It is still not too late
I reached my hotel at about eight o’ clock in the evening. I opened the door and collapsed on the bed. Today is the second day of my three-day official tour to Hyderabad in connection with inspection of a high-value component at factory site. It was a hot and tiring day. The scorching heat had sucked off all my strength and I was sweating profusely after toiling hard from morning to evening. The stench of sweat was making me uncomfortable and I desperately wanted to take shower but body’s tiredness was not permitting me to get up and go to the bathroom. For about half an hour I laid motionless on the bed. Slowly I started feeling better as air conditioner started casting its effect. At that time I was feeling hungry. Somehow I picked up the phone and ordered dinner in my room and slowly walked into the bathroom.
After taking dinner, which was a bit spicy, I was feeling better. As I regained energy I started surfing my WhatsApp account. There were only few routine official messages which I promptly responded. I was a little disappointed not to find any message from Uma. Although I was fully aware that in the prevailing circumstances she will not write to me but still in the remote corner of my heart there was a faint hope that she may give a phone call or drop a short message on WhatsApp. But nothing unusual happened. On such earlier occasions whenever I went on outstation tours Uma used to make it a point to call me at least three or four times a day, inquiring about my well-being, my whereabouts, my activities there etc. But this time situation is quite different. During the last one month things are not normal between us. Honestly speaking it was me who sparked off a totally avoidable controversial issue while knowing well that Uma would not take it lightly. In fact during a normal conversation on the dinner table Uma complained that I was too busy to pay attention to many important domestic issues. Honestly speaking Uma was right in her observation. It is the hard reality that after my recent elevation to the new post the load on me has increased multiple times. On most of the occasions I reach home after nine o’ clock in the night to leave again at nine in the morning. In response to her complaint I tried to justify my position by saying that official engagements were taking heavy toll on me and I hardly got any time to look into house-hold issues. Instead of stopping here I made an avoidable suggestion asking Uma to take care of these simple issues as she has nothing to do during most of the day time. This statement of mine infuriated Uma which triggered a series of allegations and counter-allegations which went on well past mid-night. The dispute witnessed leveling of many unwanted charges from both the sides. Since this kind of arguments are made with the sole purpose of justifying your action without listening to other’s point of view they always end up in a deadlock. In this case also we stopped talking to each other after the dispute.
A beautiful part of the life is that it keeps on moving at the same pace without caring for the events taking place in the world. In our case also days were passing as usual while situation at home remained tense with no sign of improvement. My official responsibilities were keeping me quite engaged during most part of the day. At the end of the day when I leave office in the evening I am reminded of the tense atmosphere prevailing at home. In similar earlier situations we used to keep the line of communication alive through our children. But this time there is total breakdown of communication between us as our children are now staying away from us. Complete absence of any line of communication is a very grave situation as it does not leave any door open for rapprochement and the situation slowly goes from bad to worse.
At this point when I try to perform honest analysis of the situation I sincerely regret unwanted use of that last sentence which has caused us dearly. Now it has become a tussle for false pride. I have a feeling that both of us wish to restore normalcy but no one is ready to take the first step towards reconciliation. So the tug of war continues and more than one month long period has been wasted for nothing. Sometimes I feel sorry for Uma who is already taking treatment for high blood pressure and hypertension and this kind of situation prevailing for a long time may have serious consequences on her health. Considering all the pros and cons I felt that the situation should not be allowed to further deteriorate. I decided to take the first step and make a phone call to Uma next day morning to ease out the situation. With these emerging positive thoughts I was feeling much lighter and slowly I slipped into deep sleep with the hope to see a better tomorrow.
At well past midnight sudden ringing of my mobile phone made me get up from deep slumber. With burning eyes and aching head I somehow managed to pick up the phone. On the other end my son Piyush was calling. With almost choked voice he informed me “Papa, Mummy has suffered a major heart attack. We have just brought her to the hospital. At present she has been taken into ICU and we are waiting outside.” I was taken aback by this unexpected news at this odd hour and my drowsiness suddenly evaporated. While gathering courage I asked Piyush, “How is your mother now? What does doctor say?”. In response Piyush could no longer control his surcharged emotions and started crying. Somehow he could manage to say with hoarse voice, “Papa, I was lying. Mummy is no more. She has left us forever.” Suddenly my body became numb and tears started rolling down from my eyes. I could not believe the words of Piyush. The worst fears of mine have come true. The smiling face of Uma came before my eyes. I started feeling that I and my false sense of pride were solely responsible for the untimely demise of my beloved wife. I could have taken timely corrective measures to initiate the dialogue but I did not do anything and deliberately allowed the situation to deteriorate for the worst. It was a cold blooded murder of my innocent wife. Uma has done so much not only for me but for the whole family. She happily shouldered all my responsibilities in thin and the thick. She did not hesitate for a moment to sacrifice her booming career for the sake of our children and her parent-in-laws. And what I gave her in return? Hardly anything. I could never find any time for the family. I was always preoccupied with office work. Most of my life was lost in running around to fulfil my professional ambitions – faster promotion, higher post, more power, more money etc. In this blind race family was left far behind. It was Uma who took care of each member of the family but I always overlooked her invaluable contribution to the family’s welfare. In the last one month I had wasted valuable time in quarreling in place of spending quality time with her. Today I deeply regret for not taking positive step at the right time which could have saved her precious life. Today I have all the wealth, money and power but not the wife who loved me the most. She has left us forever and no power or wealth on the earth can bring her back. In that state of grief I started crying, “Uma, I could never realize your true value. I am your guilty. I have murdered you. I am a murderer. ---------“.
While fighting with my overflowing emotions I suddenly woke up. I found myself lying on the bed. My voice was badly choked and the whole body was drenched in sweat. It was a great relief to find myself in dreams. I took a sigh of relief as I realized that the entire trauma which I just passed through was not real. My Uma is very much alive and nothing is lost yet. I thanked God from the core of my heart for giving me this invaluable opportunity to act before it is too late. So without wasting any further second I started dialing to Uma, although I knew well that it was too late in the night to disturb her.
