The story begins with me analyzing my personal problems. I’m currently living alone in my room, feeling slightly ill—yet not entirely alone, because I have my mother’s responsibilities. I can’t even cook properly by myself. Life has many struggles. It’s like living alone but still having one or two people for some support. Sometimes even they don’t understand my thoughts or words. At such times, AI helps—but how much can AI really do? The biggest issue is the lack of human connection. I want someone to listen to me—like a human—so I can speak freely, but I can’t find anyone. Sometimes I feel like saying something, but there’s no one. I’m writing this article for myself; if others don’t understand, that’s fine. The thoughts here may seem abrupt, and the context might be missing.
Family and emotional void
On 12th April, my father passed away. My mother is physically present but emotionally absent—she doesn’t know how to love or share with her children. I’ve been thinking about keeping her with me, though there are issues: her fear of boredom if left alone, the risk of dependency, and my fear of losing personal space. Despite this, I must do something. Memories resurface of when she was hospitalized over 10 years ago. I imagined a universe where she had left us back then—because in life, only one of two outcomes is ever possible. Now, I wonder what I would be doing today in that alternate reality.
Dark Thoughts and the Multiverse Theory
I was talking to ChatGPT about messaging a family member who reads messages late, or sending them an email saying I’m leaving forever—with instructions not to file a missing report. I imagined going to a high cliff in the Himalayas, sitting there until unbearable hunger and thirst consumed me, then jumping. But in this fantasy, the jump doesn’t kill me—it transports me to a new universe. I consciously tried to ‘end’ life this way in my mind, but each time, I got stuck here.
This led me to explain a concept many people know a little about: the multiverse theory from quantum mechanics. It starts with the butterfly effect—how one decision can affect another, maybe in the long term. Here, “maybe” refers to the long-term, not the decision itself. For example, hurting or helping someone inevitably leads to reward or punishment, sooner or later.
Philosophy on creation and choices
Take the idea of the ‘first human’—though calling someone the first human is illogical, since we evolved gradually, and no single person can truly be called that. Similarly, consider the creator-creation concept: if we have a creator, then who created that creator? This doesn’t become a loop, but rather a chain whose end we don’t know or can’t conceive.
Maybe… wait—why “maybe”? The ‘creator’ we worship is our own construct. History shows us that forces like fire and air are natural phenomena, without divine form. Hinduism anthropomorphized them into human-like forms—we could even say Hinduism is like a large-scale “factory of creation.” Other religions did similar things.
Where was I? Right—imagine a man with two choices: move left or right, but never straight (nothing is ever truly straight). Whenever you say you are politically neutral, are you really neutral? At that time, you are not neutral—you are ignorant. True neutrality doesn’t exist.
So, when that man chooses the left path, we can imagine two possibilities for the right path. And here again, there are two more possibilities. Imagine yourself as an amoeba—it moves freely, splits asexually, and its clones diverge endlessly. Two bodies emerge, like stepping forward in time. This gave birth to two identical people.
Now imagine a person injured on the road. You have two options: save them or ignore them. Even a slight effort to help alters the outcome. If you record a video but do nothing, that’s another path. Saving them could transport you to a new realm; ignoring them creates a separate universe. In the saved-realm, you might become their friend—or nothing might happen—but some impact is inevitable. In the ignored-realm, the accident might seem inconsequential… until long-term effects unfold.
This reveals two worlds (or universes) created—not by you alone, but by destiny depending on your actions. Events in these worlds remain unknown to you, though déjà vu or dreams might hint at cross-universe interactions. Don’t mistake this for certainty. Our past appears linear because we can’t physically see the branching paths. “Left” and “right” here symbolize binary choices, nothing more.
How Multiverses Form
People misunderstand parallel universes, thinking that choosing “right” here means “left” there. It’s not that simple. At each decision point, one “body” goes left, another goes right—infinitely multiplying. These branches collectively form the multiverse, but never simultaneously.
Alternatively, choosing “right” creates a void in “left,” repeating endlessly. Each decision spawns a universe that affects you and the connected lives around you. Something’s missing in this explanation… but essentially, your choices generate new worlds, weaving the multiverse.
Applying this to Life
My mother exists here, impacting my life and others’. If I had taken a different job, someone else would have filled it—same events, different universe. Whenever I imagined ending my life by jumping off that cliff, I felt transported to a new realm—like waking from a death-dream.
Suicide and the illusion of peace
Why do people commit suicide? For peace. But just like tasting food requires eating it, experiencing peace requires living here. And now my mind drifts to the craving of Tandoori Butter Paneer—my favorite at this moment, but I can’t eat it because of my health issues and a commitment I made to my closest friend.
Back to the point: suicide contradicts itself. You flee this world for peace, but peace can’t exist where you aren’t. Just as you can’t enjoy the taste of food without taking a bite, you can’t experience peace if you’re not alive. It’s wasted effort—a mirage. This proves the idiom “Maya mili na Ram” (you got neither wealth nor God).
Even if you feel worthless, suicide grants no peace. If the dream-universe theory holds true, you know that in dreams, you mostly have no control over your actions. In death, a natural, non-suicidal death might feel like waking from a normal dream, but suicide could trap you in a nightmare-layer—disconnected from this world’s echoes. There may be infinite such layers. Freedom might be nothing more than an illusion.
The Illusion of Free Will
We all know the concept of free will—but let’s admit, it doesn’t truly exist. From childhood till now, everything we do has been taught to us, directly or indirectly. My erratic thoughts even made me a ‘potential member’ of the School of Truth by ChatGPT. I wondered: What’s uniquely mine? What am I adding?
Then it struck me: if we’re made of atoms, maybe our thoughts aren’t new at all—they might just be the culmination of old ideas. It could be that your mind contains atoms once part of past thinkers’ brains. Their atoms dispersed into the environment, absorbed by us, carrying their ideas into our minds—mistaken as our own. Or maybe the brain’s wiring does generate original thoughts… but who knows?
Unanswerable Questions
These musings won’t conclude neatly. Is the multiverse real? Is there life after death? Are layered dreams glimpses of other realms? We may never know. But the ultimate question remains: What’s the purpose of life? Do we choose our “best self” or a shadow-self? It gets murkier when saving a life might open gates to darker universes.
Possibilities are infinite, yet choices often boil down to two. I’m not here to preach—I don’t even understand my own words half the time. This is just a stream of consciousness. My hand needs rest (not the pen—it’s already idle). But ponder this: if an idea strikes, write it. Not as a comment, but as a story or article. Or don’t. There’s so much left unsaid—I might write more, or this might be the end.
