome, difficult most of the time?”
“I am not able to understand what you really want to say Menaka.” I am really troubling myself to understand what Menaka is saying.
“Sex is something like thirst and hunger madam. It is in equal measure for men and women. It must be satisfied at suitable intervals. Starving ourselves for it until the big thing marriage is over is not only foolishness but sometimes dangerous also.”
“My god! It is you who are talking like this? You are appearing such traditional to me and I don’t expect this type of an answer from you at all.”
“You said that to have a free discussion and I am making a free talking. Yes, what is wrong in it? Sex is not something that comes from outside. It comes from inside. Just like thirst and hunger even we don’t want to feel it, we have to. We cannot escape from it.”
“You are absolutely right. You are talking with sense.” Breathing deeply I said. “This question may not be liked by you much. Then are you having sexual experience with anyone?”
“No.” with firmness in her voice Menaka said. “Even I am thinking that I am quite reasonable in my thinking so, my consciousness does not allow me to have sex with anyone. This moral consciousness is a big barrier to me. Sometimes I so desperately want to have sex with someone to satisfy the urge but I cannot.”
I am not talking anything. What Menaka said is hurting me. Am I not having any moral consciousness? Did I do mistakes by having sex with three men like that? As I am going to marry George it may be okay with him. But what about Nathaniel and Chuck? How this girl feels if I tell her about my sexual experiences with her?
“What you are thinking madam? Did I hurt your feelings?” looking straight into my eyes Menaka asked me.
I did not say anything but closed my eyes. I opened them again feeling Menaka’s hand on my shoulder. “I am not at all feeling great by not having sexual experience with anyone till now. At the same time you don’t think that you did a mistake if you have sex with anyone by now. It is just alright. A nature’s law. Many a time it is better obeying the nature laws rather than going against them.”
“I am feeling relaxed in hearing whatever you are saying Menaka. It is just like that you are talking with your heart.”
“Because I am talking with my heart madam. It is difficult to understand and difficult to agree. But if analyze it deep, we sure can come to know it is reasonable.” She hissed out heavily
I am really feeling very much surprise on hearing it.
“For the present, just try to sleep peacefully madam. We can have lots and lots of discussions like these as I am going to be with you for a considerable period of time.”
&&&
“Oh, you are just wonderful!” keeping my both hands around the neck of George I am saying. “I never have thought I can enjoy this much of pleasure in sex.” I am fervently kissing all over his face.
“You are also a different and peculiar experience to me.” Just seconds back we have it again to our hearts’ content.
“Why did not there any woman in your life till I entered George?” looking straight into his eyes I asked him.
“Did not I answer this question for you Dazzle?”hugging me strongly he is saying. “I just don’t like responsibilities. I don’t understand this feeling of love either.”
“My god….that means…..” mocking fear in my face I said.
“I must be frank with you Dazzle. From my childhood itself love is too abstract to me to understand. But I am feeling too much of loyalty towards your father still now also and it shall be there like that forever. That makes me cling to you forever, so don’t feel fear.”
“Thank you.” Once again I am showering kisses all over his face. “It is really very much surprising why I am feeling like this towards you.” I am now looking into his face.
“You said your reasons Dazzle. You want me to protect your organizations as long as I live. The next thing….” He too is looking into my face. “You want that security and warmness which you have got from your father.”
“Yes you are right.” I closed my eyes and even then also I am remembering my dad. I am remembering how I clung to his neck and kissing on his cheek even until his death. He always patted me quite affectionately on my shoulder. Many a time I used to slid beside him on the bed for that warmth and affection just as I used to do while I was a small child.
“You are a big girl now Dazzle. It is not better….” I never can understand my aunt’s words.
“Dazzle is always a small child to me.” My dad used to say.
George’s touch beside me is creating burning desire in me again. But I don’t want it that soon again. It seems that George is also thinking in the same way.
“A woman is a must in a man’s life.” I am saying. “So I have heard. Sexual urge in men is more ferocious than in women, I heard.”
“You are absolutely right Dazzle.” He is smiling again.
“Then what is the surprise if there is another woman in my dad’s life after my mom’s death? He was quite young by the time my mom died George.”
George sighed heavily. “I cannot say anything about that Dazzle. There was a chance of course for it.” after a pause he is saying again. “But ….still….my consciousness is not agreeing with it.” how the transformation has come in him I cannot say but he is little changed in his opinion in that regard.
“Then whatever my aunt said about a woman in my dad’s life can be true.” I am thinking in myself remembering the words of my aunt.
“There is a chance of course.”
“Then whatever that Nova’s late husband said also is true.’ Now I am looking into his face as if I want his opinion on that.
“That I don’t agree at all Dazzle. I never believe in ghosts or spirits.” His voice is firm and there is a determined expression on his face.
“Then how did he come to know about that and tell it like that?” trying to remember what exactly I have heard through Nova’s late husband I said.
“It is not Nova’s late husband you have talked with, it is Nova only.”
“Alright. I agree it is Nova only. But how could she come to know ………” I am troubling myself in thinking about that. Are there really no ghosts or spirits?
“Just coincidental. Nothing more than that.” His voice is with the same firmness and the determined expression on his face is intact.
Suddenly he took my face into both of his hands and put his lips straight on my mouth suffocating me momentarily. He slowly took my inner lip into his mouth and started chewing it gently. Even it is painful I am enjoying it thoroughly.
“What about those two men before in your life Dazzle.” George is now asking me after leaving my lip. “Did you enjoy sex as much as you have enjoyed it with me?”
“Should we talk about them George?” I am feeling uncomfortable as George is talking like that. I don’t want at all to remember them at this happy moment.
“I just cannot analyze why but I want to know.” He is looking into my face.
“How did you come to know that there are two men before in my life George?” I am asking George. “I don’t remember that I have talked anything like that with you.”
“We have talked a lot in between ourselves Dazzle. You said their names also. Nathaniel and Chuck.”
I am still thinking whether to tell about them to George or not. Why George is particularly wants to know about them?
“Tell me about them Dazzle. I want to know about them.”
“Alright then.” I hissed out heavily and started saying. “Nathaniel was just a boy. He started doing it to me while I was just twelve years or so old. I did not become a woman by then. He was fifteen years or so old. I cannot say his age exactly.”
He is listening whatever I am saying without any particular expression on his face.
“I must say that first time was wonderful. It made me sort of addicted to it. We got it many a time together. The most surprising thing in it is, he was experienced in that by then itself.”
I paused observing the face of George carefully and there is no particular expression in it.
“Go on.” With a pleasant smile on his lips George said. It seems George is enjoying whatever I am saying to him.
“The other surprising thing in this is, he did that to Viola also. However many times he had it with her I don’t know but he did it to her too.”
“What is the surprise in it? He lured her in the same way as he lured you into that.” There is the same small smile on his lips.
“How you have deduced that it was Nathaniel lured me into that?” I asked him surprisingly. “Surely I did not say so to you at any time.”
“Bastards like him have such type of a talent. I can guess that.”
“Except for the last time we have got that only in our store room. Every time it was pleasurable and memorable! And the last time, we have got it on the cozy bed in our bedroom. I was a woman by then and it was a full-fledged thing. How much aged he was then I cannot say.”
“Then he died in a motor accident.” George suddenly said.
“You too know about that!” I am feeling surprise.
(I hope that you enjoyed upto here. I shall publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review.)
